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I'm sorry that you and your FI are having this argument.
First of all, you're not being immature. It sounds like you're being very rational about this whole thing. It also sounds like it's not really about the money per se, but about the fact that your FI is annoyed by the WIC and the pressure to spend, spend, spend on wedding-related stuff. Maybe spending a lot of money on wedding stuff makes him feel like it's taking the focus off of what the wedding is really supposed to be about--the two of you. That said, it sounds like you have done a really great job of trying to set an artibitrary budget and stick to it. Going over by $84 is not even a big deal at all! Basically, your FI is just feeling very strongly about this issue, and that's why he's not budging.
I think the best thing to do is to talk to him and explain how important having the wedding band you envisioned is to you--after all, it's something your'e going to be wearing for the rest of your life and it has a lot of symbolic value. Also, you should stress that you feel like this is a decision that you guys should be making together, as you will presumably have to make many more financial decisions together after your marriage. You could express your concern that if he isn't willing to compromise with you now, what is it going to be like going forward? Above all, make sure he knows that for you the wedding really is about your love for each other and not about material things.
I hope this helps!
I had a guy friend who had a very similar dynamic with his wife: he set the budget and managed the finances, and she did her best to stay within budget. It was always somewhat adversarial, and she always resented him for setting arbitrary numbers and then trying to force her to stay under them.
Then finally he gave up, and put her in charge of the budget. It was revolutionary - she saw things in a completely different way, and he learned what it was like to stick a budget arbitrarily set by someone else.
Maybe if you guys both manage the finances together, you'll both be on the same page a bit more?
Either way - good luck!!! My only random thought here would be - is it possible to beg your jeweler to cut you a break? My jeweler gave me a discount, because I promised him I'd buy my next major piece of jewelry from him and I'd make it up to him then! A lot of jewelers understand that they won't make a lot of money off the wedding jewelry... but once they have a relationship with you, they'll make money off of you as you have more money to spend! Just a thought...
did you ask the dress shop if they would honor the sale price? I know it is a bit late but maybe they will refund the difference since it was so close to when you bought the dress? Maybe you can tweak the wedding band a bit to get it into budget? or can you move $ from a nother budget (spend less) to cover the difference? Ultimately, it is less than 5% of your budget that you want to go over. I say just fund the $84 from somewhere else and your FI can't get upset because you are staying with in the overall budget. However, I do agree with Mr.Bee that it is helpful to make budgets together and with an educated estimate instead of using arbitrary numbers for the future.
In my eyes the problem is that the budget was completely arbitrary and you had to kind 'make something up' based on nothing. I would take him aside and explain that you appreciate being included in the finances, but it is a learning process for the both of you. Part of what you learned from the situation is that you need to do research into relative cost of items before setting a budget. Had you researched this, you would have set your budget at about $2100, what I assume would be a perfectly reasonable amount for you. Maybe explaining it that way will help him see that $2000 was an artificial number and that this is not about you 'going over' budget, rather, it's about you learning valuable information about budgeting together!
Another idea...if you still have more things to buy, maybe compromise and offer to cut the $84 somewhere else from the wedding (honestly, for that amount it would be easy - one less flower in the floral arrangements or something!) Or, if it's that big a deal, show him a place elsewhere in your non-wedding budget (clothes, groceries, oil changes, etc.) where you can find a better bargain and save that amount of money over a few months.
Also, about wedding not being about buying stuff...I agree, but maybe explain that while the wedding is one day, the ring is the one wedding item that you will actually have and use for the rest of your life. And, something you look at every single day as a reminder of your love and commitment for each other. To me, that is one place where a bit of extra money is totally worth it!
why don't you take money away from something else if the band and dress means that much to you i.e. DIY flowers, give up the limo; etc....
my reception is the most expensive part of my budget 75% but I saved by DIY flowers, just using my car instead of limo, hiring friends, begging favors from friends to do hair and make-up asking for discounts like mad, shopping for my gown at sample sales, BM sales dresses, finding a cheap videographer etc......for me it's one day in my life nad I want it to be special so my number one thing was reception
try to go over the numbers and save elsewhere
I am so sorry you're feeling frustrated. Believe me, I understand. My ex-h was similar to your FI, only to the extreme. His controlling way with me over money was one of the things that led to the end of our relationship. I don't say this to scare you - only in the hopes that you learn from what I went through.
The last thing you want to do is start your marriage off arguing over money, especially when you're NOT a child and don't need to be treated as one. I agree completely with MrBee. You want to handle finances together as a couple, which means you and your FI need to learn how to talk about it and compromise before you tie the knot. Being able to talk openly and honestly about money issues is extremely important.
