Post # 1
I kinda of messed up with my bridesmaids and wasnt completely truthful with their dresses. I feel horrible about it and dont know what to do, Okay heres the story…..
We originally had a bill levkoff dress (style 165) picked out for them. They both loved it and dont get me wrong I really really liked it too. It was a long sweetheart chiffon gown with rouching up top. I was a little to flowy and too full on the bottom and the v neck was very deep. I called the dress salon and switched their dresses to another bill levkoff dress (style 193). It looks very similar to the original dress we chose. Its still sweeheart but the v neck is more subtle and not as deep, its still chiffon and flowy but more of a gathered skirt still with a rouched bodice.
We went to the salon to order their dresses. I totally meant to tell them that I had switched the dresses but once I got to the salon I got caught up in looking at jewelry and shoes while they were ordering the dresses. The lady at the salon asked if they wanted to try the dress on again and they said no which I should of pushed for them to try it on since they had never wore style 193. They think they ordered style 165. Also later on one of the girls said the dress looked a little different and I didnt say anything.
I feel bad now especially knowing when they go to put their dresses on they will notice its not the same dress. The style 193 has an inner clasp and outer clasp from what I saw and Ive seen that some bees have posted that it is uncomfortable unline the style 165.
Am I wrong for not telling them I switched it at the salon?
I guess I also kept my mouth shut too because I got so sick of them saying they didnt like stuff and giving me a hard time about dresses and what not when its not even their wedding. I dont mind peoples opinion because it often helps me choose but also I was tired of hearing them constantly tell me stuff that they didnt necessarily like.
What do I do now when the new dresses come in?
Post # 3
Telling them will just make them mad, and they’ll still have to wear them. Honestly I’d just play dumb or blame the salon. Fessing up won’t make either of you happy or change anything.
ETA In light of what’s happened maybe you could let them pick their own hair, make up, accessories, and shoes. The dresses are so similar that I don’t think they’ll really notice.
Post # 4
I would come clean now. Especialy if they’re paying for the dress they deserve to know what they actually purchased. Also, I’d hate for them to attend the bridal store alone on pickup and ream out some salesperson who doesn’t deserve it for messing up their order…
Post # 5
So, let me get this straight. You told them to try on dress style A, but when you ordered it, you ordered dress style B and now you don’t want to tell them.
Thaaaaat’s pretty shitty.
Why would you want to continue to lie to your friends and family? That’s worse than the offense, if you ask me. You can use it as a marriage lesson: If something like this happens with your husband, are you going to lie (or refrain from telling him) too?
Tell them and offer to pay for any alterations if there are any.
Post # 6
Just for future posters here are the dresses.
Style 165 (original)
Style 193 (what was ordered)
Post # 7
@Hyperventilate: Im not saying Im not gonna tell them, I really just dont know what to do or the best way to tell them:( I guess part of me feels like it technically doesnt matter because its my wedding and I can choose what I want, alot of my friends that have gotten married didnt even let the bridesmaids see their dress before they ordered it but then the other part of me feels horrible. If it was the other way around I would be a little pissed knowing I spent money on something else.
And I have never lied to my fiancee about anything and I wouldnt start now. It was just a little mistake that I didnt even realize what happened till it was all said and done.
Post # 8
Fess up. Honestly, if they’re so similar, why did you switch inthe first place? And why not tell them as soon as you decided to switch instead of waiting until they’re ordering? I don’t get it. But at this point all you can do is come clean ASAP so they don’t have a big shock right before the wedding.
Post # 9
Just tell them and get it over with. If the dresses are the same price, they might be miffed but may get over it. The longer you wait, the more things will fester. Just be upfront with them for the rest of the wedding. No one likes that many surprises.
Post # 10
@JenGirl: Yea I feel like thats the best thing to do. The main reason I switched becuase they have biger boobs and I thought the deep v on the original dress might be showing the girls a little too much. Also the skirt it fuller on the original one and I liked the gathered skirt on the second one. And when I called the salon to switch we went the next day to order. On the ride there we literally we talking about everything but the wedding and truthfully it never crossed my mind. I really did mean to tell them.
How do you suggest I break it to them?
Post # 11
I like the first dress.
I get that you got sick of them not liking stuff, but how disrespectful of you that you let them spend money on something they didn’t even get to try on. Had it been me, then I would be asking you to compensate me for YOUR dress and find someone else to wear it.
And I’d have to think hard about whether or not you’d be a friend I’d want to keep.
Post # 12
@angiemk47: “Hey guys (or whatever you call them), I ordered a different dress than what we had originally looked at because I liked it better. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I’m just letting you know so no one is surprised [when you go to pick up their dresses] (if they are). If it needs to be altered, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
I’m a big fan of brides getting what they want on their wedding day, but I disagree with the statement of “I guess part of me feels like it technically doesnt matter because its my wedding and I can choose what I want.” While you’re right, you don’t “get what you want” by spontaneously going, “I don’t want this anymore, but I’m going to go ahead and change it for something else despite other people paying for it/having discussed another style/what have you.” It’s very bridezilla-y in my opinion and disrespects the people you’ve asked to be in your bridal party.
I’m not trying to make you feel bad. First step towards fixing a problem is admitting you have one and I commend you for that. Now you just need to make it right with the people it directly effects.
Post # 13
Even if they are similar, it would be incredibly rude of you to make them purchase a dress they have never seen nor agreed to buy. You need to tell them ASAP. I know I would be extremely offended if I had tried on and agreed to purchase a dress and then the bride essentially went behind my back and ordered something different without my knowledge.
Post # 14
Thanks for putting this into perspetive Bees! I knew since I was feeling bad about this then I obviously did the wrong thing. I am not a bad friend at all, but it did seriously slip my mind at the time. I will have to talk to them tomorrow.
Post # 15
@AllieLaLa: Agreed. Tell them ASAP.
Post # 16
You should have told them, but the best course is to tell them now. In my opinion the dresses are very similar (and I like the 2nd better) and they’ve got no real reason to complain. Because they’re so similar, I disagree with PPs who say you’ve done something really bad.
This is why I think brides should pay for the BM dresses. If your BMs do complain, an option is to pay for the dresses yourself, at least partly.