Post # 1
So I have a six day old baby girl. I posted about the delivery but basically when delivering her the cord got wrapped around her neck twice really tight making it difficult for the doctors but they managed thankfully. She was gray and pale the first day and had red patched from where the cord was so tight.
So we get released from the hospital 48 hours early. I notice she looked a bit yellow so I take her to the doctor the next morning. They run tess saying they will call when they get the results. A couple hours later and two nurse’s knock on my door. I accidentaly mixed up two of the numbers for my phone and they couldn’t get ahold of me.
They said I needed to take the baby to the hospital right away, her levels had more than doubled in 24 hours and she needed to be in the billy bed right away. Her jaundice was getting dangerously high.
She stayed over night and me and my husband by her side. She got better and we were released. We have spent two nights at home so far, I know it could be so much worse and I went through the same thing wih my older daughter when she was a baby with the jaundice not the cord.
But with all the doctors and her being in and out I just want some time with her. From the moment she was born visitors were in there during every minute of visiting hours. I wasn’t even given a chance to sit up before family came barging in after the baby was born. I mean I still had the cathetar in!
So now everyone is wanting to visit hold her and babysit and I just want time with her. I feel like I don’t get enough so I find myself taking over all the feedings from even my husband. Every waking minute I want to be there. I’m trying ro make sure my husband gets time but everyone wants to come over or expects me to just drop her off with them. In time yes but right now I just want our small family yo bond without all the interruptions. My brother plans to bring his three kids this weekend, my mom was here all last week and is coming back today, his family are coming by or asking us to stop by every day.
Am I unreasonable? Would it be understandable for me to decline and ask everyone for space? If I did that is there a way to not sound rude about it?
Post # 2
Yeah, I think it’s fine to ask for space. I wouldn’t end all visitations forever, but tell people you need some quiet time with just the three of you. There are lots of ways to do this – one visitor per day with a day or two in between, or visitors only on weekends, or only in the afternoon, or whatever. People are just excited, so don’t hold it against them. But it’s absolutely okay to speak up and let people know that you’re overwhelmed and need some space with your husband and daughter.
Post # 3
“Thank you so much for all the offers of help. We would love to have you come over and visit the baby a week from Friday,” etc. – i.e. you tell them when they are welcome to come.
Post # 4
You need to say NO! Get your husband to play the bad guy roll. Ring up your mother and tell her not to come over. Get him to tell his family to give you some space. Make sure to remind them that you haven’t had a lot of alone home time with her yet. I bet they don’t even realise that this is the case. Ultimately just remember that they want to love your baby and give you a break but if they are hurting not helping then I’m sure they’d like to know. If you were unintentionally intruding, wouldn’t you like to be told?
Post # 5
You have EVERY right to decline, and tell people you need some time, and you should tell people that. It’s not anyone’s place to decide when they will come to your home and interrupt your time with your week old baby. As KCK said, come up with a good line that makes you comfortable enough, “we really would love to see you but right now we need some time with the baby to re group, things hvae been really hectic. Maybe in a week or so etc etc..” and don’t feel bad, and if people make you feel guilty, don’t feel guilty. Stick to what you need.
Post # 6
It’s a perfectly reasonable request.
Just tell people that you have had too many visitors and need some time off. “I’ll let you know when the welcome sign is back on the door.”
Post # 7
Mrslovebug: Tell everyone YOU need to rest and need a break from the visitors. You just want to relax and bond with your daughter alone/as a family. I dealt with jaundice too, its not fun. I’m glad she’s home and doing well and hope you get your bonding time soon. Take care of yourself also!
Post # 8
Thank you all, I feel less baf about this now. I thought maybe I was just being selfish or something but its nive to know its acceptable.
I guess they are all just too excited. They are just expecting me to hop on my feet, go each night to dinners, have the house spotless and basically be super woman the day I was released from the hospital. This healing takes time, just because I can manage to sit through a dinner without screaming in pain doesn’t mean its easy. The recovery has been hard too. I’m in constant pain because I don’t want to get loopy from the narcotics but apparently childbirth is a breeze and I should be able to run a marathon and move furniture etc the moment I’m releaded from the hospital.
My hormnes are still raging lol. Wonder when they will go back to normal
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Mrslovebug: Tell people that with all of the complications you and your husband want personal private time to bond with your new baby. Tell you you aren’t accepting any visitors for X number of days and that you need them to respect your need to bond as a family right now. Then don’t answer the door or the phone for a few days.
Post # 10
You just went through a traumatic experience. Definitely tell people you need some time. But do try to relax and get some rest as well. If you are doing too much and not resting it won’t be good for you or baby. Settle in and then let everyone visit!
Post # 11
Mrslovebug: UGH tell everying to buzz off lol!!! I mean in a nice way. You guys just went through a rough birth and I can imagine its extremely overwhelming. Tell everyone that you love that they want to be there but you guys need a few days of downtime because its all starting to hit you and its starting to get hard to get the baby on schedule when people are constantly in and out and your just getting the hang of it yourself! I think the best thing to do is have your hubs spread the news…if the husband is the one who says guys… shes having a rough time and now and she really needs rest because everythings starting to heal and shes in pain, and we want some time with the baby…..
I read once in an article ill see if I can find the link lol its hilarious (warning…. some people take it too seriously but its meant to be written in somewhat satirical words) that everyone thinks a protective dad is like cute and endearing but a protective mother is crazy lol.
I know Im personally going to be laying the groundwork for how “visitors” are going to be the first weeks after Im home as soon as conversations start when we get pregnant lol. I have very in your face IL’s so I will be on that like white on rice, and basically if my DH goes against me he will have been warned what will happen.
like I said this article (and a lot of the site) is meant to be humorous in some of the wording though it has some really valid information lol. The main point you should take note of is “partner plays the bad cop”
Post # 12
Mrslovebug: You can absolutely ask for space. Don’t feel guilty about it! Visits should be running with your schedule.
Post # 13
Exactly why I limited visitors so strictly at the hospital and even when we got home I kinda just turned the phone off and only allowed one scheduled visitor a day. It didn’t create warm and fuzzy feelings with some of my family but they all seem to have gotten over it!put your foot down…no more visitors this week!
Post # 14
Mrslovebug: Completely understood you want time. My son was born 7 weeks early. I didn’t even get to hold him until the next day and even that was for a only a few moments. He had to stay in the NICU for 4 weeks. I had to go home without my little boy. The first 4 weeks I never had any actual alone time since we were in the NICU.
Post # 15
Thank you all again. Its been hard but we have been working on asking for space. Today though my daughter had a ballet recital (she is six) and we invited some family of my hisbands. Now our six year old isn’t my husbands but he has raised her as his own and has pending adoption papers now. I know she isn’t blood but he feels like she is. His family says they don’t want to show favortism but during her second and last dance his family disnt even look up, they just droolef over the baby. I mean you can’t take two minutes to watch her perform when its her show?
Now that upset me but what got to me was I let them hold the baby since she was waking up and the music started to get loud. My baby was obviously uncomfortable by it to I asked my husband to ask thrm to cover her ears. Their response? “She’s fine” and ignored the request. I am overly emotional and I do realize that the cord issue has caused anxiety about my baby being hurt but I don’t thibk I was being unreasonable in asking they cover her ears.
I’m being cranky I know but it really seems like our wishes are being ignored and yes this is the first baby born on his side of the family, none of my DHs aunts or uncles had children so its up to him and his two siblings and this is the first born but I need space, I have just decided today to breastfeed so even more space is needed to get that started since I’m a week late, and I need my voice heard when it comes to caring for my baby!
And they wonder why we declined their dinner invite last night.