Post # 1
This is just a vent. I have no idea if it’s normal to feel guilty, but I really do.
FI’s home appraised for under the sale price and we have decided that we will do anything to make this deal go through so we have a week to produce 5k. I know that we can just cancel the wedding and stay financially stable, but I’m heartbroken to even think about not having the wedding that I’ve worked so hard on. I try to think practically but I just don’t think that I can give the day up. FI never asked me to, but it is clear that his family thinks that we should just do something smaller (even though our budget is only 10k and my parents gifted us that amount to use for the wedding) and use the money towards the house.
The worst part. I hate thinking about all the joy that is in my life and how happy I am when it occurs to me that others are in so much pain. My sister (who has been married for under three months) is battling to keep her children, has to deal with legal issues from her past, is facing jail time, and just lost her honeymoon baby. My parents have drained themselves financially and emotionally to try and support her. My father, who is a very proud man, had to call and ask if he could borrow money to pay her lawyer. I know that he wants the wedding to go as planned (he’s felt like my sister overshadowed my entire engagement-she met her now husband the week after I got engaged and they got engaged the night of my engagement party, then money that was supposed to be for my wedding got taken out for hers), but I don’t want to ask them to pay back the money they had to borrow.
I guess I’m just struggling with spending money that my family could use or we could use. Did anyone else feel guilty for wanting a wedding day?
Post # 3
So sorry you are dealing with so much. I think it’s admirable of you to think of others during what should be your time of happiness. I think everyone (including you) deserves to have their moment of happiness and that you should proceed with your wedding (maybe a modified budget if your parents can no longer help you out). It’s okay to put your hard earned money towards something you want, even when others need help. So, not I don’t think you should feel guilty about wanting your wedding.
Post # 4
You are under a lot of pressure right now. All of those things happening right now and NOT planning a wedding are a lot to deal with. It sounds like there are a lot of factors to weight. You are definitely not a selfish person. I can tell this just by your post. I truly hope everything works out.
Post # 5
Aww sorry things are so rough right now. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting a wedding but having said that do you think you could enjoy the day more if you were paying for it yourself? Or do you think you’ll still feel guilty spending the money on a wedding period? I guess I would think about if the guilt is about taking money from your parents in which case I would wait to pay for it yourself. If it’s just spending any money on a wedding then you should just let it go and enjoy your day 🙂
Post # 6
I’m really sorry things are so tough. I don’t think you should feel guilty for what you feel – it’s not as if you can help it! Will the sale of FI’s place free up cash or is it all being ploughed into the chain? Do you get a kick-arse house at the end of it? I guess I’m just saying that sometimes, all you can do is focus on the positives and make the most of a bad situation. But ranting about the negetives with friends can help get you to that point. Acknowledging when things suck helps me to let them go..
Post # 7
I’m so sorry!!! It’s a sucky situation (or several) but I don’t think it’s guilty to want your wedding. Given circumstances, you have have to make some adjustments, but your wedding is important too! And guilt is not usually a useful emotion. So start thinking practically about what would be best. But don’t waste time feeling guilty!
Post # 8
You wrote “stay financially stable”. That is vital to your well-being as a couple.
A wedding is important, but it’s maaaybe 4-7 *hours* long. The home you two are going to share is the more important thing. If you have to choose between spending money on a home (that you need, that you could lose) vs. spending it on a nice party, obviously you should go with the home. The fairytale is nice but think of your beautiful future, think of having a place for your kids to grow up in. Maybe postpone the wedding until you can save up for the wedding you want? Please, please don’t be bamboozled into thinking a party has to cost TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS to be beautiful. I’m sure you could have a great wedding on 5,000 dollars.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the support bees! As of right now we are still going to have the wedding, but that being said I just put the last of my personal saving towards legal representation for my sister. I’ve picked up more work and it will be killer, but I am confident that we can make this work. The hard part is coming up with 5k (what we have to bring to the table at closing) by next Wed. and once we are over that hurdle we have time to save up the rest.
Post # 10
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: I feel SO guilty for spending this much money on something that is non-essential. Like a wedding. I love him, I want to marry him but financially it is crippling us. Causing rows and grey hairs. I just can’t wait til its over and we can pay everything back!!! It is spoiling my excitement.
Post # 11
Normally, I’d say cut back on the wedding, but . . . it sounds as if you have a solid, albeit wretched and realistic plan for getting everything paid off.
If FI needs to sell his house and only has to bring $5K to the table, he’s in pretty good shape for this market. And don’t hesitate to ask your agent to cut her comission. They will grouse about it, but they can do it. Most agents won’t let a deal fall apart this close to closing over a few bucks. It won’t hurt to ask.
Post # 12
I’m surprised you’re going through with the sale. Would it be worth it to take the house off the market for 6 months- 2 years? Our market bottomed out and is now on the upturn. I’m pretty sure a few houses that were taken off the market in the last few months are waiting until they can get more for the house.
It also sounds like your sister is draining everyone’s finances. Can she get a loan or find a lawyer for those who cannot afford their own?
Post # 13
Real estate is regional. In some places it’s still dropping.
I!m in SoCal and if I could buy my way out for $5k, I’d throw a party.
We’re a long way from the bottom, the banks are sitting on too much inventory.