Weddingbee boards

Let me start by saying that I am prone to depression. It runs in my family (I don't really know for sure if depression is a genetic thing, but there are sure a lot of us in the fam who have it/have had it in the past), and in the past I've gotten pretty depressed, enough to see a therapist for awhile. I've never taken meds for it, though.

In the past few years, it has seemed like I so very rarely just feel happy. I am always somewhat anxious, worried, or down. It's a feeling I can't really define. I used to attribute this to the fact that I hated my job, but I quit the job and went back to school to pursue a new career path that I thought I would love...and now I'm just back where I was before, feeling down. I have the hardest time getting myself to do anything. I keep thinking, man, am I just lazy?? No, I don't think that's it, but ugh, I don't want to do anything. Wedding planning has helped a little, but not much. I feel like I just have no energy. I almost feel like I'm literally drained of a personality because of this, like all the life has just leaked out of me and I'm just this shell of a person, still walking around and trying to function normally.

It definitely doesn't help that it's winter time and disgusting outside here, but I was feeling this way back when the weather was still nice, too. If anything, the winter just makes it less noticeable to other people because everyone's mood is more muted around this time of year.

I can't really afford therapy at this time, but I've been thinking more and more about going to see my general physician to see if she would prescribe me something to help with this. But then I feel like maybe it's something where I just need to change my habits, or my self, in some way, and then I could feel happier again. When I look at my life overall, there's no reason to be unhappy, and I can't honestly say that I do feel unhappy. I just don't feel happy. Everything feels muffled.

Have any of you been like this in the past? Did you try taking any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs? Did it help?

@Miichelle: Good idea. I didn't think they would have anything like that, because it's a community college. But I just looked it up and they do have one. Maybe I should go visit them.

I do think that antidepressants help. I take Zoloft and it's okayyyy but I know people who take effexor (sp?) who have better luck. Some people say that antidepressants make them zoned out and if you experience that then you should try something else. For me I still experience all my emotions but it feels like the edge of the sad/angry ones is taken off. It doesn't hit quite as intense.

I am definitely prone to depression, and can feel it coming on. I think that you should research different kinds of depression and see if you can figure out if you have a trigger (such as seasonal). I know that I'm depressed when I can't think of anywhere in the whole world that I would want to go. Other than antidepressants or therapy I can't really think of anything else to help. Sorry:(

@persianprincess: "Combat the dark side" is a pretty accurate description of how it feels. Kind of like it's always there, waiting to get you. Incidentally, I am taking the pill, and have been for the past several years. I will be sure to bring that up with my doc or the counseling center people. I would hate to have to go off of it, but on the other hand, I hate feeling this way even more.

@Miichelle: I am sure the stress of school isn't helping, but truthfully I've felt like this for a few years now, and I've only been back in school since last January. I really can't say I've ever been a happy-go-lucky kind of person - I've always had a more anxious/worried aspect to my personality. But I do think I've been happier in the past, and I'd like to get back to that state.

It probably would be a good idea to go talk to the people at the counselling center. It's really hard to talk about this with my FI because he wants to help and "fix it", but he just doesn't really understand it. I am worried that eventually, my "dark side" will leach the happiness out of him, too.

@mg1363: and @ustechie:, thanks for your input on the use of meds & how they've worked for you. It's weird - I have a degree in psychology, and I totally support people using antidepressants/antianxiety meds when needed & prescribed by docs. But when it comes to myself, I feel so hesitant about it, like I should somehow be stronger than that. Silly, right?

The idea of being able to pinpoint exactly what's going wrong in my brain & having a drug targeted to fix that is, like, a dream. It'd be like having proof that it's not just some defect in my character, it's an actual physical imbalance, just a medical issue. No shame in taking a drug to fix that, right? @tksjewelry: that's so great they could do that for your dad.

@MissTatas: I know you're right, but it's so very difficult to find the motivation to do that right now. I hate how that cycle goes - you don't work out, so you feel more depressed and even less like working out, so you don't work out...

@cyndistar3: That situation with the Paxil sounds awful. As much as I would like to be on a regular sleep schedule (for instance, it's currently 12:18am, and I am not a bit sleepy; tomorrow at 2pm, I'll be dead tired), I would hate to go through that. I am glad that you've found something that helps you cope without making you ill like that.

Definately go see your doctor, and see if you can get on meds. They have generic versions of most anti-depressants, which is better than nothing. Actually a lot of physicians will give you free samples if they know that money may be an an issue. Most depression or anxiety is more of a chemical imbalance than an environmental or emotional problem and once you get yourself back in balance you will notice a world of difference in how you feel. Also-be aware that sometimes it takes more than a few weeks to notice a difference, and sometimes you need to adjust dosage a few times before you click on the right medication/dosage to get back in balance. I wish you luck.

Thanks, everyone, for your helpful advice. It really, really helps me to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this. Most of the time this makes me feel so lonely, like why can't I just be happy or content or excited like everyone else. As much as I feel bad that others are going through this, too, it also helps me to know I'm not alone.