It's also important that you talk about everything money-related. How will you handle your finances once married? Will you keep individual accounts, or pool all your money together, or maybe both? I think had my ex-h and I discussed this before we got married, it would've been a lot easier on both of us. Be honest about everything - your credit debt and school loans, if you have them. And don't go into a marriage not knowing the other person's financial situation, including how much money they make, what their spending habits are like, where are their weaknesses. It's important to know these things about both partners. Believe me, in the long run, it will save a lot of fights and heartache.
That said, it sounds to me like you're level-headed and fiscally responsible. And I agree with other posters that it was unreasonable to ask you to set a budget when you hadn't done any research yet. As long as the total comes in on budget, does it really matter how the money gets spent? Your wedding band is one of the only things that will go with you through the rest of your life - it's not the place to skimp. Maybe have less expensive food or favors. He may be feeling overwhelmed by all the money talk; I know my FI is having a tough time with the money aspect of the wedding, but the reality is, weddings cost money. I hope that you both will be able to work out a compromise.
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I am sorry, but I don't think you should be running around trying to save $84 because your FI is making you. I personally don't think he should be acting like he is charge and you need to run around begging people for discounts because of it. To ask your jeweler for a discount because your FI won't LET you spend a bit more to me is ridiculous. You guys are a team, you make decisions together. Which means, yes, you set a budget together and together you should be able to make reasonable decisions about changing it. And the ring you will wear for the rest of your life is worth the little bit extra you want to spend.
I would remind your husband marriage and successful relationships take compromise. You are a grown woman, finanically responsible and should be able to make reasonable decisions like spending $84 more on your wedding band.
Sorry, but I think his behavior is totally out of line.
Wow, some great points from the pps. The part where he made you set a budget before you knew how much either of those things would be, stood out to me too. And that you only went over by $84. That's a winner in my book.
At first I was thinking there's more to it. You're in debt and a spendaholic. But then saying how money conscious you really are. I don't get why he's doing this. I agree that it might be wedding overload that's pushing him over the edge.
Here's my theory: Your argument isn't about love or money, it's about power. It sounds like you're making a lot of the wedding-related purchases and decisions, and so he's getting a heavy dose of the WIC. He feels overwhelmed and like he's hemorrhaging money (because he probably can't really envision yet what it's going to, since you're the one fulfilling said vision). He's wondering what the point of all of this is.
He feels powerless to change any of it---powerless except for the one trump card you've given him to play---the budget. By holding you to the budget number you gave, however artificial, he is exercising power over you, the only power he has, something he feels like he needs to do or he'll go crazy and drown in all this wedding stuff.
So your argument is not really about the $84 you want to go over your budget. It's not about making adjustments and penny-pinching. It's about navigating this stressful time together and figuring out how to work as a team. It would seem that letting him be the budget-enforcer is not working well for you. Since you are better-versed in how much things cost, I would either do more research before you set a budget, or trade roles. You set the budget and ask him to find things that fit within it. Or share the roles.
Either way, he probably needs some time to cool off. Have you been talking about nothing but the wedding? I drove my husband crazy during our engagement because I wouldn't stop talking about the wedding and how much it was stressing me out. That just contributed to how overloaded he felt. Help him reconnect with his regular life, his regular fiancee (you, pre-engagement), his friends, and so forth. Then readdress the issue of the rings you like as symbols of your love. I think if you argue the money angle now you're just going to dig yourselves in deeper. This is really tough, but you're going to get through it just fine. Good luck :-)
I'm with Chelsea 100 percent. My xh used to get fixated on imho "little things" but not money but it was all about power and control.
Sorry he's doing this.
I would discuss this issue and how he's handling it with a counselor or your minister and see what their advice is. Again, this COULD be only wedding related and he may just be kinda being a groomzilla imho, or it could be something deeper.
Question: Has he exhibited controlling behaviors before? This is important imho.
Thank you Bees for all your advice. We had a long conversation about it last night and I feel much better about it now. 
Indie B - I have assured him that the wedding is about us.
mrbee- I can't ask the jeweler because I'm trying to purchase from Blue Nile
mrbee- Yes I did asked them to honor the sales price and I even contacted their corporate headquarters. They didn't budge!
Rose999 - I tried asking for that but I'm already cutting stuff out so it wouldn't work.
So last night after I posted this I felt like we really needed to discuss this issue. We spoke about his concerns about the wedding budget and how it seems to be getting out of control and I agreed to a certain extent. Planning a wedding for 120 people in Southern Cali is not so easy but he did acknowledge that I am trying. He said that the reason he wants to control the budget is because I seemed to be fixed on our wedding date without looking beyond. He told me he is only thinking of our financial future and is trying to get me to see beyond what is happening this year to ten eyars down the line. I agreed with his vision and we discussed what and where we invision to be in the future. We had a very good talk and I feel much better. I think I am just getting overwhelmed with all the wedding details. I did explain to him where I am DIYing things and how much we are acutually saving which he really liked.
