Post # 1
I’m just really not sure what to do anymore. I just need some advice, or at the least maybe I’ll feel a little better after venting and typing all of this out. So my fiance and I have been together over 4 years now…We are engaged but have done nothing about wedding planning. Everytime I would say anything he would say “when the time is right” we can start planning so I just don’t bother anymore. We both work, and I go to school full time. We both live with our parents and still aren’t financially stable so I know we really can’t afford a wedding just yet. The other thing that really gets to me is that his brother and his girlfriend recently got engaged (not even a month ago) and they already have a date set and everything. I see and hear her so happy about wedding planning and it’s like I can’t be happy for her as bad as that sounds. I am so absolutely jealous of her.
The other thing that bothers me is that I feel like we are drifting apart. We work opposite schedules, and I go to nursing school full time so between that there is only 1, maybe 2 some weeks, days a week we get to see eachother. And I don’t even care. At first, he would get so upset when we didn’t get to spend time together. Now it’s like it doesn’t bother him. I sometimes dread the day we have off because I would rather be at home alone. I know that sounds horrible but when we are together we just sit there and watch TV in silence. It’s like we have nothing to talk about anymore. I just don’t know what to do. Is there even hope for us?
Post # 2
Sounds like maybe planning the wedding right now isn’t the best idea. Maybe a holiday would be a good way to reconnect – both taking a week off together somewhere away from home (doesn’t have to be far), and setting a specific date-night each week could also help. I wouldn’t set a wedding in motion until you are sure this is who you want to be legally married to, it would be very hard to stop a wedding once deposits are paid and invites sent.
It sounds very confusing and stressful!
Post # 3
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
kaylabb: I totally agree with your FI that “the time isn’t right”: you are still in school, you live with your parents and aren’t financially stable to get married. I imagine your FI’s brother must be in a different place in life right now to be planning a wedding, and while your jealousy is a natural initial reaction, since you’re just not there yet, try to be happy for them rather than being bitter.
As for the time spent apart and your feelings about that, have you talked to your FI about how you both feel? You wrote ” Now it’s like it doesn’t bother him. ” but that sounds like an assumption; you need to actually talk to him!! I’ve experienced working opposite schedules with my FI when he worked his old job and I know it’s hard but you really have to communicate and make the most of the time you have. As pp suggested set a specific date night or have dinner with some candles out when he gets home, watch your favourite movie together, go for a midnight stroll..
You can make a choice and fight for your relationship (if you want to!), otherwise it sounds like it’ll run out of steam. In the meantime as pp said don’t put down any wedding deposits until you and your FI are on the same page and ready.
Post # 5
Putting on a poofy dress and and having all the funsies of planning a wedding isn’t going to do you any favors if, at the end of the day, you can’t stand being along with your husband.
Jesus, why would you want to plan this wedding? It will not solve anything. You two are clearly in no position to get married, which is probably a blessing in disguise. You both need to focus on growing up (finishing school, moving out, being financially independent, and having a healthy and happy relationship), not other peoples’ parties.
Post # 6
[content moderated for name calling]
Post # 7
Are you sure he intends to get married at all?
Couples counseling = in order here.
Post # 8
i really disagree with the take a holiday comment – holidays are not real life and where as yes you probably would get on better whilst there when you get back reality kicks in again and you realise actually this is crap.
I think if OP is already saying she isnt bothered about not seeing her FI then she is not in the right relationship and should probably move on – sounds to me like theyve grew apart
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
DTMFA. A wedding ring isn’t going to improve a dying relationship.