Post # 1
My dad got engaged yesterday and I found out about it through his relationshiop status change on Facebook. I wasn’t even the first on Facebook to see it, there were strangers congratulating him. I’m his only daughter, and he couldn’t be bothered to let me know via phone, email, or even text. He left MY wedding without a farewell, didn’t tell anyone when he moved cities to live with his girlfriend (now fiance), and hasn’t really kept up much contact since he moved in with her back in late November. I didn’t think we had such a lousy relationship, we aren’t not-speaking or anything like that.
How do I address this? It’s causing me a lot of hurt feelings and while I want to celebrate with and for him, I can’t help feeling left out. I’m thinking of calling him and just kind of laying it all out there (not aggressivley), but I don’t want to cast a shadow over his engagement.
Post # 2
candykristina: I would call him and say (not in an angry way, try your best to sound happy for him) “Hey Dad! I just found out through Facebook that you are engaged, congrats!” and go from there. Maybe it was a bit of the spur of the moment thing, or that he didn’t want to say anything unless if she said no? You could voice to him that you would like to be involved and are happy for him.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
candykristina: you know what, I did this to my brother…I was so excited that I didn’t tell him right away and he found out via facebook. He was pissed. Rightfully so.
I was caught up in the moment and couldn’t wait to share with the world that I was engaged – and in not stopping to think, I hurt someone very important to me.
Thankfully, he called me out on it, and I apologized. It took a while for him to no longer be upset with me, and I understood. I had been careless, but we’re all good now and have moved past it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC
candykristina: My FI and I both would probably find out in this way. However, we do not have close relationships with our dads. I only talk to mine as often as I do because we live near each other and I go to see my mom. And it is not like we are having long drawn out conversations. The deepest things we may talk about are political or religous debates.
I am sorry that this has happened this way and you feel hurt by it. I would tell him exactly how you feel.
Post # 5
candykristina: I’m sorry 🙁
Is it possible his fiance changed it without him realising? I know it’s easy to get caught up in the moment but my FI and I were very careful to not let news of our engagement slip until we had told our closest family and friends in person or over the phone first.. and I think that as his only daughter you deserve to have been told first!
If I were you i’d be the grown up in the situation and tell it to him like it is. Say that while you’re very happy for him, you’re hurt and dissapointed. Tell him you’re both adults and you’d like to have a decent relationship with him so he needs to put some effort it and act like the grown up/father in your relationship!
Post # 6
candykristina: Does he have any reason to think you wouldn’t approve (e.g. if it isn’t that long since he separated from your mother)?
Post # 7
It sounds like he doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore, I’m sorry, just let that relationship go.
Post # 8
I’m just going to call him tonight after supper. Wish him well and then tell him what’s up and see how it all goes.
Miss_E_xx: I doubt he changed it without realizing, especially since he hasn’t used Facebook since April and has commented thanking well wishers on that post.
aussiemum1248: He and my mother have been separated for 28 or so years, they split up when I was two and I have no memory of them being together. Also, I would probably like his new fiance if I got to know her better. She seems nice, but shy.
Post # 9
I had something similar happen. Well, his girlfriend emailed me from a new email address that was her first name with our last name. Ugh.
The next time my dad got engaged he told me via an email in which he led with a short review of the movie Battleship.
Don’t let it get to you. I’m sure he’s not doing it maliciously. He may even think you won’t think it’s a huge deal, or something weird like that. I do think that women tend to think of engagements differently than men.
Post # 10
candykristina: I’m sorry 🙁 It sounds like he might have a pattern of being inconsiderate, even though it might be somewhat unintentional.
I told someone VERY IMPORTANT to me about my engagement via FB and they were upset and hurt. I deservedly felt like such an ASS for a long time. I still don’t know what I was thinking…
I think you should just give him a call and congratulate him. I think it’s also okay to let him know that it would be nice to hear big news from him personally so you can share in the joy (???)…
Post # 11
My fiance changed his status before I had a chance to tell everyone too, and he never posts anything either!
Sometimes people just get caught up… I hurried up and made my announcements once I realized!!
Post # 12
candykristina: At the end of the day it is his news to share how he wants to. What works for one person is not going to work for another.
Ring and congratulate your father and express an interest in getting to know your soon to be SMIL.
Post # 13
Hello- I usually just scour these boards for wedding ideas, but I felt compelled to create an account in response to your post.
A similar situation happened to me and I just wanted to let you know that I understand your sadness. Also an only child, I heard through the grapevine of my father’s engagement (this was before Facebook existed and I was an adult). I called him out on it; it was inappropriate/inconsiderate/disrespectful/wrong for him to do that. If I had to do it again today, I would call him out even harder on it. While it was unintentional on his part, I was disappointed that he didn’t have the brains to think gee I should tell my kid in private.
However, if you do choose to address it with him, I would just caution that you may not get the response you want from him, but you’d probably feel better saying your part.
Post # 14
candykristina: do we have the same dad?
Seriously though, I’ve been through the exact same thing, it can be pretty hurtful. Just try to focus on those that treat you right :). Good luck with your father/daughter chat, if you end up having one.