- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Um, yeah. It sounds like your life has been some form of competition with this girl for a while, and it's probably about time you outgrew that form of "friendship." I doubt that her marriage has anything to do with you. Possibly none of her life decisions have anything to do with you. She certainly didn't head right out once she heard you were engaged and find some random guy to marry just to one-up you. Since you say she is your friend, it would be nice if you could be happy for her, rather than just thinking of all the ways her good fortune sucks for you.
It sounds like you've made some decisions about your wedding already, including having some type of destination event - I'm sure there were reasons for that, and that you realized when you made the decision that your guest list would end up being smaller. So how is it now tragic that more people will be able to come to a local wedding, just because that wedding is hers? If that's a big thing to you, then you should consider changing your location.
But seriously, your wedding is not some kind of competition, unless YOU want to make it one. Theoretically you are marrying a man you love, with your family and closest friends happily involved and excited for you. How does that suck at all? Try to concentrate on your own happiness. Trust me, if you go through your life comparing what you have to what everybody else has, and if your happiness always depends on being first or better or having more, you are going to come up short more often than not. There is always going to be some girl with better clothes, a newer car, a bigger house, a better job, a richer or more handsome or more considerate husband, more money, smarter kids... you see what I'm saying? Happiness is what you make of it. Your happiness should be self-contained, not comparative. If your life only doesn't suck when you're more fortunate than your friends... well - I wouldn't want to be one of your friends.
Thanks.. I needed that. I really do love this girl and desire her happiness as well as my own. I think part of my problem is that I've been getting 3-5 hours of sleep the last few nights in making transition from college to home.
Well, that will make anybody hysterically cranky. Both the lack of sleep and the shock of living with parents again. And of course, there are people whose lives just seem annoyingly charmed. Usually, they are also the people who are secretly binging and purging, or whose husbands turn out to be compulsive gamblers, or something like that.
I am good friends now with a girl who was a cheerleader at our high school (I was a band geek) and she says she always kind of envied us because we looked like we were having so much fun, and we didn't seem to care what anybody thought. So the thing is, the grass is never really as green as it looks. (Plus the really handsome quarterback she married turned out to be secretly gay. Oops.)
And you have all kinds of fabulousness ahead of you! Sleep late tomorrow and think good thoughts. Because your FI loves you lots and lots, and your wedding is going to rock, and you will actually be too busy getting ready to really care whether you have the time or money to go to anybody else's wedding. And believe me, when you are standing at the altar looking into his eyes, you're not going to be thinking about who couldn't or didn't make it to your wedding. Not one bit!
![I know I'm being petty.. [long bridezillay rant] : wedding Img](http://boards-static.weddingbee.com/my-plugins/bb-attachments/icons/img.gif "jpg"){kind=icon}
stellasweet-engage-carmel-4.jpg (137.3 KB, 81 downloads) 2 years old 
I can related to how you are feeling SO MUCH. My Fiance and I got engaged in December after dating for almost four years and living together for three. My Fiance's brother started seeing someone we know from college last Feb., after ending a ten year long distance relationship in which he was practically engaged. A WEEK after we got engaged his brother proposed and is now engaged and getting married 2 months before us! There is nothing any one can do or say now, but I know how it hurts to feel like you waited for something so amazing and special to happen and then just like that people who are supposed to be the closest to you do something so shocking. I'm still trying to get through this and just focus on our time which is already going so fast and the fact that I'm even sitting here wasting time talking about it angers me, but talking about it with all of you is a step in getting through it. All it comes down to is that you are going to have an amazing wedding and try to only focus on the love and happiness you have in your life.
I can relate, but not in the same exact situation....
My FIL and MIL have been divorced for many years.... DH and I were together for 5 years before he proposed and got married exactly 6 1/2 years after we started dating... our moment to shine.
Well, in Nov 2005, FIL meets a woman on an online dating site...they start dating and in March 2006 announce their engagement, but FIL promised his son he would not get married before us. Well, our wedding took place 6.17.06 and they got married 4.29.06, because she didn't want to meet the family for the first time as the "Other Woman", she wanted the Title of Wife... my husband is still livid to this day that his dad could not let him enjoy his day, everyone was congratulating us and them at our wedding... kinda tacky, especially for only knowing each other 7mos at that time, and it being my husband's father...
I hope you can get past this, but I can understand how you would feel overshadowed...
::deep breaths:: No worries! As I always say (especially when it comes to weddings), better to vent a little now than let it fester later. If nothing else, remember Meg Ryan's character in French Kiss mantra: Fester and rot, fester and rot.
As for your current issue: you're totally allowed to react to this, because it's a serious shock! And it's better to address it straight away than pretend that it's fine and get resentful later. Yes, it's a bummer that hers is before yours--but try to focus on the more positive aspects of it--you'll be able to see what goes well and what doesn't and you can adjust accordingly. And as other posters mentioned, it's not a competition! Try to focus on the positives--you can plan together, and B&M together, and vent together! You'll both be more sane for it now, and it may help you come together, so...bonus. Just try to maintain positivity because if you don't no one will, and that will just make things worse. Yeah, it stinks that her super-short relationship is getting more "attention" but you know what? Your real friends will still be there for you (and if they can't, they will be able to tell you why) and all will work out in the end. As my mom is wont to say, it always does. :-)
Also, if you need to vent about living at home again, well, feel free to send me a PM. I lived at home for 18 months post gradutation (while in the midst of a long term relationship) so I totally know where you're coming from!
