Post # 1
It’s not that I’m bummed, but maybe a little apprehensive because I have seen many couples, my parents included, lose that “spark”. I don’t want that to happen to Mr. Tacos and I. And I am determined to not allow it to happen.
But the wistful hoping of an engagement has been replaced by a knowing it will happen. And when it changes to “knowing”, I started wandering in my thoughts to all of the huge changes coming in life. The “milestones”. What will happen when we have a child? What if we can’t? How much weight will I gain? What if he/she isn’t healthy? Mr. Tacos runs his business out of his home, so what do I do when the baby is fussy and he needs to have quiet?
What about 20 years from now? When we’re getting a little gray (shh, Mr. Tacos already has some gray!), and our parents begin passing away. How will we handle that together?
What if I fail at pharmacy? We’re thankfully not in a financial crunch, but I don’t want anyone to “have” to support me.
Anyone else going through this? Is this normal?
I suppose the comment Mr. Tacos made about my gift from his mother, whom he’s now tagged as my “mother in law” though we’re not engaged yet, had something to do with it. I love Mr. Tacos, but I am a teensy bit scared!
Post # 3
I went through this phase right before we got married. I’ve never doubted my choice, of course, but I think it’s natural to be afriad of these things. We all know the divorce rate, and we all know that it’s so high because couples run into those problems that they just can’t see themselves getting past certain things.
For me, I decided to always remind myself that there will be rough patches. There will be times, probably when we have kids, where we’ll both be so stressed, maybe down on our luck, broke, out of jobs … whatever. Our marriage might be in trouble, and I might get fat (a lot of people in my family are overweight). So many things could happen! There might even be times when I wonder if I still love my husband. BUT, I married him for a reason, and I didn’t make that decision lightly. You just have to go back to that reason, and make time for each other.
My aunt and uncle have always been the picture-perfect couple. They recently celebrated their 40th anniversary, and shortly after, I found out that they almost got divorced a year ago. They have problems with their daughter, and it’s torn them up inside. My uncle has always been madly in love with my aunt, and vice versa, but this was one thing that just took a toll on them, and they just couldn’t handle it. They went into therapy and realized that the problem was that they let it consume them, and they neglected each other. When they celebrated their anniversary, they decided that they would truly be together forever, even if it wasn’t perfect or got worse than it already was … because they love each other, and always will (even if they think they don’t sometimes).
Post # 4
Marriage is huge! I had a moment like that a few weeks ago where I realized “OMG, wait. What am I getting myself into again?!” The nice thing is that the more I thought about it and the more I worked through the scenarios, my fears began to disappear. Whatever happens will happen, and I know that I can handle it. That we can handle it, because he’s as dedicated to making it work as I am.
Which bee was it that made that emergency box thing, where they had the letters to each other and the wine? I would find it really encouraging to write down my thoughts about my SO now, and why I chose him, and save that for a rainy day when my thoughts aren’t so clear.
Post # 5
I worry about this too. Not so much about how we will deal with forks in the road, because we have already dealt with so many I’m not worried about it, but more about will we still feel the same way about each other in 20-30 years? What if we lose that ‘spark’? I don’t think there’s any way to guarantee that we won’t. And that’s a little scary.
But we met each other in 2004, had an instant connection, spent 2 years without speaking as our lives lead us in different directions then he came out of nowhere and scooped me back up into his life and proposed shortly after. The whole time we weren’t speaking we still felt the same way about each other and thought about each other a lot. We are so close we always know what the other person is doing or thinking. And the spark is still strong 5 years later! So hopefully that helps.
Post # 6
Man oh man, I feel you on this one girl. It’s totally the type of thing that blindsides me on a normal day. But you know what? I love him. And I figure that as long as I make that CHOICE to love him and to honor the commitment I choose to make, we’ll be okay. Our lives are in an absolute TANGLE right now trying to figure out where we’re going to be next year and how to plan a wedding in 5 months, definintely not fun (especially when my job here is SO stable and what if I can’t find a new one when we move?) but I wouldn’t trade being with him for anything in the whole world.
I’m terrified, but confident that we can do this as long as we don’t lose sight of what’s important.
Post # 7
after we had our marriage talk, it really hit me. and i started to freak out inside, and i had those same questions. marriage is a HUGE leap of faith and i am kind of in a similar situation. we have been through quite a bit already and if that didn’t shake us, i’m not sure what will. i agree with KMSull – perspective is important and as long as you know in your heart you’re doing the right thing for you, the rest will happen as it is supposed to!
Post # 8
The whole “MIL” comment he made did me in! Eek!
Thank you for the advice; it helps to know I’m not totally alone with this. I absolutely love Mr. Tacos and wouldn’t want anyone else to be my husband or the father of my child. But still… the fact that this will actually happen is… daunting!
Post # 9
J and I are both going through this a little right now. I think it’s important, because if you never think about it… well, how can you know you’re making the right choice, and that you WANT to make that lifelong commitment? I feel like facing these feelings is part of it being/becoming about marriage, in a long term sense, and less about “ooh shiny ring – commitment sounds good on paper – I want a big poofy white dress!” at least for me.
Your focus is in the right place, your feelings are natural, and it’s a great jumping off point for some of the really important talks you and your FI should be having before getting married. 🙂
Post # 10
It is weird to think about “the rest of your life” in any context imo. Thinking about it that way just reminds you that your life is finite and a one-shot deal and man that is SCARY. But if I’m going to go through this scary life, that I only get one of, I want my best friend next to me holding my hand, and we can be scared together.
Post # 11
Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with an instruction manual; however, if you always put each other first, you will keep the spark and everything else alive.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone else. Anytime you think about something so huge, of course it’s scary. But I am excited to go through it with my best friend!
Post # 13
You ladies hit the nail on the head with the “best friend” title. That’s absolutely right. That gave me a brand new perspective – thank you!
Post # 14
ive had that moment of “can i do this… for the rest. of. my. life”
and the answer is yes – there isnt anyone else i would want to share the rest of my life with
i look forward to thinking in 10yrs time “wow, where did 10yrs go!”