(Closed) I know weddings are religious..BUT,

posted 7 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

My FI and I are atheists and my mom was really pushing for a church wedding. Sorry, that ain’t happening.

Just try to be firm with them. Have your uncle do the poem but not the bible verse. It’s your wedding, not theirs.

Post # 4
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

:Raises hand sheepishly:  My fiance and I are not religious either but his step mother is and I am really tired of the dirty looks.  I made the mistake once of bringing up that neither of us are really religious and are more agnostic and you would have thought that I stabbed her.  I have had the not in a church fight, not by a minister fight, not having god mentioned in our ceremony fight, you name it, it has come up either with her or my grandmother.  At this point I just don’t say anything or say we haven’t decided.  I wish I was bold enough to say we aren’t doing this and this is what we are doing but I am too nice.  Ultimately, do what you are comfortable with.

Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

I was raised catholic however after high school my parents told me I could make my own decision. I don’t believe in god but consider myself very spiritual and if I had ties to one religion it would be Buddhism. I practice Buddhism and my mother still thinks it is weird and that she “can’t believe her baby doesn’t believe in god!” My SO has a strict Baptist family and although he will go to church sometimes, he does not have a problem with my views nor I with him. I told him I wanted to write our own ceremony and luckily he agrees with a lot of my views that I get from Buddhism and has agreed that it is not a problem for him. However, I am terrified that once we are engaged his family will throw a fit. We will not be getting married in a church nor have any mention of god. There will be drinking and dancing, which was not allowed at his brothers wedding a few years ago. 

 

I guess my point is that it is your day! You two have decided to honor your mother by having the Episcopal ceremony and that is wonderful but it is not you so if you do not want something read from the bible then I say sit down with her and explain that. She may be upset now but I feel like once the wedding day is here and she sees the ceremony and how happy you two are she will be happy for you. It is your day!

 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My fiance and I are not very religious and my grandmother and his entire family are very religious.  They all would like for us to get married in a church (especially my g-ma) but we just decided that this is OUR wedding and we wanted it outside.  Luckily our family is still willing to come despite the lack of religion but I would not break on this issue.  I’m also making the ceremony very non-religious. 

Post # 6
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@stellamae: FI’s dad is a pastor. I feel your pain. But seriously, this is YOUR wedding, make it reflect your relationship, not your family. Try to put your foot down–I know it can be hard. I think you’ve done enough by having the Episcopal ceremony. 

Post # 7
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think having a non-religious wedding is completely fine.  HOWEVER, you did agree to have an Episcopal wedding, which is religious, which means you are agreeing to having scripture read at the wedding.  Ours is Methodist and there is no way we could have it without at least one bible reading.

If it bothers you that might, I think you need to re-think the Episcopal ceremony all together and go with a totally awesome non-religious ceremony.  But if you are going to cave and do the Episcopal wedding, then yes, that will include readings from the bible.  Does that make sense?

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

See if you can have him reading from the Message Bible. The translation is is more plain language and doesn’t feel as stuffy.

Still scritpure and still bible so your families should be pleased but it won’t be like the Word “shoved” down your throat.

=)

Post # 10
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

what about a passage from the Bible that’s not explicity “religious,” like the “love is patient, love is kind” passage?

but, I also agree, that it’s your wedding, and you shouldn’t be incorporating things if you don’t even believe in them!

Post # 11
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We had a secular ceremony, but picked a passage from the bible that love anyway.  It’s always been a meaningful passage for us, and that the only reason we picked it.  I was hoping that it would keep people who were feeling bad about the ceremony not being religious from feeling too bad about it.

The passage was part of “To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.”  It’s not explicitly supernatural.

Post # 12
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Funny cause I am religious, and I’m still having these problems. No, I’m not going to have 1 Corinthians 13 at the wedding because IMO it’s way overdone.

Yes our wedding scripture is not typical for weddings, but it suits us well.

No I don’t want a 20 minute sermon, because I want to just be married and get the party started!

Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@stellamae: what verse do they want to read from the bible? If it is somthing neutral about love then perhaps it doesnt matter and wont sound too religious?  The bible is also studied as piece of literature and not just as a religious book so maybe they can find a verse that isnt too religious?

Post # 14
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My mom and I had the big talk about my atheism a couple of years ago. It made her sad, but she told me she respected my ability to think critically and make my own decisions. However, she sometimes makes reference to the fact that I’m “questioning”, which makes me think that she still nurses the idea in her breast that this is a temporary leave of my faith.

She suggested a few times that we could get married in her (admittedly beautiful) church. What finally stopped it was when I told her that we felt using a house of worship was plain disrespectful. We didn’t believe the doctrine, and so it was rude to just walk through a religious service saying words we didn’t mean. Once we turned the issue around as “we’re not worthy”, the talk of a church wedding died down.

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

neither one of us are religious and we had nothing pertaining to religion at all at our wedding. I thought I would get some backlash from my parents, but I told them point blank we were not getting married in a church, and they were fine with it.  We ended up getting married in a place that has a ton of meaning to my family, so I think that was helpful. Also, we paid for the wedding ourselves

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