I just don't know what to do anymore…advice much needed.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like maybe planning the wedding right now isn’t the best idea. Maybe a holiday would be a good way to reconnect – both taking a week off together somewhere away from home (doesn’t have to be far), and setting a specific date-night each week could also help. I wouldn’t set a wedding in motion until you are sure this is who you want to be legally married to, it would be very hard to stop a wedding once deposits are paid and invites sent.

It sounds very confusing and stressful!

Post # 4
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

kaylabb:  I totally agree with your FI that “the time isn’t right”: you are still in school, you live with your parents and aren’t financially stable to get married.  I imagine your FI’s brother must be in a different place in life right now to be planning a wedding, and while your jealousy is a natural initial reaction, since you’re just not there yet, try to be happy for them rather than being bitter.

As for the time spent apart and your feelings about that, have you talked to your FI about how you both feel? You wrote ” Now it’s like it doesn’t bother him. ” but that sounds like an assumption; you need to actually talk to him!! I’ve experienced working opposite schedules with my FI when he worked his old job and I know it’s hard but you really have to communicate and make the most of the time you have. As pp suggested set a specific date night or have dinner with some candles out when he gets home, watch your favourite movie together, go for a midnight stroll..

You can make a choice and fight for your relationship (if you want to!), otherwise it sounds like it’ll run out of steam. In the meantime as pp said don’t put down any wedding deposits until you and your FI are on the same page and ready.

Post # 5
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Putting on a poofy dress and and having all the funsies of planning a wedding isn’t going to do you any favors if, at the end of the day, you can’t stand being along with your husband

Jesus, why would you want to plan this wedding? It will not solve anything. You two are clearly in no position to get married, which is probably a blessing in disguise. You both need to focus on growing up (finishing school, moving out, being financially independent, and having a healthy and happy relationship), not other peoples’ parties.

Post # 6
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 7
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Are you sure he intends to get married at all? 

Couples counseling = in order here.

Post # 8
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

 

i really disagree with the take a holiday comment – holidays are not real life and where as yes you probably would get on better whilst there when you get back reality kicks in again and you realise actually this is crap.

I think if OP is already saying she isnt bothered about not seeing her FI then she is not in the right relationship and should probably move on – sounds to me like theyve grew apart

Post # 9
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

DTMFA. A wedding ring isn’t going to improve a dying relationship.

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