Post # 1
But it’s just how I feel!
Very recently, two mutual friends of mine (never would have met each other except through me), became a couple.
Although I’m incredibly happy for them (and I am, I’m super excited), I can’t help but feel a bit like I’m losing two friends to each other. And these are two of my very best friends. I live with one of them.
Tonight was the first time I’ve seen one of them since it all happened and I just came away feeling so sad. Any other girl he would have been telling me all about the date etc, but because its my other friend he was super cagey and frankly a bit rude when I asked how it went.
Especially given its such a new relationship, is there any tactful way I can have a conversatikn with them both wishing them well but expressing my desire that our previous friendships are maintained outside of their relationship?
I really should be sleeping right now, but I’m genuinely upset about this.
Post # 3
This isn’t the same thing but I kind of know how you feel. I helped bring two friends together (although strictly in the platonic sense) when they were living in the same place. When one friend moved away, she wrote on her blog about missing the friend and didn’t say anything about missing me. I felt a bit stung by that.
Post # 4
@Contented_J: I would feel the same way. I don’t mix my friend groups because I don’t want any unnecessary drama. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying something like, “I hope we can still continue our friendship” but you probably shouldn’t be pressuring them for details of their relationship.
Post # 5
That’s a shitty situation. It does go to show you a person’s true colors though. It is very possible to maintain the same friendship after something like this for most people. I’d do what @MrsPanda99: suggested and see what happens. I’m sorry :/
Post # 6
I would be the person on the other side of this equation. Fiance and I met through a mutual friend; we were each good friends with her prior to meeting. I am confused as to what’s upsetting you and now I wonder if my friend went through this as well.
In an ideal world, things wouldn’t change but you have to expect they might. We are both still really close to our friend but she is no longer the #1 girl in my fiance’s life; she’s no longer the one that knows him best. If they get serious, you may want to think about what’s really bothering you and realize that a significant other has to be given her place.
I don’t think your guy friend needed to be rude, but you have to realize that given the situation, he can’t discuss her as freely. Maybe he’s trying to spare you being in the middle and drama.
Post # 7
@Ari214: thanks for sharing the other side. would you understand me more if I told you that I’d only been living him this city for a shortish time and so losing these two would mean slashing my friends-in-this-city number down by a third?
I think I will say something, I’ll try with him first. It’s that friendship that I think will change the most.
Im so tired this morning, it wasn’t just this keeping me awake, but I’ve only had about 4.5 hours sleep and need to get up and go to work and make a presentation. And hopefully not falls asleep in other people’s.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t want to feel lonely in a new city, either. What I would do is wait and see. You mentioned that they just became a couple and you asked for details and he was not forthcoming. You didn’t mention that they’ve ditched you or are doing things to make you feel left out.
The make-up of the friendship may not be what it was originally, but that doesn’t mean they’re gonna stop being your friends 🙂
Post # 9
@Contented_J: Honestly, I would feel the same way. I don’t think it’s selfish at all. I mean, you already had a good relationship with both of them and things are changing, like they are putting you aside. I would be upset too. I don’t think you’re being ”nosey”, but you want to have a conversation with your friend just like you used to. Maybe tell her that you don’t want to be the 3rd wheel here, and that you won’t go chatting to the other what he/she said. You just want to share friendship, and be happy for them, and you didn’t intend on making him uncomfortable by asking a genuine question. That being said, maybe guys are less inclined to share about dating ? I don’t know.
I hope it goes better as their relationship evolves. Be patient, and see how it goes.
Post # 10
@Contented_J: You may not like what I’m going to write-butt out. I am a girl who was hooked up by a woman who I knew pretty well and one of her good friends who is a guy. I am SO happy they are together. But my BF shared with me that she was very opinionated about the GF he had before me, and contributed to their break ups by being on his side and not the side of the relationship. This freaked me out-big time, and I wanted to throw in the towel because I didn’t want her in my business!
So my BF tried to pull away from her a bit out of respect for me, but she kept trying to ruffle feathers and now the three of us never hang out together, and my BF and I live together and plan are planning our futures together. They hang out from time to time but her opinions/nosiness ruined it. Not sure if this is you-she would also have personal problems that she wanted to discuss 1:1 with him and started to exclude me-which bothered me. I just started avoiding the bar when they were there together…and now my BF doesn’t go at all so I guess it’s not a problem.
You will get more love from them if you respect the boundries of their new relationship and stop feeling hurt and trying to control them as your friends and instead learn how to interact with BOTH of them together. Good luck.
Post # 11
@veryberry13: I am SO happy they are together. = I am SO happy she brought us together. sorry its late lol