Post # 1
…who don’t understand what ‘no children at the wedding’ means.
We were at a baby shower and all the women there came alone…meaning, without their kids. Guess who shows up with both of her children? One of FH’s cousin, also a guest at our wedding. Upon the first few words we exchanged, she goes “Are you having kids at your wedding?”…while also looking very intensely into my eyes. I froze. I honestly did not know what to say.
First of, that was the first time I had met this woman. Second of all, no one has even received the STDs yet so she doesn’t know if she’s invited (if she weren’t it’d be an even funnier story of me not knowing what to say). But moreover, judging by her bringing her kids to a baby shower, where none of the other parents brought their kids, I knew what answer she wanted.
So I politely said:
“We’d (FH and I) rather you come and enjoy yourself! I wouldn’t want you leaving early in the middle of the party because one of your munchkins was getting fussy! It’s kind of a late affair, ending at 2am and all, so I want you to be stress free!!”
…all with a big smile & hoping she’ll get the hint.
“Ohh! I have a stroller. They’ll be fine!! :)”
Sigh. Really lady? You’ll be that person? When everyone else doesn’t bring their kids, you will…and people will ask me why she was ‘allowed’. I can’t tell people what to do!
When I spoke to FMIL later that day (who was there and also heard the conversation) she said that she’s the trouble maker who always goes everywhere with her kids. Always. She said she thought I handled it well and that she’d try to break it down to her better, being that she’s her niece and whatnot.
I honestly don’t mind kids running around because there aren’t that many kids of an ‘annoying’ age in the family….but…if it’s child-free, I would respect the host’s wishes or just not show up. I’m fine with that too.
Ugh. This will be fun.
Post # 3
Whenever I hear people trying to bring kids to a wedding where the couple getting hitched doesn’t want kids, I always worry that they must not be able to find a sitter. Maybe it’s a good thing you haven’t decided to invite her yet, perhaps she doesn’t need an invite!
Post # 4
@Mimoza: honestly, i DONT know why people want to bring their kids. My family got a babysitter and sent the kids home at 9pm which was a good idea. The other baby at my wedding spent the night CRYING because she was tired. I have no idea why they didnt get a babysitter for her or have her grandparents pick her up.
Yes i understand loving your kids and all, but at an adult function wouldn’t you rather enjoy yourself instead of telling your kid to eat their foods?
Post # 5
@veryberry13: Oh I understand that there could be underlying reasons for why people need to bring their kids with them. But judging from this encounter, where her husband was home alone doing nothing that day, perfect baby sitter, she still brought her kids.
She’s FH’s cousin, so we can’t not invite her. She’s a really nice lady, don’t get me wrong. It’s just….I don’t purposely give newlyweds problems if I can avoid it. I’d appreciate others having the same consideration lol.
@Swizzle: EXACTLY! Don’t they have a bedtime??? They should.
Post # 6
@Mimoza: I’m sorry but this is my pet peeve. I do not do not do NOT understand why parents think this is ok/socially acceptable. It is NOT socially acceptable to bring your children ANYWHERE they were not specifically invited, be it dinner party, cocktail hour, baby shower, or wedding!
ARGH!!! I would have flat out said no, but you sound nicer than I am!! 🙂
Post # 7
Etiquette Snob here… lol
You answered it extremely well… and that is how I VOTED
The woman is a boor… her manners (lack of them) is deplorable
And obviously others in the family are quite aware of that
I’d be really tempted not to send her an invite at all …
Strictly because of what she’s done in this example…
Corner You – Ask You – and then basically tell you “too bad so sad… I will do what I want”
Sounds like no one else in the family would miss her, or blame you.
Post # 8
@wrkbrk: :p Haha. I honestly don’t want to burn bridges this early. I’m hoping the RSVP online that only has her and her husband’s name will get the message across a little better.
@This Time Round:
Thanks for your reply!! 🙂 That honestly makes me feel so much better! Like you said, since everyone in the family knows her particular character, they wouldn’t feel like I gave her the option to bring her kids, whereas no one else was ‘allowed’. So if she does end up bringing her kids, I will have the caterer accommodate them and be a good host…but still be quietly annoyed lol.
Post # 9
@Mimoza: I think what you said would have been a good first answer, but i would have just straight out said “no” to her response.
I had a similar thing (not kid related) when FBIL talked about bringing one of his buddies (we’re having a small 50-60 person wedding). I first told him we only wanted to keep it people FI and I are close to. His response was “yeah but he’ll come, it’ll be good” I just said “no he’s not coming”
Post # 10
Post # 11
@Mimoza: I don’t think a person who can tell you face to face that they don’t care about your preference not to have children at your wedding, would understand the subtlety of an invite with only the couple’s names. But, fingers crossed !
Post # 12
I like what you said initially, but after she refused to take the hint and made the comment about the stroller, I think I would have said you are sorry, you are not inviting any young children, and that it wouldn’t be fair to other guests with children to make an exception.
Post # 13
@Mimoza: Don’t hold your breath on that…………but good for you for being nice and flexible!! Seriously!! 🙂
Post # 14
@NauticalDisaster: +1. I was trying to think of a way to phrase this nicely so thank you for posting this.
Post # 15
@Mimoza: I second@This Time Round: I wouldn’t invite her. Obviously you don’t know her that well since you just met her for the first time. Maybe it just “slipped your mind” or if she has to be invited I would call her directly after you get back her RSVP and tell her no children are allowed, and you understand if shes not able to attend. Tell her its just not fair to the other guests who have children for her to be allowed to bring hers.
Post # 16
@NauticalDisaster: Sigh. I know, I know…one can hope? :/
@wrkbrk: I think I have to add this on my “Could go wrong” list. Filed under “WILL go wrong”.
@memo: & @weddingmaven: You guys are right that she probably needs a straight forward answer (even then…) but my FMIL will hopefully handle that. And if not, OH well. lol