Post # 1
and I will talk to him tonight but right now I just need to get it all out so I can try to focus on work.
So my FI and I are getting married in 3 months. We have been together for 4 years. About a year into the relationship I found out that he had been speaking/emailing an ex-girlfriend. Now, I am not the type who says no you can’t talk to anyone of the opposite sex. He has plentyof friends that are women. But I do have trust issues and he knows that. I was cheated on in a past relationship and didn’t even know it until after we had been broken up for a year. I was up front with him from the beginning about my trust issues.
But their conversation is just something that I will never forget. I found out from an email he told her that he still loved her, its not over until someone says I do, and that if things don’t work out with me he would give it another try (with her). I was quite upset when I read that. I told him I was leaving and he begged me not to, he said that it was a stupid mistake and he didn’t think when he sent the email.
We talked for a long time and worked things out. It took me awhile but I was finally able to trust him and stop thinking that he was doing things behind my back.
Until this morning. A couple weeks ago we combined our cell phone accounts to get a better deal. Well we got our bill in and it was a lot more than what we were expecting so I was trying to figure it out (it has to do with the prorated stuff since we switched in the middle of our billing cycles). While I was looking at our bill an area code stood out. That phone number will always be stuck in my head. He had been talking to his ex-girlfriend. What makes matters worse is that he started talking to her again during the week I was out of town doing some wedding stuff with my Mom. Now these are not just 5 minute phone calls. They are hour long calls during the entire week. Plus there were many text messages sent at all hours of the night. Ever since that week he has been talking to her multiple times a week.
I am not sure what I feel right now. I really want to go home and talk to him but I have a few more hours at work.Until then I am stuck here wondering what happened between the two of them while I was out of town, if anything did, or it was just a phone conversation.
If you are still reading this, thanks for listening. I just need some words of encouragement as I really don’t want to bring this up tonight but I know it is something I have to do.
Post # 3
Don’t freak out until you go home and talk to him. Take the bill to him and say, "you know I would have no issue trusting you, but here it is plain and simple…why are you talking to her, and what is going on?" Try not to yell or be irrational…be calm and just be VERY straightforward so you don’t get a beat around the bush answer.
I know it doesn’t look good, but it’s the right thing to do in talking to him. I hope everything works out ok and I wish I could give you a hug! Hope for the best, but know that it’s best to find out any skeletons now than later when you ARE married. Either way I think you guys have some stuff to work out. Obvoiusly somethign triggered his discussions with his ex girlfriend. And I’m sorry but did he really think you wouldn’t find out after ya’all combined phones?!?!
Post # 4
Hang in there! Deep breaths, and like ejs4y8 said, try to be calm. remember that whatever happens, you will get through this.
Post # 5
Darlin’ I think you need to talk to him. I know it’s a hard topic , and not somethign you WANT to do but ejs4y8 is right .
Post # 6
I’m so sorry – You are correct you must talk to him about this – something is not right. At this stage of the game he shouldn’t be talking to, let alone thinking about, an ex. It hurts when you are cheated on when you are not married – multiply that by a thousand when you are. I would think long and hard about a marriage with someone who admits he still loves someone else. You don’t deserve that.
Lots of talking needed here and maybe a postponement – very painful but believe me less so than a divorce. Remember Princess Diana?
I wish you strength.
Many Hugs to you.
Post # 7
Thank you so much. I know I just need to go home and talk to him. Its just hard sitting at work, knowing what I know and not being able to leave for another 4 hours!
Post # 8
Sorry… (hugs.) I know it must be hard, as you are at work. Everything will be OK, in the long run.
I hope there is a reasonable explanation for you. But you have your suspicions and are right to question what has been going on. I agree you need to talk to him, when you get home. It is a blessing to find this out before the wedding.
I had an ex bf I still was kind of friends with. So I can understand staying in touch. But it was more occasional. Talking an hour everyday, seems odd, especially when it was a spike while you were OOT. Do you feel it has been about a while since they’ve really spoken, or that this has been going on more continuously?
Keep us posted. Good luck.
Post # 9
*HUGS* I’m sorry you have to go through this 3 months before your wedding. Hang in there and hope for the best! Good luck talking with him tonight… like other have said, it’s always a difficult topic to discuss…but it will help you get it off your chest and hopefully find out why he is talking to her again.
Post # 10
I agree, you need to talk to him and be very calm and to the point… just like ejs4y8 described. Hugs to you!
Post # 11
So sorry about all of this. Huge electronic hug shooting your way.
Yes, eventually you will have to talk to him. But for now, breathe and know that you have a support network right at your finger tips!
Just remember that whatever happens, you’re going to be ok. *Hug!*
Post # 12
While you are going crazy at work, why don’t you write out a "speech" for yourself in Word or something? That should help ease the jitters, get everything out on paper you want to say, and help you organize yourself so that when you get home, you don’t start crying and forget everything you intended to say. I do this a lot and while I feel silly going to have a discussion with a speech almost, it’s the only way I say what I have to say right then and there.
Post # 13
*huggles* This is tough but there could many legit things that were going on. So don’t do anything rash till you talk to him.
Post # 14
I am so sorry… many hugs your way. Use this time before your discussion to collect your thoughts and focus on being calm. If you can talk without immediately having him get defensive, this is your best hope of getting the truth. Importantly, regardless of the explanation (and hopefully it was nothing!), he should be more mindful of your feelings given the past situation. Don’t be afraid to communicate what you need in the relationship to feel safe and secure. Best wishes!
Post # 15
i’m so sorry about this. yes, you should approach him calmly and find out the reason for his communicating with her so much (did she have a death in the family? is she very sick?), but i don’t know–and i say this obviously not having talked to him or knowing all the circumstances–barring any emergency/extreme situation, talking to someone else that much, especially an ex, is not right.
Post # 16
Firstly, I’m sorry to hear all this is happening 3 months before your wedding. I hope you can calmly discuss this with your fi. In all honesty though – if it sounds like a duck, walks like a duck and acts like a duck, it probably is a duck. I don’t see any reason why he should be talking to her/texting her w/the frequency that he has been. I don’t care if there has been something serious going on w/this other girl – doesn’t she have OTHER friends to talk to other than her EX?!? Sorry, this topic gets me really REALLY riled up b/c I’ve dealt with this in the past and there is NO reasonable excuse for this type of behaviour!!!!!!!!