I just don't want a baby…

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you! I’m 24 and I constantly alternate between wanting a baby soon, or pursuing my career full force. Some days I see cute baby pictures and I get instant baby fever. Then I go to class, treat patients, treat kids and realize how badly I want to pursue my goals. I think the realization of whether one wants kids or not is a process. Give yourself time!  Its ok to vacillate in what you want for time to time, as long as you have honest conversations with your FI about it and he is ok with going either way-adoption or biological.

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

princessleia123:  While I fully support any woman’s decision to have or not have children, I think your reasons for not doing so are a little distorted.

Most couples have a satisfactgory sex life after childbirth. The vagina is designed to enlarge to birth the baby, but also to contract to its’ original size after.

Adopt a child if you want, but I think some education or therapy or both, about women’s bodies, childbirth, and sex life might help you view the subject a little more realistically.

Post # 5
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

The female body is designed for giving birth…………

Obviously there will be some changes, but everyone is different. You really shouldn’t be going based off horror stories online. There are horror stories with everything in life, not just giving birth. Sure there are some serious complications that can happen, but some women bounce back really quickly and don’t much at all. Either way if you don’t feel comortable and it is going to mess with your mind to the point where you start histerically crying for days, maybe having biological children isn’t for you. You should really be taking birth control/contraceptive measures if you don’t plan on getting pregnant though!

Post # 6
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

Meh, I was Super scared of pregnancy and childbirth at 23. I’m 33 and pregnant. (32 weeks! Woot) I don’t know if it’s hormones or acutally talking to people that have done it (instead of the most extreme stories that get passed around online). I’m not as worried now. I’m more worried about early newborn time now. I mean it’s not going to be the BEST time every, labor. But it’s just a couple of days start to finish. Also I’m all over the epidural. It’s probably not going to be nearly as bad as many of those stories. 

Post # 8
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

Your not alone at all. This is a battle I have constantly with myself. I’m totally not ready to give birth if ever. I’m 32 so I realize I’m not getting younger. FI is 33 and refuses to have kids. In addition, there is a long history of complicated pregnancies in my family. Great grandmother died of toxemia, and both grandma and my mom were bed ridden and hospitalized for the duration toxemia. Needless to say FI said no way. I’ll adopt but I’m terrified of the medical care I may need to safely carry a baby since toxemia runs in the family. 

Post # 11
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have a baby and not wanting to put yourself through the ordeal of having one. I’m 27 and feel the exact same way. people are constantly telling me I’ll change my mind as I get older but im just not sure, nor does it matter Because my life = my choice. Don’t let anyone pressure you into it. all my friends have baby fevers and are getting prego as well and I’m happy for them, I’ll be the cool aunt, I’ll babysit, I’ll love them. But then I can hand them back and her off to Europe or wherever I want for the rest of the week. i do agree with pp in that don’t let a couple of horror stories scare you away from having a kid if that is your main concern. for me personally it’s not just giving birth that does not appeal to me, it’s carrying the baby and everything that goes along with it that also deters me, I just want no part of that even if my body handled it flawlessly. If you feel adoption is right for you then by all means go that route! So many children need loving happy homes! it doesn’t make you any less of a woman or person to choose that route. Some women might not understand your choice but who cares it’s youra not theirs. Just remember people tend to out down what they don’t understand dont take it personally. ill end by saying you are young you have plenty of time to decide, just because your friends are ready does not mean you need to be. You might get baby fever in three years you may never, that’s the fun part of life u get to do whatever u want when you want. Also it’s clearly important to discuss this with ur if mine knows my stance and supports whatever my choice is.

 

ps: I also am choosing to freeze my eggs when I hit 30 just in case, FI and I have also discussed the option of using a suragate to carry the baby if we can afford it and decide to go that path. There are lots of options!!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  BWLE.
Post # 14
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This really bothers me. I see quite a few posts like this on WB of women who are petrified of having kids because of tearing or how thier vagina will be. I never encountered this anywhere else.For one, it makes me really sad and angry. I know everyone wont see it as I do… but giving birth was something empowering, not destructive. My sex life is miles better than pre-baby.

 

Adoption is a fantastic choice… but I just have a hard time with helping you in your feelings…. i think your fears are a bit more than what typical women face (it is all scary to women… just not to the extent you are feeling)

Post # 15
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

princessleia123:  I think some women have babies because sure they want one but it’s also like ok I’m married now what. And when they see their friends getting pregnant they say hey ok yeah let’s do that. Then they feel the need to put down other people who choose another path because it’s different and it validates their choice. I have a friend who always wanted to be a stay at home mom and once she found out they couldn’t afford it she constantly talks shit about stay at home moms and how she could never do that cause she would be board. not surprisingly she constantly tells me I’ll change my mind and be a great mom. Ha!  That’s not saying these ladies are only having babies to be part of the group but I think we will see (even more so than it already is) that more and more women are choosing to remin childless. Pick up any Cosmo there is usually an article about it. You do you gf it’s your life! Also u can always find other ways to have children in your life, I volunteer with sick kids and love making them smile but inalso see the pain on their parents faces and that’s something else that you need to consider, what if you have a sick Child.. So many things. Choosing to be a parent isn’t something you should do just because everyone else is.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  BWLE.
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