I Just Don't Understand

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That stinks, but there are lots of reasons it could happen. Maybe they fell into some financial difficulties or can’t get the time off work or something else came up. I know it would be great if everyone could make it but try not to take it personally!

Post # 4
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Day_In_The_Life: I know it’s awful, but that’s just how it goes. As PP said peoples’ finances change, maybe their babysitter cancelled, it really can be anything. Try to take it with a grain of salt hon. 🙂

Also, YAY for Portland Brides!  

Post # 6
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Day_In_The_Life:  Would they be traveling to get there? Could there be a last minute thing you’re not aware of? I’m sure they’re excited about the fact that you are getting married, but remember not everyone is as excited about your wedding as you are. They’re 2 different things. To some people it’s just another party they have to get dressed up and buy gifts for. Doesn’t mean they’re not happy for you as a couple. Don’t take it personally. Just enjoy your day.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Day_In_The_Life:  Have you already confirmed numbers with your caterer?

We had a guest who wound up not being able to get the time off… three days before the wedding. Which sucked. Be we also had a man who had a brain bleed the week before the wedding (It was our Pastor), so clearly he and his wife couldn’t make it (he’s okay, now)!

Post # 8
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Unless you’re living their lives, you can’t really tell what is the reason or what isn’t.

Shit happens. That’s just how it is. Every event, wedding or not, will have people who seemingly have no reason to drop out at the last moment.

Be like a stone with no moss and roll with it.

Post # 10
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I just think people get excited and say yes without assessing their actual ability to attend.

Post # 11
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Day_In_The_Life:  it’s called life and sometimes it gets in the way and takes priorities over other things.

don’t take it personally.

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Day_In_The_Life:  Just to give a bit of perspective – 8 months ago, I had no idea my dad was ill. I didn’t even know 5 months ago. I would have happily said I could attend a wedding then but life is different now and I have more important obligations and responsibilities.

Someone’s own life will always be their top priroity, and that makes sense to me. A wedding is a wonderful occasion that means a lot to the two people involved – it does not hold equal weight to anyone else. Sometimes life happens and shit happens – it isn’t your fault, so like some PPs have suggested, don’t take it personally.

Post # 13
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Day_In_The_Life:  I agree with you. I think it’s bullsh*t. If I RSVP yes to a wedding, I put it in pen on my calendar, save money for it if necessary, and make damn sure I’m there unless something HUGE happens, in which case I would let the bride/groom know what that something was as far in advance as possible. Hell, if I RSVP yes for drinks over the weekend, I make sure I make it (and silently get angry at people who flake out without a valid excuse), and that’s not nearly as important as a wedding. I am very adament about keeping commitments. So I’m on your side, haha.

Post # 14
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Hyperventilate:  +1

@mypinkshoes:  +1

@Day_In_The_Life:  I know it’s frustrating, and I know you *think* you’d like a reason…but keep in mind sometimes people keep things vague to avoid the truth :-/ For example: we knew a couple who sent us a save-the-date the year before the wedding. Six months before the wedding, the bride turned into kind of a giant  monster bitch-beast and I couldnt stand her anymore.

When we finally got the invite, we RSVP’d no…and she messaged me pressing for a reason. The reason I gave was “we can’t make it”, because giving the real reason wouldn’t have gone over well.

I’m not saying it’s the same in your case. Your guests could be having money problems and don’t want to tell you they can’t afford a gift…or worse, maybe they just don’t feel like coming. Or, maybe something honestly just came up.

Either way, try not to lose sleep over it, and just accept the polite answer 🙂

Post # 15
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@badabing88:  Exactly this. People need to learn to accept both yes and no RSVPs graciously. Bothering people about attendance is so annoying – and I assure you, it won’t change my mind about attending. Rather it will confirm I made the right choice to begin with.

Post # 16
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Day_In_The_Life:  My uncle is the one person who would never have missed my wedding for the world. Guess what? He got food poisioning and spent all night vomiting and could only come to part of the ceremony and none of the reception. Similarly, my grandmother told me for months she was coming and at the last minute it just wan’t possible for health reasons. Good friends of my husband declined because their babysitter canceled, even though their kids were invited and we provided babysitters, it was just too much to get 3 kids under the age of 5 dressed and presentable for a wedding and because she was nursing (she is my husband’s friend), she didn’t feel comfortable going alone. We had a wedding we really wanted to go to (and bought plane tickets for), and then my husband’s best friend picked the same date. We had to decline because he was simply more important.

Stuff happens. Itsucks, but it happens. I am sure they wanted to be there.

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