Don't worry bees he is not a control freak and he not using money to gain power over me. We have been dating for 8 years and we talk more than then average couple in my mind but I guess we hadn't discussed the budget recently.
Anyways thanks for letting me vent out. I'm feeling totally fabulous today.
I personally dont think $84 is alot to go over, but some people would disagree.
Have you already found the band you want? If not, I suggest going to the Diamond District in LA! My fiance and I both got our bands there for a great price. I thought it would be totally shady, like people selling them out of cars, but they are all legit. You can barter to not pay tax if you pay with all cash, or get a discount. My band is a white gold princess cut chanel setting and it was less than $500! If you need recommendations on which places to go, let me know.
I would also contact the dress store and see if there is any way possible they can honor the sale price, or if they will throw in a discount for alterations or something.
I am sure you are on top of these things, but maybe this will help?
http://www.retailmenot.com/view/bluenile.com
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Why don't you post a pic of your desired band and see if someone in the hive can find you a comparable one for a bit cheaper. PS Who is your dress shop. I think that is super shady and if you make a stink they should have acquiesced to your demands. Someone on here (Mrs. Pineapple) wrote about her DB experience and the company remedied the situtation quickly.
I get the feeling that you don't feel like he appreciates how responsible you've always been financially, and I don't think cutting back elsewhere in the budget is going to help because, as other people have already noted, it's not really about the money. For one thing, if you have the money available and can spend it without going into debt or cutting back on your lifestyle, you really shouldn't have to "ask" to spend such a minor additional amount. It seems to be like *you* should be the one saying that you thought marriage was about love, and not money - he's the one turning money into an issue.
Frankly, I think this is a good issue to bring up in front of an unbiased third party. But then, I'm a huge fan of couples' counseling.
I've seriously thought this over and can say 100 percent, that I do not believe 84$ is way over the top. In fact you remaining WITHIN a thousand bucks of your agreed upon budget is fantastic!
How about having him watch real life couples deal with this on rich bride/poor bride? He'd see how FANTASTIC you're budgeting!
The store is Alfred Angelo's and I spoke with the store manager and she pretty much told me that she couldn't do anything about it. I wrote an email to corporate and they never responded.
naangel55-can you please send me a list of people you would recomend.
Thanks again ladies!!
Keep calling corporate. Any "regular" store honors sale prices with purchases within 2 weeks, and OBVIOUSLY the store HAD to know about the sale. Tell them you feel deceived, pressured to buy, etc, etc...and that you'll spread bad news about them! The higher up you go, the more likely you are to get what you want when complaining. It's true!
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ejs4y8- I included all that in my email and it seems to me that they just have terrible customer service.
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Call corporate....or quite honestly they may see this thread and hit you back themselves. I think it was deceitful what the store did, if in fact they knew what was going on sale the very next day. Keep us posted!
In my opinion, if there is one place to splurge on a wedding it is the rings. This isn't a flower that's going to wilt and die in a couple days, it's something you are going to wear every day for the rest of your life. It's probably the only thing you'll ever own that will last that long. It should be exactly what you want, so that you feel joy every time you look at it.
Unless he is paying every cent of the wedding expenses, he has no right to DICTATE what you do, as part of what's being spent is your money. It is very important to discuss budgets as a couple and to stick to them, but forcing the other person into a budget and never compromising only creates resentment. Perhaps the two of you can make up a budget for the entire wedding TOGETHER. Then if one of you needs to spend more in one area, you can see exactly what your options are for cutting back in other areas.
At this point, I wonder if maybe the ring you picked out is too tainted by all this to ever be a joy for you anyway. Give us a link to what you had picked out, and maybe we can find you another one that will better suit your budget.
Well, by contacting them I meant you have to call them. They can easily ignore your email. But a customer on the phone? Totally different story. Can't blow you off as much there! Believe me, NO employee wants to hear, "let me speak with your manager"....
PS our rings were our big fatty splurge. They were WAY more than the standard % of the wedding. Why? Because when the taste of the cake is gone and the photographs have faded and my dress is no longer in style....my wedding bands will always be a constant reminder of that day! And if you love them, well, isn't that the point? 
Why don't you tell your FI, since HE made the budget, that he should help you budget out $84 worth of dinners and video game purchases, LoL. Put the shoe on the other foot, lady!
So when you say you guys had a good talk - did he see your side about the $84 after the talk? Or did you decide the ring wasn't important and you'd pick another one?
I suppose a part of me thinks that yes, it's good that you are talking about your financial future and I am all for not going crazy with money on the wedding. On this specific issue, though, you're still really just talking about $84 for something you will keep forever, not thousands of dollars for the wedding in it's totality.
