Post # 1
Just need to vent… In a lot of ways I’m very lucky. My family is great. I have health insurance. I have an amazing fiance, and soon we’re having a big expensive wedding. But for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel really depressed. I did some exciting wedding things today, but I didn’t enjoy them as much as I know I would if I was happier. I’m unemployed. My fiance says not to worry about it, but also, to worry about it. Because we need the money if we want to do everything we want to do, and being unemployed is making me unhappy. But looking for a job, and getting a job that I won’t hate, seems so hard. And wedding planning is feeling so hard too. I’m doing most of the wedding planning, though we have a planner, but I’ll be so disappointed in myself if I can’t pull off my dream wedding. I feel like my family, and my fiance, and his family, would be disappointed too, though Iknow they care more about me than the wedding. I wish we had eloped. I wish we could elope. But there are so many deposits. I would always regret it. I’m too particular to just pay our wedding planner more and give her creative control. But I wish we had eloped. Or that I was perfect. I wish I was established in my perfect career, and had no problem working hard all day, then coming home to do the dishes, and design the invitations, and walk the dog, have a nice, healthy, interesting dinner, relax watching tv, fuck, go to sleep, and get up early the next day to exercise before work. And that I had friends to hang out with on Saturdays. I have a bad habit of bottling my emotions, then breaking down in front of my fiance. And today I realized that stress is making me look like shit. I also have a bad habit of acting like my problems don’t matter becauseother people have worse ones. But unemployment sucks. Wedding planning is stressful. It’s normal to care too much about what other people think, even when you’re drowning. But it’s not healthy. I know that. I go to thetherapy some, maybe I should go more. But what if I should be spending that time applying to jobs, or working, or wedding planning, or cheering up my loved ones? If I get a fulltime job, and it’s totally exhausting, when will I be able to go to therapy to talk about that? I should probably go show this to my fiance. He’s great. He was just trying to get me to explain why I seemed sad. I said I felt pressure, and needed an hour to take a nap. Instead I cried and wrote this. It’s good to vent. It clarifies things. Anyways, if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading. I hope you got something out of it, even if it was just compassion because you’ve had some of the same emotions. I know I’m not alone, but reassurance is always nice.
Post # 2
Give yourself a hug on my behalf. It’s common to become depressed while unemployed. I know when I was unemployed I got pretty bad. I’d suggest talking to your doctor to see if you’re a candidate for anti-depressents. Even if you’re not, you should start volunteering somewhere. It will give you a reason to get out of the house, and let you feel productive in a non-working capacity.
Post # 3
anonicorn: You sound exactly like me. Its kind of scary.
I recently got fired from a job because I told my manager that I was being harassed by a coworker. Im currently unemployed and the second half of the deposite on my venue is due, like NOW. I dont dare pay them because I may need what little savings I have for rent.
My fiance doent earn as much as I do. I just have a more lucrative occupation.
I have been so depressed all day. I really wish I was perfect to. Every little tiny thing that goes wrong feels huge.
But the good news is that this will pass. I will get a job. I have a great resume because I invested in myself. I may feel like crap now, but Im a fighter and Im NOT going down this easy.
Fight. Fight until the world goes up in flames around you, and then fight some more.
Your not the only one out there who feels like this. You can beat this. Do not give up!
Post # 4
Being unemployed sucks! I totally feel you there. And winter is just DRAGGING. A lot of people feel down right now. I just yesterday started at a new gig and it was a relief- I was feeling the exact same way.
My suggestion is for you to keep moving. Wake up at a normal time, eat breakfast and apply for a few jobs. Go to the gym. Get dressed (not pjs) after your shower and knock out a wedding task. Plan thoughtful meals, get into a hobby or a DIY project. I signed up for a jewelry class for this exact reason. Enjoy your guy when he gets home and make plans with friends and family that you can look forward too. dont analyze yourself too much- NO ONE is perfect- contrary to what their facebooks would have you believe. Keep your ass moving, keep a routine and hold a positive vision for your future instead of lamenting your present. And when it’s real bad make a long list of all you have to be grateful for. Read it every day. You can pull through just keep putting one foot infront of the other! Xx
Post # 5
This too shall pass….
Try not to get stuck in thinking that the way things are now is how they will always be. Things can change for the better very very quickly, so focus on what it is that you DO want (instead of what’s not right) so you’ll recognize it when it does show up. 🙂 Hang in there and have faith in yourself to create the life you want! It will never be perfect, so stop striving for that and just try to strive for a place/life/job/whatever that’s better than where you are now. Little steps can make a huge difference.
