I know this is selfish…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

Yeah, it’s probably selfish, but I’d be feeling frustrated too if I was in your shoes. 

Post # 4
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Although you’re right that you don’t have a year, that does sound obnoxious and inconsiderate. That would upset me too, but at least you’ll have a gorgeous wedding day you’ve been preparing for and a fantastic SO.

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  she prob just cant afford a real wedding but wants to be married. I totally hear you about it being a pain to be financially helping her with your wedding and that her timing is soo close to your wedding. It is silly that should couldnt at least pick another season or just wait 1 month after your wedding, but who knows.. she may have her own reasons for picking the season/timing. 

 

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I’d be glad to let her elope. Easy peasy.

Post # 8
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  yeah that would totally bother me too! Sorry you have to deal with that… family can be such a bummer sometime. 

Post # 9
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Meh, my younger sister was married 3 times and had 3 kids before I was married once.  Now she’s divorced 3 times.  Different people follow different paths.

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MsGinkgo:  They likely don’t have money- which is which is why they want to run away to get married.  People who don’t have money are entitled to be married, too.

I do understand your frustration.  

BUT- everyone has the right to prioritize what’s important to them in terms of money.  Naturally, YOUR wedding is important to YOU.  And while I am sure your sister thinks your wedding is important to her, too– try to put things into persepctive.

 

I know this might sound selfish, but if I wanted to get married- and I had enough money for a flight to Vegas to get married (which, BTW, airfare to Vegas is generally really inexpensive)– I’d likely make the costs associated with MY wedding a priority over my sister- if I could only chose one.  I know that your wedding may have been put on the schedule first.  But either way, that doesn’t mean your sister is required to spend her money to attend your wedding.  If I could only have money for A or B, the smple fact that my sister is getting married does not mean I have money to spend on it.  My sister got married out of town- and while it was close enough to drive, it still required a 2 night hotel stay.  My mom paid for it.  At the time, it’s not like I was straight broke, but I didn’t have the extra money to spend on a hotel room- so my mom pitched in and paid for me, her choice.

 

It doesn’t mean I literally was broke- it just meant that I didn’t have THAT much expendable income to stay in a hotel room because she chose to get married at a non-local venue.

 

So while I completely understand that in your view, it seems like she is being inconsiderate, we always have to remembe that OUR wedding isn’t the most important thing to EVERYONE ELSE.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MsGinkgo:  also, do you REALLY think they will spend $5000?  and if they do, how do you know that her FI’s parents aren’t paying for it, or that your parents aren’t paying for it as a wedding gift?

Post # 12
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

How did it come that you are paying her expenses for your wedding?

Post # 13
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Honestly? I would spend money getting eloped above spending money flying to sibling’s wedding. My wedding is more important.

Post # 14
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think most of the people are missing out on what you’re frustrated about. I agree, it’s frustrating that she is going to spend money on a vacation to elope when you’re covering the costs for her to be in her wedding – where is the money for this vegas vacation coming from now? It’s one thing if she said she was going to go to city hall and get married bc she just couldn’t wait and she couldn’t afford a huge wedding, but that’s not what she’s doing – she’s planning a vacation just before your wedding when she says she can’t afford the costs of being in your wedding. I totally get that and I would be all like wtf, too. AND, seriously, she can’t wait until after your wedding? I know we don’t get a whole year to ourselves or whatever, but your own sister can’t wait just a few weeks or something? I mean, cmon!

Well, there’s really nothing you can do and the “right” thing to do is to just be supportive and happy for her. If this is what she wants and makes her happy then good for her. At least it’s not going to effect your wedding in any way.

Post # 15
Member
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d be pissed too! My cousin was thinking of getting married before me (2 months) & I was pissed. She ended up getting married in November. 

Post # 16
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

For those bridesmaid costs you are covering for her, remember that those costs are actually for your wedding.

 

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