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It doesn't sound like you're crazy. How old are you, if I may ask? I don't think it's a problem for you to leave a change of clothes or something like that at his house, I mean what if you had something spill on you or if y'all decided that you were going to a nice restaurant or a casual one and you couldn't go home? I honestly think he's not "there" yet mentally. Perhaps he is more worried about fixing the house up and after he finishes he will ask you...
Dreamer, I know what you mean, I was there. I was that girl that moved into her bf's apt with no stuff there (it makes you feel sad!) and I was that girl that had two years left but wanted that ring SO BAD. And I know that nothing I say now is going to help you feel better totally, you're still going to go to bed with that desperate wanting feeling.
It will come. He already told you his timeline, which I think makes a lot of sense. I think it's also healthy to start setting a more strict timeline as you get closer, though. I mean, my guy had no idea i'd need at least a year to plan. And try not to fight about it, but instead, put that energy elsewhere. Write down your feelings in a journal or completely throw yourself into something (mine is cooking or working out when i feel bad)
Finally... if you do keep getting frustrated, you should definitely tell him it's just because you're frustrated--you know you want to be with him for the rest of your life and it bugs you that you aren't taking that step yet. That it's hard for you and that you just need a little understanding from his side, since it seems like you're on his timeline. Good luck and best wishes!!!!
Oh, and seriously... he has a dresser, right? Take the bottom drawer for your stuff. Just put it all back before you leave :) Change of clothes, socks, spare makeup/toiletries should all fit!
I'm 21 and he's 25. We want kids by the time he's 30... which is another reason I'm in such a rush. He talks about marrying me all the time and doesn't get freaked out when I bring it up either... he just really thinks we should wait until I have that dang piece of paper.
As for the change of clothes... I don't know why it's a problem. But his mother thinks it is. His sister stays at her boyfriend, now fiance's, house all the time and she is constantly talking about how she didn't raise her that way. Even though their father has said that she stayed at his parents house all the time when they were dating.
He just doesn't want to fight with her over it... but I'm about to the point where I don't care. His mom is so controlling and he needs to stand up to her. I know it's something we'll have to deal with all of our lives, but I think it would be much easier if I didn't have to watch what I say around her all the time.
((HUGS)) Did you let him know you'd like a longer engagement and that it's okay to get engaged now because you wouldn't get married for a few months after you are done with school?
@LaborofLove: Thanks so much! I feel better just knowing someone understands. And I have told him I want at least a year to plan. I'm hoping that when he sees how much work his sister is going to have to do in the next few months he'll understand that the more time the better... but her venue will arrange a lot of things for her.
He just doesn't understand when I get upset and jealous, so I'm trying not to talk about it. But that just makes it worse. I'm going to make an effort to talk to him about it before I get so mad I want to scream though. Hopefully that will help.
And he actually doesn't have a dresser. Haha... just a closet. I got him to agree to let me keep a small makeup bag in the bathroom though.
@crebre: I've told him I want as long an engagement as he's willing to give me... and that my absolute minimum is a year. But he's the kind of guy who'll give me a year and a month and think he's given me bonus time. :)
I love him... but the man is frustrating! Haha
hah sounds like my bf. I'm 22 and he's 26 I'm in my final year of college should graduate by December *eek, but he too wants to wait for me to graduate before he asks, which completely annoys me. I have learned to live with it and just spend my time studying, doing my own thing, and day dreaming. I don't want him to feel pressured nor do I want to cause a fight about something that should be special. When it happens it happens. With your belongings, just take some of your stuff and put it somewhere. If you have been with him for two years, then you should feel comfortable with that and just like someone else said take your thngs ha
youre not crazy, youre just ready for your life with your DB to start NOW and your facing a 2yr delay for school (smart smart choice btw) and then not even having a draw to keep your stuff in would be as frustrating as heck for me
in the meantime, how do you feel about a promise ring? ive heard other ladies talk about them and maybe this is something you guys will consider without the pressure or stress of planning a marriage
hmmm. Got a spare dresser? Just kidding.
I know what you mean. After a while, I just felt like it was something I couldn't talk about anymore, no matter how open he was about wanting to marry me. I kept a journal and man did I write like crazy. If I was somewhere without it, I'd text myself my frustrations or email them to get them out. It was fun to destroy it the day we got engaged...
