Post # 1
Ok ladies I have to vent something un-wedding related off of my chest. My FI started his new job back in November. He seems to love most of it and seems to be really happy. The people he sees mostly is one other guy and the secretary. The other guy he works with is Dave and my FI talks about him but not nearly as much as he talks about the secretary, Mary.
My FI is 22 and takes good care of himself and his looks. Needless to say Im the same way and I’m very in tune with my “outside” self. This is what confuses me. This mary is in her early 40’s, has 5-6 kids, looks like shes had that many and quite tall. She smokes (huge turn off for me) and talks like a sailor (Although I can have a sailor mouth too. opps!). But for some reason my FI knows all her kids’ names, some of their birthdays,(Some of her kids are older then my FI!) and allll about this Mary’s weekends. Everyday he comes home with a new story about this Mary. Yesterday she went home sick and I had to hear from him how “she got sick early this morning, So she went home at 11:30. But I’m thinking she will be back tomorrow,but thats only if she feels better….”.and on and on. Ummmm…WHY do I care???????
Now on his way home from work he called me and was saying how happy he was its friday. But goes onto say “Well marys not excited because she has to work tomorrow”. I swear EVERYTHING that he tells me about theres a “Mary” story connected to it. It just rubbs me the wrong way.
I’m hardly ever the jealous type. And I’m not sure if its jealousy or pure annoyment I’m feeling. I know hes not cheating but this is really crossing some boundaries of mine. I dont like him knowing so much about one woman. No matter who she is. Is this normal?????? Any thoughts??????
Post # 3
haha wow.. yeah I wouldnt think too much of it because sounds like when he talks about her, its work related. I am a secretary for all men.. and I used to be VERY close to one of the guys here, also much older and married (he no longer works here). I was around him the most during my work days and we would talk about everything. It wasnt romantic at all though! Basically just life in general. I would have even said he turned into a bestfriendatwork haha. I think I would go home and tell my husband all about the things I did at work and the crazy story’s my coworker had shared or whatever crazy dance he did in the office.
Now I can see how it could have been annoying and I wonder if my husband felt the same way as you.
Post # 4
I think you may be overreacting. He just seems to like his job and the women he works with! Better than him hating the people he works with. I really dont think you should let this bother you!
Post # 5
Maybe he just wants you to know about his time at work and these Mary stories are the only thing worth mentioning. I know my FI will talk about his co-workers and bosses when I ask him about his day because he knows that his actual work is not as exciting. He’s an electrician so he could tell me about how he installed electrical panels, or he could tell me about how his boss’ wife is having a birthday party over the weekend.
I would worry about it, but I can see how you could feel jealous. Talk to your FI about how you feel.
Post # 6
btw maybe you can jokingly bring it up to him like “what is it with this mary lady, why are you always talking about her?! & see what he says”
Post # 7
Honestly, I think he is just trying to talk to you about his office and that might be the only part that he feels comfortable talking about. My husband can’t talk about his work because he has a security clearance so he can only really tell me stories about the people that he works with.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t worry about it. Some people just bond more with others – it doesn’t really matter what sex they are since he’s acting appropriately and not trying to hide anything.
Post # 9
Maybe Mary is chatty so he can’t HELP but know everything about her.
If he only has contact really with two people and one of them is a guy chances are the woman talks more so that’s probably the reason he talks about her – since she’s really the only one he’s bonded with.
Plus if you’re spending 40+ hours a week with someone you’re bound to talk about them if you actually get along with them.
Post # 10
Yeah, I’m trying not to let it get to me too much. Usually I just nodd and smile and pretend I’m really finding it interesting. But sometimes I’ve had enough of Mary so I just quickly change the subject and hope he gets the hint. I never get mad or anything but its really just rubbing me the wrong way. =/
Post # 11
I’ll chime in and say that the hubs and I talk a LOT about our coworkers with each other. I’m not sure why, but we like to know what the other does at work all day long, and sales reports aren’t super interesting. I think this is just his way of trying to let you in. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. Maybe Mary’s a really fun character at work?
If you really can’t stand to hear about Mary, calmly say, “Hun, I love hearing about your day, but I hear an awful lot about Mary. Maybe we could slow down the Mary talk? It’s just hard for me to relate because I don’t work there.”
Post # 12
She seems like more of an office mom to him than any competition to you.
Post # 13
I don’t know, I have a new story to tell my FI about my coworker Adam several times per week, and I can guarantee there’s nothing shady going on. It’s just that we have a lot in common and a lot of things to talk about, and they’re things I think my FI would want to hear, too. I’m always like “Adam won really good seats to tonight’s baseball game!” or “Adam is going to wear a CAMO vest to his wedding, isn’t that awful?!” He’s the person I talk to most at work, so of course I’m going to have the most stories about him.
I think he’s just excited about his new friend. I wouldn’t be worried.
Post # 14
well if its a small office you tend to get to know your officemates very well; she must be a very jolly person and maybe even motherly; he must have gotten very close to her and likes her a lot…as a co-worker, I wouldnt worry about it, i think you are just jealous of the time he takes talking about her, concentrate on the two of you instead of people around; I have co-workers i tend to like more than others
Post # 15
It’s likely you don’t have anything to worry about. Basic male gender behaviors–come home and ‘gab’ his day out. Mary is obviously a big enough part of that to include. This is sometimes used as a way to include you on how his day went. Whether you care or not, he’s looking to converse about it–and who better than you to do that with?
Both you and he will forge new recreational and professional ‘friendships’ over the years with people of all ages, sizes, and regardless of their number of children will still likely have something in common and know way too much about one another. Workplace osmosis–you absorb a lot of information whether you want to or not.
Hang in there and relax. Be happy he wants to share with you. It is when he stops that you might have something to worry about.
Post # 16
I picture Mary as that co-worker who tells you everything even if you do not want to hear it. And the fact that your FI is listening is nice. This woman is probably so starved for attention or friends that she thinks that telling everyone everything is the way to get it.
Look at this in a good way. Your FI is very aware and can repeat things he was told. So you should have no problem with him forgetting any importand dates or anything you ask.