Post # 1
My mother and I get along but are not particularly close. She very obviously favors my brother over myself (the oldest) and my sister (the youngest). She denies it, but he has always needed more help and more attention than either of us girls have. We don’t really get butthurt about it, it’s just a fact and we are just aware of it.
Anyway, in an attempt to help foster a better relationship between my mother and I, I had asked her if she would come with me to my very first ultrasound today. It was at 1:15pm. DH has to work, so I didn’t want to be alone, and I thought she would really appreciate being included.
I sent her a text as I left work to head to my appointment, around 12:50.
I got this message back at 1:14: “So sorry baby, I slept in like a fat rat!”
Seriously- What the actual [email protected]! It’s after lunch time! GAH!
Also, she would never, ever, under any circumstances, “sleep through” anything really important for my brother.
I really truly and honestly think she forgot about my appointment. I think she just plain frickin forgot about me.
Wah wah, crying a river (not really) but sweet shit that stings a bit.
Maybe I am over reacting? I am a little hormonal :/
Post # 3
Whaat?! I would be absolutely livid.
Just to clarify, you had previously agreed that she would come, right? You didn’t like text her at 12:50 saying, “Hey, want to come to this thing right now?”
If you had previously agreed, I would give her such a blistering set-down her ass would be burnin for weeks. Lol, but that’s just me.
Post # 4
@howsweetitis: No, I asked her about 2 weeks ago and we talked about it again on Tuesday. Yep. Two days ago. I get that things come up, shit happens, and life gets in the way, but HOW DO YOU FORGET ABOUT SEEING YOUR UNBORN GRANDCHILD.
Post # 5
Sorry, that really stinks. 🙁
Like a PP asked, you’d asked her previously and not right at 12:50? I’d be friggin hurt.
Post # 6
@DaneLady: I am so very sorry hun! As someone who has a rather toxic relationship with her mother I can relate. I applaud you for taking the emotional leap to reach out and include her and get your hopes up. It is hard to write people off entirely especially when they are family and most certainly when they are parents.
I have to say that if it were it me and something that important I would have remembered, would have been awake and would have been present. Sometimes people don’t know what is really important when they let their personal issues get in the way.
Again I am sorry and I hope that you can find a way to not take it personally. It is her baggage, not yours.
Post # 7
@DaneLady: i would be pissed too. i’d probably tell her what i thought about her. some mom…
Post # 8
@DaneLady: See, I’m an only child and can’t get AWAYYY from my mom!! But if she ever did anything like that to me, I’d go bat shit crazy!!
HELL no!! Are you going to tell her she’s an asshole for ditching you???? WHO SLEEPS TIL 1:15 PM!??!?!
Post # 9
I’m really sorry. That is crappy and hurtful and she owes you a real apology.
Maybe though, in her head, she thinks your brother can’t function without her support but she thinks of you as grown-up and independent and not needing her. (Not an excuse for her terrible behavior, just trying to think up what might motivate it)
Post # 10
@mrs_pudding_pop: She agreed to come with me 2 weeks ago, and we talked about it again two DAYS ago, on Tuesday at lunch.
@Treejewel19: I’m not terribly upset, like I said my gut is telling me she just forgot. I had a sneaking suspicion she wouldn’t be there, so I didn’t really get all excited about it. It does sting, I’m not going to say it didn’t, but I am definitely not going to boohoo over a pint of Bluebell.
Post # 11
@KitKatNYC: No, you’re spot on. He is a recovering addict and he really does need a lot more support- emotionally, mentally, and financially. I am extremely independent, to a fault. My mom has said before that she doesn’t even think I need her, so in my own way I was reaching out to include her, to give her an opportunity to be present in a motherly role for me.
Post # 12
I didn’t respond to her message at all, I kinda don’t even know what to say. She is very sensitive and I’m very… well not. I’m sarcastic and sharp-tongued. I always try to edit what I say to her so I don’t upset her.
Post # 13
I would flat out tell her. “Mom, I am really disappointed that you broke your commitment to me and didn’t come to my appointment. You make me feel like I am not a priority in your life.”
If she says something that makes her sound open to suggestions, you can say “Could you let me know in advance the next time you can’t make it to something so important?”
However, she may not react taht well, but at least you made an effort.
Post # 14
I feel you!!! I would be very upset. My mother is always “helping” or going above and beyond with my sister(22 yrs old) who can’t get her life together. Yes, I’ve never needed anyone to bail me out because I’m the oldest and have always bailed myself out of anything but it does sting when you need your mom there and they just don’t out the effort in. totally understand you. I’ve come to realize I’m not her #1 priorty and I don’t let it hurt me like it use to. It stings to say this but you can’t force anything as much as you really want it.
I would talk to her about it. How some things might not be as big of deal to her but they are very important to you
Post # 15
@DaneLady: 🙁 So sorry that happened to you. Maybe she just really didn’t get how important that was to you? There’s no excuse for what she did, but maybe tell her how you feel and that you’d like a closer relationship with her.
Post # 16
@Sunfire: See, she is always complaining to me that she doesn’t feel like I need her. So, I ask her to be there for me for something and she flakes out. I honestly don’t even know what to say. I’m not as upset as I would be if I really needed her there, but I mostly wanted her to FEEL needed. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck to realize you aren’t as important to your mom as she has led you to believe though.