Post # 6
MrsBuesleBee: +1 to everything you said.
The only thing I would add is go tanning (just a tiny bit). You can actually get vitimin D from a tanning bed AND the tan will clairify your sikin and make you look thinner.
All good things when your feeling down.
But remember just a little. I go in for maybe 5 minutes once a week for 3 weeks and stop. But do whats right for your skin type.
Post # 7
ImperialRed: yes I totally agree! I get bad seasonal depression as does my mom. Her doc recommending a tanning bed (7 minutes in the weakest bed, lots of sunscreen, no more than twice a month, only during winter) and it actually really does help with the winter blues.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
likewoah: +1. You said everything I was going to say.
OP, being unemployed SUCKS ASS. It really eats away at your sense of self-worth. Add that to actual depression (I’m no doctor but you definitely sound depressed – I am familiar with the bleakness and exhaustion of depression through people close to me) and it’s bad news. I’d go see somebody and if you’re diagnosed, try some medication?
Beyond that, you gotta just keep applying for jobs even though it’s discouraging. Make yourself spend 2 hours a day applying, searching, working on your resume, etc etc. When you land a great job thanks to that hard work, you’ll be glad you didn’t just give up.
And I second the suggestion to volunteer somewhere. When I was unemployed after getting my master’s, I volunteered at an animal shelter. It made me feel a lot better to have something productive to do, and those excited animals will cheer anyone up!
Hugs to you xox
Post # 9
Thanks everyone 🙂
Tanning beds terrify me, and I live somewhere fairly sunny anyways, so I don’t think that’s my problem. I walked around outside all day yesterday having a really nice day with FI and I actually really enjoyed myself.
I have a 2nd job interview on Tuesday, and I don’t have all the ideal qualifications, but I think I was the first person to apply and the guy seems to like my personality. I just have to keep my head up. But I’m not pinning all my hopes to that, and I’m going to start volunteering somewhere that would be good for my resume.
Depression does run in my family, and I’ll look into antidepressants if I start to feel worse, but for now I think I’m good.
Post # 10
Your head will sort itself out you don’t need therapy, you need to keep busy!
I suggest a course, it doesnt have to be expensive, it could be night school, anything. You need something you can talk about with your FI.
Seriously ask yourself what you would enjoy studying, your brain needs stimulus and occupation and you will see that it shuts out the rubbish when it is given something of interest. That is why you are depressed you don’t have a job. But really you mean occupation. Just because you are paid doesn’t give you self-worth, it is the of being busy.
So, first of all integrate yourself in the community. Even offering to walk a neighbour’s dog.
You need to be around people now, not left alone to fester.
Rethink your diet, cut out what is bad for you. This is the best time to be firm with yourself when you are feeling critical about the world. Draw up resolutions and stick to them.
DO something out of the house. You will love every minute, I guarantee it.
And start telling your FI how glad you are to have him in your life.
You can turn this thing around fast.
Forget about yourself, but feed your brain with what it craves and nourish your heart by speaking kindnesses to people and they will return to you.
Post # 11
I would second what other people said about therapy, but I would hold off on the meds. I’m a therapist and I can promise you that therapy alone can be just as successful as meds, only you can feel more productive because it’s you actually doing the work and not just your biochemistry. I can also recomment ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). It’s based on exploring your values and choosing the right actions to make you happy and successful. It can clarify your own mind on what’s important to you. And to a similar effect, you can try mindfulness. Just 5 minutes a day of being mindful can make a world of difference in your perspective on life. Lastly, remember to cultivate some self-compassion. The same way that you care about other people, their problems, and what they think, remember to be kind to yourself. Afterall, you’re only human.
I can also relate to how you’re feeling. I’m not unemployed technically, but I don’t have a paid job because I’m in grad school. I work my ass off to get my degree and provide free labor to get my clinical hours (I’m getting a doctoral degree in psychology). It’s stressful beyond belief, but because I don’t have a “real job” I often feel like my problems don’t compare to those of others and like I should just suck it up. My friends and dear SO have to constantly remind me that I’m a person too and am allowed to feel how I’m feeling. And that my problems are as important as anyones. And so are yours.
Hang in there. As someone else said, this is temporary. *hugs*