Post # 1
The FH and I have rather large families and quite a few long-time friends and a guest list of only 150.
That being said, I do want to invite a few of my friends from work for a total of 8. I have very limited spaces left, as I am also inviting the gals from my singing ensemble.
I do not have a relationship with the SOs of any of these gals that I intend to invite. So, I casually mentioned that I have very limited space and I am not giving +1s to my co-workers. Is this tacky?
The co-workers are all friends and I plan on putting them at one table so they can mingle amongst themselves.
When I mentioned this, one of them told me that I might as well not invite her because her SO would be mad. This is 5 months in advance notice! Two others said that their SOs might be a little upset, but they would get over it. What’s up with that?! I don’t even really know their SOs!!
Also, that’s 8 extra people (if I don’t give my singing gals a +1)! With my singing gals it’s 14 extra people!!
What should I do? And how do I say it’s only for you? I have “BLANK amount of seats reserved in your honor” on our RSVPs with “BLANK out of BLANK guests will be attending”.
Do you think that the other gals will find it offending if they receive invites only for them?
This is getting ridiculous! LOL
Post # 3
If your allowing your other friends and family to have a plus one for spouses, I feel like it’s only right that everyone be able to have that. I would be offended if other people got to bring their husband but I didn’t.
Post # 4
Ugh, I don’t understand this either. Why can’t they all just come together as a group?? Why do they have to make such a big deal about it?? I know people say it is etiquette, but why would you want to go to a wedding that you don’t know the person getting married? Well, I guess that happens a lot, you typically know one side of a couple to invite them. I guess try to see it in reverse, which is what I have tried to do cuz we aren’t married yet. Once you are married, you are one half of a unit, right?
I would go ahead and just invite them without guests since you already told them and if they don’t come…that’s their choice.
Post # 5
@artbee:I can understand that if I was allowing other colleagues to bring their SOs, but I am not. I only am inviting people that we have relationships with, and I kind of feel like I don’t even know their SOs. There are several friends that I have that I am not giving plus ones to if they do not have a significant other.
I think what it boils down to is just a different point of view. I would not be offended if a coworker invited me and only me to her wedding. I wouldn’t expect her to invite my FI just because I have one. She wouldn’t know him and would have no reason to want him there.
Really, I just can’t afford it. And it it comes down to that, maybe I won’t invite any of them.
Post # 6
That’s kind of how I feel about it. I don’t need my FI by my side every second of the day or every event I attend. But some people do.
The thing is, she knows I am on a budget. If I allow her to bring hers, then I need to extend it to all 8 of them. And to my singing ensemble. For a total of 14 extra people at $25 apiece.
I have good friends I am not extending +1s to because I know it’s just a reason to bring a date- some random person I have no reason to have at my wedding.
See, I live in a very small community, so practically all of my guests are friends. They won’t be lonely. LOL
Post # 7
You have to make one rule for everyone and stick to it. Ours is if you are living together, engaged or married you have a plus one if not tuff shit. You just have to be consistant. I know its hard with the cost of everything people dont get it they just think its only one more but its really one more for everyone… So thats where it gets hard. I would just talk to them and hope they are respectful and understanding enough to get it.
Post # 8
My friend’s mom recently attended a wedding of a coworker where she did not receive a +1. She went with the other ladies from the office and had a great time. I think it just depends on the person, which is unfortunate. Some people couldn’t care less, others get very offended. It’ll be up to you to decide if these ladies are comfortable enough to attend without their SOs, and if you don’t give them a +1, are you okay with them not attending? Will that make things awkward at work?
Post # 9
Irs fine not to give the coworker a +1. Especially if you dont know their SO’s and since they will know eachother. Poeple can live without their SO’s for an evening. I would rather be invited alone to a coworkers wedding than not invited at all
Post # 10
I agree with the living together, married, etc.
I don’t want to offend my coworker and make things awkward, so being consistent seems like the thing to do.
Post # 11
The etiquettely correct thing to do is to invite all married, engaged (possibly living together) couples together.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t know them, they still must be invited together.
Post # 12
@organizedbride11: When we realized we would need to cut some numbers, this was the first thing we did; made this kind of rule. If you are engaged, living together, or have been together for a long time (over a year at the minimum) then you get a plus 1. If you are casually dating you don’t.
I personally don’t want to limit plus 1’s at all for my wedding, I just hate enforcing any kind of ‘you can’t’ rule. I am hoping that we can figure out some other cuts so we don’t have to do this (like some old co-workers of FI’s that he hasn’t seen in years).
Post # 13
If you don’t know their SO’s, why would you invite them? Do not pay for strangers to attend your wedding.
They should be able to cut the cord for one night to see their friend get married. They can attend as a group, so “not knowing anyone” isn’t a valid excuse either.
And IMHO, if they really wanted to be there for you they wouldn’t try to guilt trip you into inviting people you don’t even know and can’t afford to host.
Post # 14
I think I am going to use that “Etiquettely correct” rule about the married, engaged, etc.
This will help and anyone that doesn’t like it can just not come.
Post # 15
@ futuremrsrshc- that’s how I felt! But apparently, that’s too blunt and I guess I am going to have to bend a little….