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Just to add: I'm also worried that they will go on their honeymoon and not get back in time for the wedding. I would be really sad if they didn't come.
Just because your wedding isn't expensive doesn't mean it's not fun or enjoyable! We're having a very low key wedding to keep down costs, and frankly I'm super excited about seeing everyone's reactions to the warm, cozy soups I'm going to pick out (we're doing soup and sandwiches for a winter dinner reception, unless I change my mind AGAIN, haha) ~ and I'm loving the inexpensive touches I'll be DIYing to make our day special, even if we can't afford any flowers. :)
People are there for YOU, not some meal they can't even pronounce the name of, or centerpieces that have two dozen roses (that'll die next week), or the open bar. Okay, maybe a few are there for the open bar ;) hehe
Just think of it as your wedding being completely different from hers, rather than a who-can-top-who contest. Different feel, different atmosphere, different party. Both can be fun!
ETA: Welcome to the Hive!
Personally - I have more fun at the small, personally low-key weddings than the big lavish ones - mainly because the bride and groom have more fun - they aren't spending their time talking to their uncles distant cousin and colleague - instead they are on the dance floor partying it up with me and all their closest friends!
It might be "fancier" but it might not be as fun as yours =]. Fancy doesn't automatically equate to a good time, so i'm with your FI on this one. Sometimes fancy can be nice, but it can also be stuffy for younger people =]. I know when I get real drssed up, I worry about getting somethign on me =]
daydreamwanderer made some really good points. I went to a wedding this past summer that was in a not-so-pretty room, had centerpieces from 1985....and nobody cared. No one! Everyone was having such a good time that it barely hit anyone's rader.
The people who are coming to your wedding are (ideally) people who love you and want to celebrate a special event in your life with you. They aren't going to care if your centerpieces aren't as large as the wedding before yours. And if they do, they would be the type of people who would be judgmental about the wedding whether the one before it was lavish or not.
My brother's wedding was two months before mine, in a Carribean location, with a wedding planner, expensive flowers and dress, specially tailored linens, etc. We had a great time, and the thought did cross my mind more than once that our wedding was obviously less expensive than theirs and maybe would look shabby. My husband assured me that wasn't the case, and he was right. Have fun planning your wedding, make it personal and special to you, and guaranteed everyone will have a blast. Trust your FI on this one.
My fiance and I got engaged at the beginning of the summer and then went to seven weddings, spread out all over the place - Portland, OR, NYC, DC, Pittsburgh, and Connecticut, to name a few. Because we were engaged, we were suddenly paying better attention to what people's weddings were like, and we would do little recaps after each one - this worked, that didn't. After all of the weddings, we realized that the ONE THING that really made a difference in whether we enjoyed a wedding or not was how engaged the couple was with their guests. At one wedding, the couple never even made it to our table to say "hello", and didn't even attend their own after-party. Basically, we went all the way there to be faces in the crowd. Whereas at one of our favorite weddings, we spoke to the couple (both together and separately) numerous times throughout the evening, and they seemed genuinely THRILLED that so many people had come for their special day.
When all is said and done, it's way more important that you take the time to talk to your guests vs spending $100/head on dinner or upgrading to the fancy chairs.
Your friends won't compare them! They're your friends and they like you :) People understand that everybody's taste and budgets are different, and they'll have plenty of fun at yours, too!
The good news is, it sounds like your weddings will be different enough that people won't really make direct comparisons. The most judge-y I've ever heard people be is about expensive weddings... like why did they pay that skywriter/diver combo to circle the ceremony and drop in the wedding ring, but not for a premium bar?
I know it's hard to resist worrying, but don't worry about it if you can help it. Nothing you can do, and people likely won't be comparing the two weddings. Just make sure it's a personal and heartfelt occasion and there will be nothing to negatively judge.
First of all I think it sucks that they chose a date before yours, we had friends get engaged after us and politely chose a weekend 2 weeks after to be nice. That way we will def be back from our honeymoon, etc.
Second, I know you may have a tough time believing this, but I have waaay more fun at weddings that are more intimate and I get a good vibe from the bride and groom. I went to a big lavish wedding where the groom was completely MIA the whole time smoking cigarettes and doing shots with his friends. The DJ had to call him in for the garter toss, it took like 10 minutes to find him. I was thinking "what a waste of money!" That's not the only time that happened. And I've been to low budget weddings where the bride and groom were just sooo happy and sooo in love and took the time to come over to me and thank me for coming, etc. and I had so much fun and only have good memories. Your wedding is what you make it, not how much you spend!
I can totally understand your frustration, I've had worrymares about this happening to one of my FH's friends, who is about to get engaged, thinking they might choose a date right before or after ours and I dont want people to compare...Ultimately, it won't matter tho, as long as the atmosphere is fun and you guys are gracious hosts...I understand your feelings but if you can, try not to think about it or worry!
A lot of my friends also got engaged this year (after me) and my wedding is last, but I didn't let it bother me because we are all having different types of weddings. Though they might me spending more money than we are, I think mine will be more intimate and more about little DIY details that I'm doing! Just add your special touches and make it fun!!
Don't worry. Just do what makes you happy. I have been to great weddings on both ends of the budget spectrum and thought they were amazing. Honestly it is the creative/unique ideas that catch my eye and I remember the most not how lavish it is. Make it personal and unique. You can get so many ideas on WB on how to find/make/do what you love in a cost effective way!
Yep dont' worry about it. Your wedding will be unique to the two of you. Also if they can't make it oh well hopefully they can attend a shower or something else. We have 2 couples getting married after us. One is 3 days later and the other the following weekend. We are going on our honeymoon and missing their weddings. I don't feel bad because we had our date picked first. I also don't expect them to come to ours because they'll be busy getting ready for theirs. And that's okay too.
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My wedding date has been planned for awhile. Friends of mine got engaged after we had picked our date and recently decided to have their wedding right before ours. We are going to have many crossover guests between the two weddings. I'm starting to get worried about how our weddings will be compared! Our wedding will be much less fancy, much more low key, and I'm concerned about it looking 'cheap' to the crossover guests. Their wedding is guaranteed to be very lavish and very expensive. My FI keeps telling me not to worry and that all our friends will care about is having fun, but so far I've noticed that most people are very judgy about weddings.
If only all people could be as accepting as the hive! Any suggestions as to how to let this go? I feel ridiculous but I can't stop the stress.