(Closed) I just want to ELOPE!

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
1987 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I completely understand where you are coming from but I also understand that he does believe that the Wedding is about family.

The real question is- does he want the wedding and the family affair or is he just afraid of backlash from not having a wedding?

My Fiance wants the wedding- it isn’t just about the backlash, otherwise we would be eloping.

Post # 4
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MsPanda: Just tell him it’s your wedding. 😉

…only kidding.  FI wasn’t into the idea of eloping either until I laid down the costs for him.  It was going to cost us well over 20K for our originial plan.  That would’ve been fine with me if we didn’t have to go through what we did with his father.  Anyways, that’s another story.  So, I told him I would MUCH rather save that amount of money for our future kids or to put something towards a house eventually instead of ONE day that comes with so many stresses and unnecessary problems.  He finally saw what I meant and hopped abroad.

ETA: I also made a compromise to have a “bigger” wedding to renew vows.

Post # 5
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was lucky–DH and I were on exactly the same page with this. I think it’s one of those things you can’t force, or you risk having him resent you. I agree with MissPumpkinPie’s suggestion…if you tell him how much money you’ll save, he might be more willing to consider it.

Post # 8
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MsPanda: Well, tell him you’ll be doing the same thing, but having the big wedding later to renew vows.  I don’t see the difference either, but then again men are from mars and women are from venus. 

I can understand where he’s coming from, but what’s most important is that you two are married and happy.

Post # 9
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Each person has different needs for the wedding. Mr. LK was fine with a courthouse job, but I needed the ceremony and symbolism of the wedding, and I needed to be surrounded by the love and support of our community as we made those vows. When things get tough, those are the people we are going to look to for support, to prop us up until we are able to stand on our own feet again. Those people mattered to me, and ultimately Mr. LK appreciated having them there for that day. Yes, we could have saved $$ by eloping, but he supported my needs and was willing to spend an agreed-upon amount to make that moment come to fruition. If your Fiance needs these people to be at the wedding, I think you need to suppoort that. Just because you don’t value their presence doesn’t mean that he feels the same way.

And disappointing/ticking off family can be a bad way to start a marriage. Mr. LK’s Uncle eloped, and Mr. LK’s Aunt has never forgiven her brother for eloping. It’s been 20+ years, and she still makes snide comments about it. Sometimes it’s better to suck it up and keep the family peace.

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