- 7 years ago
- Wedding: February 2010
I’m hoping an outsider/objective point of view can help me make a decision here – I’ve been racking my brain but I can’t seem to decide.
What can I possibly do for the December holidays?
We celebrate Yule, so there is some “holiday” but it is not as extended as Christmas.
My husband has Dec 22-Jan 3 off from work, paid vacation. I can take a similar time off from my work.
We live 7 driving hours away from our nearest family member (just one, FIL.) We see him about once a month.
My mother, as I mentioned in recent posts, is grieving and her condition has not improved at all. I have not seen her since August, when I went for a few days. My husband has not seen her since our wedding in April. My father is still married to my mother, but he works/lives 5 hours away and tries to come home when possible. He only has 2 days off. My only other brother goes to school 6 hours away and comes home on occassion.
I felt like our first married holidays together were going to be awesome, because in my pea brain my family (the larger one) would host a big holiday shindig and me, my husband, and FIL would go down to enjoy each other.
With my grandfather passing way, that is out the window. My mom has told me that she is not mentally ready to do anything until sometime next year. However, NOT making plans with her is killing me with guilt. I guess I am having a hard time with the grieving process – she wants to be alone, but I feel like her being alone on a holiday would be bad.
As it is, my husband and I are hosting Thanksgiving and although everyone is invited, the only person close enough to make it is FIL.
My mom said that if someone were to plan something, she might be able to attend (hinting that she didn’t have the morale to plan, but that she might work herself up to go), but what could I plan? My husband and I want to do something FUN and if we plan that, it’ll be too much for her. She secretly wants us to plan a trip to go visit her father’s house, which although reverent is very frankly horribly depressing. She says that her siblings (also grieving) would be lifted by having visitors and would greet us with open arms and I am sure this is true. However, international travel to that part of the world is difficult and dangerous.
I am such a horrible daughter, but I DREAD spending time with her because she is just in such a bad place right now. When the phone rings, I have to steel myself for whatever mood she may be in – don’t get me wrong, I ALWAYS answer. I am there for her, but it’s kiling me.
So, we plan something fun and relaxing like we want, and my mom, dad, and brother won’t be able to join us and I run the risk of hurting her (I feel) by leaving her alone. She is very gracious and tells me to do what I want, but I wish I could plan something that she would be interested in.
The distance between us and them is also pretty vast. There isn’t any midpoint that would work, like just choosing a resort town and going for it. My in-law hates cities and my parents like cities. My in-law loves camping and my parents don’t. We could all go wild and hit up Vegas, but it’s too much for my mom right now.
We could forget everyone and just do something alone, but I know that if we don’t have another person to plan for, we’ll waste our whole vacation lying around the house which is LAME LAME LAME. Plus, this is our first Yule and I do want that day to be with others.
We’re usually homebodies, so I don’t want to be homebodies when we have a whole week and a half!
I just have NO no idea. I have gone back and forth and I can’t figure it out. The only thing I proposed was to go to my FIL’s and to invite my little brother to come, but my FIL feels uncomfortable opening his modest home to others, and I understand. So, that may not pan out.
I give up!