Sounds like a lot of people have these stories!!
What do you think about this?
My FI's twin and his girl are now in competition with us for a wedding date. We are extremely happy with our date, and will not let anything else ruin it.
You would be so much happier and less stressed if you just focus on how wonderful your wedding is going to be. It seems that there will always be family and friends before and after us, and as much as we want to, we just can't help it.
Take all of the energy and channel it into making your relationship, engagement, and wedding beautiful, happy, and the blessing that it truely is.
I learned in one of my education classes that we are never supposed to measure students up against their classmates, only themselves. Never measure your worth on someone else's ruler.
bcbg.jpg (1.9 KB, 158 downloads) 2 years old
Well, I saw her today and met her FI for the first time. He really is perfect for her. And she was really upset that her sister told me, because she wanted to be the one.. she also told me that they picked October because their other possibility would have been two weeks after my wedding, and she didn't want to get in the way. It stung a little to have to remind people at church today that they haven't seen me either since I've gotten engaged, I would like a hug and a ring-admire too, but I'm getting better. Thanks for the stories, everyone. It really does help to just vent and let it get over with without having to burden her with my grouchiness.
Oh, and she told me today that one of her biggest memories from when we were little was how smart I was. Go figure. 
DSC_0962.jpg (51.9 KB, 54 downloads) 2 years old DSC_0922.jpg (58.9 KB, 50 downloads) 2 years old DSC_0606_2.jpg (83.2 KB, 51 downloads) 2 years old DSC_0488.jpg (45.3 KB, 49 downloads) 2 years old
I could relate. I have been dating my fiance for 8 years, we have 1 child and are planning another after we get married. My nephew has been dating a girl for 5 months, and are getting married 1 month after me. No plans for kids.
Why can't they wait till next year? I have family that can't travel across the country twice a year, so they are picking his wedding over mine because it is in the summer and they are going to the beach together. His mother is my MOH which makes the whole thing that much more intertwined. People now have to choose between weddings, and everything is being compared to each other. I hear "oh, I liked your shower better than hers", "Her tiarra is fancier than yours", and my MOH is offering a family heirloom bracelet for her to wear, 1 month after I will be wearing it.
Uggh, I know, very bridezilla, but I can't help it.
i can relate too! my moh got married 2 years ago and there was so much hoopla over her engagement and leading to her wedding, it was so annoying! they were only dating 2 yrs and i been with mine for over 10 years i was a little bitter that she was engaged and getting married before i was. now that i'm getting married & planning my wedding, it still bothered me on how my relatives & others were so excited about her wedding & they used to bug me about me when I will get married.. etc... BUT when it finally happens that we're getting married, no seemed to care or show any excitement. it really hit me too when i had my bridal shower, don't get me wrong it turned out really beautiful and loved it, however none of my relatives came to my shower at all!!! so i was disappointed about that. what's ironic, we were both MOHs to each others weddings and we never talk about it. yeah i don't mean to be a bridezilla either but it's bothersome when your own family doesn't show any excitement for you but they do for someone else. ah well! can't win them all... at least my FI and I know we are happy we took our time & that petty things like this will not ruin our wedding day. i guess we just have to learn to let go and be thankful. =)
I can totally relate to how you're feeling, and I think it's brave of you to be honest about it. I'm in a somewhat similar situation and tried to ask for advice about it on another wedding board and basically got yelled at over the internet by some really mean people.
I find that just telling your feelings to go away NEVER makes them go away. However, once you're honest about what's happening, then you can give yourself the space to let go.
DSC02996_-_Copy.JPG (29.3 KB, 41 downloads) 2 years old chiffonfront.jpg (23.8 KB, 40 downloads) 2 years old
This actually channels something that I have had my own guilt about.
Tell me, would you girls be bothered (by me) in this situation: My cousin has been dating the same person for 10 years, and 2 years ago they announced their engagement. During their relationship, I meet a guy, we date for 4 years and get engaged 1 year after my cousin announces their engagement.
After I got engaged, one of my first thoughts was to not infringe on their day to shine, but waiting until after their wedding to have mine meant that I had to have a 2-year engagement. (I am not into such long engagements. I believe (for my own situation) that you should get engaged when you are ready to marry--and we are ready to marry! I also think the idea of extending the wedding planning period to 2 years sounds horrendous! My FH and I also just want to move on with our own lives!)
So, I decided to have the engagement length I felt was appropriate (about 9 months--plenty of time to plan), and so I am getting married 2 months before them.
I am also closer and more verbal with my extended family than my cousin, and so planning my wedding has been more of a family affair. As far as I know there are no hard feelings between us and no one is "comparing"---but my FH and I are also not very close with this couple. Am I the bad guy?