I guess what I'm saying is, make sure you've felt the issue out. If you are fine with not getting that ring because of the extra cost, then that is awesome and it's a done deal. No, it's not a lot of extra money, but if you are on the SAME wavelength about an 'every little bit counts' mentality, then I think it's great.
IF this is a disappointment to you, though, and you are just sucking it up to keep the peace, then maybe think about some further discussions about household finances. For example, how you will determine what is important spending-wise, or how you will research what your budget for any given thing should be. You may have somewhat different attitudes about money and want to think about future arrangements - my thought being that if this has come up once, it could easily come up again in a different form.
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I would SO pitch a fit about the dress! They had to know it was going on sale, and it is a major purchase. Heck, can you return it then re-purchase it at the sale price? That's insane.
To update everyone on the ring situation.
We have agreed to get a cheaper ring but he did promise (and he has always kept them) on "upgrading" it once we get into a better financial situation.
ejs4y8- I will definately try calling them and I emailed them again the same email.
Good, at least things worked out! Who knows, you may come to love your simpler ring. Personally i just LOVE diamond bands and I think they're wonderful for anniversaries! I originally wanted to do that, but my E-ring looked so poopy with plain bands.
A jeweler told me they can put edges with a sharp tool into the metal so it reflects and gives the impression of tiny pave diamonds, but when you get close up you realize it isn't. Consider that if you want sparkle! I'm sure it gets gunky tho, depending on what you do.
Let us know how it goes when you get ahold of a real person on the phone. Do what I do--I write down all the key points I want to bring up in my conversation so I don't freeze on the spot. This way I sound composed and mature and not whiny (which I tend to do) and very "adult". People have no idea they're talking to a 23-year-old! It's been a very effective tool for me, even at work.
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Based on your last update post, i hope you are happy with your decision.
I tend to agree with PP's that your wedding band is really one of the only things that will be important to you for your entire life - and as such, I think $84 is definitely not too much to splurge.
I just wanted to let you know that I just got an email today from diamond.com - they have a sale going on that is 20% off ALL wedding bands (plain and diamond bands) until June 9th (I think..). I just looked at them and it is a pretty good selection! I would check it out. I'm not sure if you need the coupon code that was in the email - but if you do, just private message me and I'll give it to you.
Good Luck!
I'm sorry - your situation is infuriating and I hope I don't come across as inflammatory.
Where, in this day and age, does your fiance think it's his right to be in charge of all the money, and his place to be giving you 'permission' to spend it???? Permission???
Please inform him in short order that the year is now 2009. In order to fit in with the current times, he should do his best to be less of an arrogant clod and more of an equal partner. If that doesn't set him straight, find yourself a guy from this millennium who will treat you like an intelligent, independent, capable adult worthy of his respect.
Update:
It's funny how as I'm going back and reading what was going on back while we were planning the wedding we argued about the silliest stuff. I can't believe how stressed we were about everything. I did end up getting the band that I wanted along with the dress that I dreamed about. I actually ended up doing everything exactly how I planned it. After this discussion we realized how silly this argument was and I agreed not to go overboard and he agreed to trust my spending habits. We kept everything within our overall budget and he ended up buying me a car for as a wedding present. 
Married life is great and I can't complaint about anything.
Congratulations on the wedding, and I'm happy that it all worked out for you!
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I want to know if I'm being unreasonable here.
My FI and I are on budgets constantly and for the most part we always stick to them. Recently he has been complaining saying that he is always the one that sets the amount on things that we are going to be purchasing. To which I said it's because you're the one that handles the finances. Well this got me no were and he pretty much forced me to set a budget for my dress and and the wedding band. He kept pressuring me to give him a set price (note this is before I went to try on dresses) and I said fine $2000 for both. At that time I was sure I wasn't going to spend so much on my wedding dress but that is now a problem since I have spent $1184 of my budget and I'm left with $816 for a wedding band. I am feeling really upset right now because I think that it's not fair that he is holding me up to this when he knows that I am really good about budgets and savings. We have the money for the band and don't have any debt or anything so we can afford it but he just won't budge. I simply want to go over by $84 and he said NOPE.
This sucks and I feel really frustrated and I pretty much told him to buy whatever ring he wants because I don't really care anymore. To which he replied..."I thought that weddings were about love not buying stuff."
I can't believe he said that when I try so hard not to buy stuff we don't need and I am constantly making sacrifices to save us money.
I just want to cry and I really don't want to talk to anyone else about this since they probably won't understand. BLAH!!
I'm also frustrated because if I would have waited one day (actually more like about 10 hours) to purchase my dress I would have gotten it for $150 cheaper (yes, he knows this part too) and we wouldn't even be having this discussion.
What should I do? I'm I being too childish?
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