Post # 1
my FI and I have been dating for about 2 years. I’m 20 and in college and he’s 23 and just joined the Navy. Before I met him I never thought I’d get married, but about 6 months into our relationship we began talking about it. Originally I told my parents that we wouldn’t be getting married until I graduated- but then he joined the Navy. I decided that already worried about what I was doing with my degree, now would be a good time to get married, and take a year off, so we told my parents after he went to boot camp that we would be getting married in approx. 8 months and I would continue going to school until that semester break.
However soon into his training his chief informed him that getting married before his orders were issued would give us a better chance at being able to be together next year, otherwise he might get stationed somewhere overseas where it would be impossible for me to follow financially. Now my mother has never particularly liked my FI, she openly promotes making fun of him, often says he’s lying to me, and talks frequently about how his parents did a horrible job raising him.
My Fi is a good person, he’s polite, sweet and cordial. His parents are friendly and good. Even though I’ve been 18 since we’ve been together I’ve always told my mother where we are going, and been home by 11 or 11:30 per her instructions.
So i told my mom what his chief said and she freaked out, telling me she didn’t believe that it could make a difference. When I continued to tell her it would and that it wouldn’t change me continuing at school as planned she still didn’t calm down. I let it go for a while and then asked her later if we could talk about it. She told me no, that she was done with my FI. She said if i got a new boyfriend we could talk, but unless that happened she was done. Now she tells me to shut up if i even say his name, and while she talks to me sometimes, others she openly ignores me. There have been times where my mom has been very childish, but this is my marriage…
Post # 3
I’m sorry 🙁 I don’t really see how this is your fault though. If he treats you well, and if this is what you want, then she needs to be at least open to talk with you about why she’s so upset.
“I don’t like him,” isn’t a good enough excuse, IMO.
Post # 4
i don’t understand why she doesn’t like him? has she ever given you a specific reason why? (besides she ‘thinks’ he is lying to you)
does she like everyone else or is she one of those people who just don’t like others for no reason? i would ask for specifics. if she can’t give you one, then this is her own problem.
Post # 5
Parents forget that these are your decisions to make. Your young yes but part of being an adult is learning that you can’t make everyone happy. So do what you want and stop trying to talk to her about it. Her feelings are clear and she may be thinking this is a way to control what you do. She may be thinking you won’t get married without her approval.
Post # 6
I do see her concerns about school – since you will be putting that on hold to follow him. But, this is your life & your decision. I imagine that she will come around after the marriage, and once she sees that it is final.
Best of luck to you!!
Post # 7
It definatly is NOT your fault. I know exactly what you are going through as my parents have done the same to me. I choose to follow my heart though and haven’t talked to them in over a year as they treated my fiancee like crap and I was tired of it. Don’t let them push you around.
Post # 8
Absolutely not your fault. If your mother genuinely has no reason to dislike your FI, you aren’t doing anything wrong by living your life. Your mother sounds like she’s throwing a temper tantrum about the whole thing, which is just terrible and I’m sorry you’re going through this. If YOU are happy, and YOU love him, that is all that matters.
Post # 9
I don’t see how you can be at fault for being in love. If your mom doesn’t have a valid reason for not liking your FI then she’s going to have to either deal with your decision or she will be cutting herself out of your life on her own. I understand her concern with you putting school on hold b/c once you stop going it’s harder to go back but I think that all that really matters there is that you follow through and continue after your break.
Post # 11
@Missus_LLC: Aww thanks! No one ever agrees with me
Post # 12
I don’t get it…you can be a child and follow what mommy says or you can be an adult….your mom sounds mental…..
Your mother is treating you like you’re 15, it’s downright strange.
Post # 13
OP, I don’t see how or why you think this is your fault…what makes you feel this way? A lot of times, I think that when loved ones hate a SO or FI, there’s some sort of semi-decent reason behind it. But unless I’m missing something, it doesn’t seem to be the case this time. Try talking to your mom about the SPECIFICS on why she doesn’t like FI.
Don’t rush to get married before you are truly ready, but if you are and it makes sense to do it now, and you don’t think your mom will ever approve, then go for it with or without her blessing.
Post # 14
I also fail to see what about this is your fault. It kind of sounds like it’s not that she doesn’t like him, but that she doesn’t want to let you go. Of course it doesn’t sound like shed ever admit that. Either way, this is your and your finances decision, and unfortunately for her she doesn’t really get to have a say.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the support. It really means a lot. I guess the part of it that is my fault would be the fact that i changed the date so many times. Honestly my mom doesn’t seem very happy in her own relationship and often tells me that the words “i love you” are worthless. She says she doesn’t like him because i spend all of my time with him now instead of her. To a certain degree this is true, my FI is my closest friend and time with him has always been a little scarce because when I was in school i could only see him on weekends, around his work schedule. I’ve also offered many times to spend time with her, but as she is only willing to do things i find unenjoyable its hard.
Its nice to see that my reasoning isn’t completely abnormal. I’m going to marry him, I can’t wait to marry him. It would be nice if she would be there, but I can’t live my life for my mom- I know i’d end up regretting it.
Post # 16
Sounds like your mom is jealous of your relationship with your FI. It’s not your fault that she can’t find happiness in her relationships (my mom also does this)