Post # 1
I am bipolar and am having a hard time with finding the right meds right now. DH and I just got married a few months ago. We have discussed having kids a ton of times and have been going back and forth from, let’s have kids to let’s never have kids. This isn’t one sided or anything, we always come to an agreement together and things are good. Currently, we are not TTC, we want to wait 3 years and see where we are at. If we are in a place in our lives where we want to have kids and are able to we will. As I said I have not been doing well looking for new meds and I think we will want kids at some point in our lives but I just don’t know if I could handle it. Emotionally and physically. I think mentally I just couldn’t handle being pregnant, and it makes me sad. I told DH this the other night and he said that was fine, if I didn’t think i could do it we could always adopt. I agreed and that was that. It has been bugging me a lot though. I want to experience every part of having kids but just don’t think I could do it. It makes me feel out of control, helpless, and weak. I feel like it’s my fault we couldn’t have our own children. Adoption is a great idea but I really wanted to have our own children. I know we are not even TTC right now or anything but it really upsets me that I don’t think I am a strong enough woman to handle pregnancy…
Post # 3
@LovelyLaura8: I believe the first part of being a good mother is knowing your own limits. If you think you can’t handle it, then kudos to you for recognizing that. You can adopt, stay on your meds and still have a full, beautiful family. My best frien is bi-polar and her and her partner decided to get pregnant. She is bi-polar and has obviously been off of her meds throughout her pregnancy. She does have rough days, but she says the baby pulls her through. Just wanted to let you know there is hope!
Post # 4
@sunshine_kar: Thank you. That does make me feel a little better. It just hard accepting it.
Post # 5
@LovelyLaura8: Aww. I’m so sorry. There are days I feel this way too. I’m not bipolar but I do have depression and anxiety, which I’m medicated for. I also have fibro and Crohn’s disease that cause me to take other nasty, not TCC/pregnancy compatible medications. I also worry about having the energy to keep up with little ones and cope with being sleep deprived.
We are still a full year and a half away from starting IVF (because of a genetic disorder husband and I both carry). I worry but husband is trying his best to reassure me that we will make it work, no matter what. I’m just leaning on him a lot right now.
I hope you find some peace with whatever you decide. Lean on your husband. Also, my doctors tell me there are some medications for depression that are safer in pregnancy. They also say that often times, having the mother be healthy in pregnancy often outweighs the risks associated with some drugs. There are also new drugs coming out frequently. Maybe something new and safer will be out before you guys start your family.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Post # 6
I’m really sorry you’re having a hard time. I think a lot of women have an idea about what motherhood “should” be, and it can be hard when it doesn’t pan out that way for you: wanting a natural birth and having a C-section, wanting to breastfeed and having to formula feed. I know that’s not the same thing, I’m just saying. I know not carrying your own children and not being pregnant if you want to experience pregnancy and birth could be really hard, but I think there is tremendous strength in knowing your own personal limits. I think it shows an intelligence and self-awareness and ultimately what it takes to be a good parent- concern for the well-beling of your child, even if that child isn’t born yet. I think it is amazing that you and your husband are adiscussing different options and that he gives you his full support no matter what! I think that if you truly want kids you will figure out a way to make that work, whether through adoption,surrogacy, etc. If you decide you can’t handle them then I think that is a responsible and respectable decision as well. I hope you figure out your meds and start to feel better soon. Remember that things can change, and you could be in a different place a few years from now. It sounds like you are fortunate to have such a great husband that will support you no matter what you decide.