And if you have to hide your change of clothes, here's my solution: where he has his shirts hung, take one he uses very very little, hang yours underneath on the hanger then hang his directly over it. Pants? fold those in half under another of his shirts. Put them at the back of the closet. Problem solved.
youre not being ridiculous... waiting that long must feel like forever. but you have a timeline and hopefully he will get into gear soon because planning is not easy!!
Thanks everyone! It's nice to have people who understand. My roomates (my only female friends) are all hardcore nursing students... so they're married to class, which is fine for them... but not so much for me. Business school leaves a little more time for a social life.
@LaborofLove: I think I'm going to go buy myself a journal tomorrow. I've tried to keep them before and I always lose them... but I think having one with a purpose will help. And I can write down what I want to explain to DB, because I'm awful at communicating my feelings. And I may try your strategies for stashing clothes! Thanks for the suggestions! :)
You're welcome. I'm like the queen of halfway living with someone... I am still doing it! JUST EIGHT AND A HALF MORE MONTHS!
@dreamer: lol!!! i honestly wanted a really short engagement (6 months or less) but then i loved the idea of celebrating nye on my honeymoon, so that trumped everything else lol!!
Aww, good luck! I hope you're dealing with it better than I am. I'm constantly making him bring me back to my apartment to get things or stealing his clothes. (Even though he says it drives him crazy... I think he secretly likes that last part.)
@crebre: I like the idea of a short engagement... but I could never do it! I'm way too particular... and I love crafting so I have a lot of DIY plans that I want plenty of time to reconsider when I realize I'm not as crafty as I think. :)
Add to that school and a job... and I want as much time as I can get.
You're not being rediculous at all!! I totally feel you on the waiting part. Hang in there girlie. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
LOL Dreamer we finally moved into the same apartment complex. In fact, we were supposed to live literally five feet from each other's front doors, but management screwed up. But we're making do..
on cold nights it's better to have a snuggle buddy than to not have anyone around at all... even if being by myself means no blanket hogging from him. So I understand!!! You seem to be pretty chipper about it, I do recommend the journal very much. I got rid of mine after about two or three weeks of being engaged... and I just kind of laughed at how much drama i put myself through. Regardless of whether there's a ring or not, you're going to be spending the rest of your life with him, so just remember that!!!
How old is his sister? If she's older than you, that could be why her timeline is different.
His plan for you guys is smart, by the way. Just because you think it is a waste to finish your degree because you'll be staying home anyway, it's not. I was in the same place as you two years ago, and I didn't finish my degree for the same reasons. Well guess what? I decided about 6 months ago that I really wanted to become a children's librarian (a totally great job to have with kids, btw) and now I have to get into grad school. I had to go back and finish my undergrad 2 years later. I'm kicking myself for dropping out and slacking off, don't do the same thing!
His sister is 23. And she's the one who'll probably give up school for marriage. I'm still going to finish my undergrad work... married or not. I think it's a waste of time to wait on marriage, since we'll be relying on his income anyway. I have money put away for school, so he wouldn't have to pay for that.
I'm just tired of feeling like a nomad.
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but I am so totally jealous of my boyfriend's sister. I've been with my guy for two years, and known him for almost as long as I can remember. His sister has been with her boyfriend for MAYBE a year and they're engaged, they've already booked a venue for September! She has the exact ring I wanted and her venue would have been perfect for me.
But it's not even the wedding details that I'm jealous of (Not totally anyway)... it's the fact that her boyfriend actually took that step and proposed. Mine keeps saying he wants to wait until I'm done with school. And I thought I could handle that (It'll be roughly two more years) but I am really not doing well. I understand his reasons... but our plan is for me to stay home when we have kids (which will be within the next four years) anyway, so it seems like a waste to wait.
The other issue is just the way I was raised. He lives about ten-fifteen miles away, which is not far at all but to save on gas I stay at his house a lot, he picks me up on his way home from work and drops me off on his way to work the next morning. And I'm ok with that, when it's just he and I and we're together. But I find myself not wanting to tell anyone about it because I'm so embarassed. He totally doesn't understand that feeling... or the fact that I HATE not having any of my stuff there if I get bored or want to change clothes, fix my makeup, etc. And I can't leave much stuff there, because his mom owns the house and doesn't know I stay there. (It's a construction project he's working on in leiu of paying rent... long story)
And this is getting ridiculously long... but I needed to vent and the boy just doesn't understand. I'm tired of fighting with him. Am I the crazy one?