Hi! First off CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming wedding.
I think it's a blessing in disguise because she had her wedding before yours. Why? So you can see what you would like to do better at yours to top hers... I know it sounds petty of you, but it just seems like she's been trying to be better than you all your life (even though it sounds like a lot of times, she does not mean to).
But come on! She barely knows this guys after 5 months and they're getting married?!! Now she is purposely trying to win you at something that you didn't even know you were competing!
Go to her wedding, take mental notes and have an even better wedding. Keep up updated! I would really love to hear how it all went!
![I know I'm being petty.. [long bridezillay rant] : wedding Icon Biggrin](/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_biggrin.gif){kind=icon}
It's not the same situation, but I know how it feels to want to have the spotlight for a while.
We got engaged in December, just three days before Christmas. We barely had a chance to announce our engagement before my cousin got engaged on Christmas Day! LoL And her family was in the process of planning her brother's wedding, which just took place on May 3. It was also the first time everyone in the family had the chance to meet his FI, so she was all the buzz on Christmas.
So how about that for getting burried in EVERYONE'S wedding bliss? I'm not resentful though. Our date is set in stone, and my aunt said that it will be a while before they will start planning my cousin's wedding. Regardless, we'll probably both be married by the end of next year and I couldn't be more excited! Planning a wedding and going to other weddings just gives you a chance to celebrate your happiness even more, even if the celebration takes place just between you and your FI or even just within yourself. So sit back and enjoy the ride. It only happens like this just once.
Cricket: Are you the bad guy? No way. Even though most of us here are complaning about our thunder being stolen, it is still a completely personal decison on when you plan to marry. I would like 6 months between our family weddings instead of 1. So if you were asking when to plan your wedding around someone else's, that is what I would say. But if your date is already set, then so be it! It probably also helps that you aren't that close to that extended family.
My nephew thats getting married, we grew up together practicaly as brother and sister. He is only 5 years younger than me, and his mother is my MOH. And his wedding 1 month after mine. That just makes it all too close for me! Oh yea, his brides family is super rich, therefore, super expensive and beautiful everything! bitch, bitch, bitch :)
IMG_0318.JPG (101.9 KB, 62 downloads) 2 years old You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 47 |
| Brielle | 39 |
| mypinkshoes | 32 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| rebwana | 26 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 26 |
| his chippymunk | 25 |
| Cady | 25 |
| fishbone | 25 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 15 |
| funkymunky85 | 14 |
| HappilyEverAfter54 | 10 |
| Mrsgurzakovic | 9 |
| mypinkshoes | 9 |
| SapphireSun | 8 |
| TheLionQueen | 7 |
| AshleyR83 | 7 |
| ShutterbugCait | 7 |
 Jamcnair |
6 |
I just need to rant for a minute. I know that this is petty and I should just chill out, but I just want to get this off my chest:
I've known this girl, A, since we were three. She was always prettier, smarter, better all-around than I was. More popular, better musician, the boy I liked liked her, ecetera. I always, always wanted to be her best friend, but I always felt like I was second best, or kind of a charity friend to everyone else. I might just be a paranoid little weirdo, though.
Anyway, A goes off to college 4 years ago, and I was really sad and missed her immensely.. we called each other fairly often, but it tapered off. She went to a school that is WELL known for marrying off its alumni fast, even while they're still in school. Well, the next year I go to college and within 6 weeks I have a boyfriend, now my FI. FI and I have been dating three years, and he finally proposed in February, a month after my friend started dating her boyfriend/now fiance (which she waited like, 2 weeks to call and tell me about). After my mom and my MOH, this girl was the first person I called to tell her about my engagement.
Now I'm back in our hometown for the summer to plan the wedding with my mom and MOH -- we're getting married in December in our college town, a thousand miles away. I took my little brother to some event today with my friend's little sister, and as soon as I see her, she says, "Ooh, A's gonna hate me, but she's engaged!!!" It happened Thursday. I suppose that since it happened such a short time before she knew we were both going to be back in our hometown, she might have wanted to just wait to tell me in person... but still. She knows her little sister is a loudmouth. And of course, all the little girlfriends who are at this event are all agog over A's engagement, how did it happen, what's the ring like, etc etc... they all know me just as well if not better, and none of them have seen me since my engagement. They barely said hello.
Oh, then they asked the little sister when A is getting married. Apparently in October. What the crap?? She's been dating this guy for 5 months! And I've been waiting for my wonderful FI for three years, and she gets to go first? I know I'm just being a whiny little baby, but I figure if I'm going to get any sympathy from anyone, it'll be here. I know nothing can really be done, and I just need to suck it up and be content, but it still hurts. I want her to be happy, and if this is the right guy, good luck, I know how much waiting sucks, but for once I would like to be the one in the spotlight. Not to mention with my wedding being miles away, depending on where she gets married she'll get tons of our mutual friends at her wedding and I'll get very few. And I don't even know if I can afford to go to her wedding, as I'll have to be saving for my own...
Sorry this is so long... anyone hear where I'm coming from, or do I just need to calm down?