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I wouldn't be so sure he "knows exactly what it means." I think you need to have a talk with him instead of playing games, and I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but hinting at what you want is not going to get you what you want. I'm sorry that you were disappointed by the gift, but you really need to talk to him about this.
Talk to him! Men aren't mind readers, and while you may think he knows, he probably doesn't. Calmly let him know how you're feeling and ask him what he thinks about the situation.
I agree, guy can be pretty clueless about hinting (even really smart guys). I have found that spelling thing out as clearly as possible will get you the best results. Sometimes I am amazed at what I have to spell out for Mr. Aardvark but once he knows what I want he is all over it. Good luck!
I hear ya sister! 30yrs old with a damn boyfriend. Doesn't bother him since he calls me his fiance to people.
Whatevs.
I'm in a sucky waiting phase. Sorry I can't offer some positive advice.
"I hate seeing girls younger than me and who have been with their SO less with rings on their fingers."
Okay. I kinda get this because I have had the experience of seeing friends get engaged super-fast and thinking "Ohmygosh! They've been together 1/2 the time we have -- what's taking us so long?"
But really, that's ridiculous. It's not like there's a finite supply of engagement rings or future husbands out in the world and every girl that gets engaged is taking away an opportunity for you to do so.
Just focus on YOUR relationship. Try to resist the impulse to compare it to others. And I agree with PP, bring it up directly with your SO.
I have to admit I think you're being EXTREMELY passive-aggressive about this. People aren't mind-readers, and unless you've had a very frank conversation about your expectations, he might not know exactly where you're coming from. The fact that you have a dog and a mortgage (are you both on the deed?) sounds to me like you're both pretty deep into this.
You've gotta stop comparing your relationship to other people's. You have no idea whats going on behind the scenes, and you don't know if they'll last. All you can do is focus on yourself and your own relationship. Imagine if the tables were turned and he was comparing your relationship (or other personal detail) to another and yours just wasn't good/fast/exciting/happy/easy enough.
You sound so secure and self-confident, but are you really prepared to walk?
@KristenGotMarried: You have no idea whats going on behind the scenes, and you don't know if they'll last.
Good point! You never know what is going on in someone else's home.
I totally understand why you feel upset but I agree with other posters - talk to the guy about it!!
As a newly engaged person (he proposed last week, woohoo!) I can feel your pain. I used to think we would never get engaged or that he would take way too long- little did I know he was planning his proposal for MONTHS! You need to be upfront with him and tell him what's on your mind. Don't play games with BBMs or messages you feel like he must understand- like the others said guys can't read minds.
Have you talked about marriage and getting engaged soon? Is this something you're both agreed upon for the near future? I would say relax and just let him do his thing- it can be more fun and romantic if you let him plan something special & romantic. I know it's hard to wait sometimes but it will be worth it!
comparing yourself to other couples is fruitless. i have a friend going through the same thing. she texted me this morning that another friend of hers got engaged and she isn't happy for them. i just don't understand that. it doesn't matter if a couple has been together 6 months or 6 years, if they are 25 or 40. when they get engaged really has nothing to do with you.
i will give you the same advice i give her. find something else to focus on. go to the gym, take a class, find a hobby. stop obsessing. getting a ring isn't EVERYTHING. it's a great and exciting time and you're taking the fun out of it for yourself. and if being engaged is the most important thing in the world, you should propose to him.
now, maybe it's easy to say all of this because i have seen the other side. when i was 26, i was in a HUGE rush to be engaged. after daily reminders, he finally did it. about 6 months after the engagement, i realized i didn't even like him that much. (and we were living together with a puppy.) i just wanted the be on the same page as my friends. i called it off.
i'm 33 and i have seen several friends and my sister go through divorce already. each and every one says that if they could go back, they'd take more time and focus on WHY rather than WHEN.
life isn't a race. relax and let it happen naturally.
It seems pretty passive-aggressive to post something like that for everyone to see. =/
Men and women have really different communication styles (: just tell him exactly what you're feeling/thinking rather than wasting time comparing your relationship to others and getting disappointed and upset. Maybe he just doesn't understand your hints fully, or maybe he's planning something really great ;) Whatever the case may be, don't let the lack of a ring or proposal ruin your Christmas (or his). Good luck (:
No he knows what it means. We have had the discussions as recently has this week. We have talked about things and clearly i didnt just blow him off i have talked to him today. I'm simply venting my frustrations because he has indicated that he wont be proposing over the holidays because he thought it was tacky. Thats all.
And as happy as i am for everyone i know what is getting engaged i feel like i'm at a road block and want move forward.
@KristenGotMarried: I dont think i made it clear. We have discussed marriage and i know it will be coming relatively soon. We have shopped and he knows what i want.
If he were to tell me "I dont believe in marriage so we will never be married" yes i would walk because i dont want to be with a person who has fundementally different values. Thanks for your post!
@Wonderstruck: And i wanted to delete the post right after it went up, but apparently you cant in this forum.
@Rush1986: I feel for you. I also have a small box under the tree that I strongly suspect is a different kind of jewelry :(. Oh well, I'm sure it'll be beautiful. I just wish after over 5 years.....
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I've been REALLY struggling waiting for this proposal. The last 4 months have been really tough since i feel like there have been a million times he could have done it if he wanted to. I also know he has enough money saved up. (birthday, anniversary, christmas season, really a wednesday evening would work at this point).
We opened some Christmas presents last night because he wanted to. Well i really didnt want anything i opened. I faked my happiness. I then felt my stocking and there is a little box at the bottom of it. TOO small for a ring but the right size for earrings. He also had mentioned how much he liked my earrings this weekend and asked if i liked diamond studs.
So this morning i have been fighting my tears because i really dont want earrings when he could put that money to a ring. And i just keep feeling like i'm wasting time if i wont get what i want. And let me tell you...i am HUGE on not wasting time with a guy who wont give you what you want. I tell my friends this all the time.
So i never have anything on my BBM but this morning i put in the little memo thing "There is no greater harm than that of time wasted". lol 30 min later my SO asks what my BBM message means. He knows EXACTLY what it means so i dont really want to respond.
I feel horrible because i keep getting upset about this over and over. But honestly i dont care at this point. I'm exhausted. I hate seeing girls younger than me and who have been with their SO less with rings on their fingers. My internal clock is ticking loud and i feel like a teenager with a boyfriend (even though we also have a mortage and puppy). All my other friends aren't at my stage in wanting a ring either, or they already are married so i dont really have anyone to vent on that understands. I keep thinking "if he wanted to be with me forever, he should have done this already and i shouldnt be feeling like this". I really wish guys would get a clue.
ugggggghhhh