Post # 1
FI’s brother’s wedding was held last weekend after just over a year of planning. FI and I are planning a much smaller affair with only 5 months notice. I knew that once FBIL’s wedding was over that I’d start catching grief about ours.
I’ve already booked a venue and ordered invitations, so as far as I’m concerned we are locked in to a maximum comfortable number of people. FMIL is now wanting to invite all of her friends and rent a bigger venue to hold them all. Oh hell no. I like my venue. Yeah, it’s going to be outside in January. Yeah, it’s small. But it has two beautiful outdoor fireplaces and the one thing I’m super excited about is the s’mores bar with those fireplaces.
Unfortunately, FI dropped the “if you want more people then you can pay for them” thing and she accepted. Ugh. That’s just great. Now I have a whole bunch of people that “want to get to know me (FMIL’s words) that I’m going to be obligated to invite in order to keep the peace. All this because I wouldn’t let her friends throw a freakin bridal shower. I didn’t want a shower because I didn’t want to invite all these people. And now she has strings to pull. This is not going to end well.
Post # 3
Can you talk to her about keeping YOUR wedding the way YOU want it, but allowing her to host an after-party or a get together on another day?
Post # 4
Get on the same page with your FI. Then sit down with your FI and his mom and let him do all the talking. If a small wedding is what you and your fiancé want, get ittt. If she really wants you to meet her friends, throw her a bone and say that you’ll attend her next party once you’re back from honeymooning.
Post # 5
@DaneLady: +1 I really like this idea, and I wish I had used it for MY fmil
Post # 6
@DaneLady: That’s one thing that FI and I have discussed. I don’t know how well that’s gonna fly with FMIL though.
Post # 7
You are having an outside wedding in January?? Where do you live? OAN: It’s YOUR wedding, put your foot down and tell your mother-in-law that you want to do what you want.
Post # 8
@Sugaree: I am sorry :/ but the bright side, she is paying for the guests and the bigger venue.
Weddings bring out the worst and the best of people. If her worst is to invite her friends and pay for a bigger venue, that is not bad. (in my book)
Post # 10
I like the idea of letting her host a party shortly after the wedding for her friends.
I don’t envy your situation. 🙁
Post # 11
Your fiance shouldn’t have made that offer without talking to you- it’s better than him just saying Ok Mom no problem, but still not appropriate. He should have to go back and say that it’s no longer okay, but that she’s welcome to host another reception for her friends at a later date. Your wedding is your wedding, and you should celebrate with those you KNOW and love. Not those you hope to someday get to know.
Post # 12
If you can’t find a way out of this, I would also insist that she pay for any non-refundable costs for the invites and venue already booked.
However, I would talk to FI and use Dane Lady’s idea. If you don’t want to invite her extra people, make sure to not let her set up “meetings” that leave you feeling obligated.
Post # 13
@Ashley1281: I live in Alabama. It’s kind of a crapshoot with the weather. Average high is 53 and average low is 33. This year January 12th was just under 60, but last year it never got above 30.
@karineh: The venue is the problem. I love my venue. I don’t particularly want a bigger venue and even if I did, invitations have already been printed and I’m not sure I’d even find anything other than a VFW hall this close to the date.
ETA: Here is a pic of my venue.
I suppose that she could rent tents for the lawn if she wanted to. I think she’ll change her mind once she realizes how much this is going to end up being. My wedding is inexpensive, not cheap. And it’s inexpensive because I didn’t invite the whole world.
Post # 14
Your fiance shouldn’t have told her that iif it weren’t the case. If I were you, I wouldn’t rescind on the compromise because you will start more drama.
Post # 15
@Sugaree: you know, that is a good idea. I would tell her the invitations have been printed etc. Then show her the options of accomodating more people in the venue you chose. This way she either stomachs the cost or pays for it but either way you have the venue ;p