Weddingbee boards

My hubby and I have been married for quite a few months now. But there is one little pre-wedding war disagreement that we haven't gotten past yet.

Here is the situation: hubby and I never lived together before getting married. I had lived away for school then graduated and moved back to my parents house a few months before the wedding. He lived in the same city but about 25 min drive away.

His family was almost all from away and would be travelling from another continent to come to the wedding. Because they are so far he only gets to see them once a year or so. The problem was where we would live immediately after the wedding and where his family would stay during the wedding. There was his Mom & Dad and 4 sisters that we needed to host. He wanted them all to stay together somewhere and a hotel would have been too much for that many people for the length of time – about 3-4 weeks for some family members. He had a 3 bedroom apt and his roommate was moving out before the wedding. So dear hubby wanted to extend his lease for the month of the wedding so his family could stay there. Our wedding was right at the beginning of the month so we’d have to keep the place for the whole month. This meant we couldn’t get our own place starting the first of that month as it would have resulted in double rent for a month. 

I was adamant that we could find a way to work it out so we could still get our new place. My family offered lots of homes for his family to stay with good friends, we looked into weekly lodging but nothing was working out and hubby wouldn’t budge on everyone staying together. His place was large and he thought it’d be perfect. He wanted us all to stay there after the wedding as his family was visiting for a while. I did not like his old place AT ALL and dreaded the thought of living there. I really felt it would be difficult since it was his place and his family had visited before and were comfortable there so really I would be the odd one out. I really didn’t want us to start our married life with me feeling out of place and not knowing where stuff was or just being comfortable. He kept saying he never saw his family and wanted to stay with them.

So one night we were having this fight discussion again and he says well you can just stay at your parents after the wedding since you don’t want to stay at my place. Say what??? I totally blew up at that and couldn’t believe that his solution to this problem was to leave me at home with my parents after the wedding so he could stay with his family that he “never got to see”. Nevermind the fact that he didn’t consider that really we both needed to spend time with them so I could get to know them better. 

Needless to say I felt very loved at that moment. I really was shocked that he could even think of something like that for right after we became husband and wife. To live separately in the same city.

To make a long story short (after endless hours and lots of tears from me) we did eventually host his family with us in his old place. It wasn’t ideal for me but at least we were together which was what mattered. At least to me. To this day he maintains that his idea was perfectly reasonable and that I completely overacted and was irrational. So I say to all of you, what do you think?? Do you think it was a perfectly fine suggestion and I overacted?? Honestly just writing this out was therapeutic! I promise I’ll let it go soon lol  

@Mermaid1082: So true. Am working on it :) Just surprised I guess that he never understood why it hurt me.

@MrsSl82be: funny that you mention the culture element b/c that seems to be a factor.

Wow. Thnx for all the feedback. I guess there are a few things to clarify.

In posting this I was not saying that I am crying over it or am still mad. We were just talking and the topic of things we have done in the past that we'd change came up. I said I would want us to have worked together to resolve this issue during our wedding planning - it was our first big disagreement and we really took sides instead of working together. He said he agreed, but he still would have made the same suggestion. He didn't see the problem with it. So I said let's survey some people! And I turned to the hive. I showed him all the responses and he thought it was funny how much support he got!

We did stay in a hotel for several nights and went to a nature resort for a quick minimoon before returning to his place. So in the end the amount of time we spent there was not much. 

It wasn't that I didn't want to stay with his family. I just wanted us to do it in our new place but where we moved the following month was a 2 bedroom as opposed to the 3 he had. So we needed the space. A big factor was that his place was a mess. I kept trying to clean it for him and his roommate but they couldn't maintain it. Before the wedding was crazy busy, I had one final assignment, we were both working and he didn't want to hire help to get it ready. It was hard for me to have to host his family there but we did. We had fun and luckily the time went by quickly!

Maybe for it to come up I was still affected, but there was a lot of emotion tied in with us already having been long distance and me so looking forward to just being settled together. The suggestion seemed harsh. But the poll was fun and its good to know that there are opinions on both sides. I think I may have gotten some closure :)