I lied to my husband about something stupid and now he doesn't want me anymore

posted 4 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4630 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

hisonly :  Have the two of you ever been to couples counseling?  I think it would help you both to find middle ground here.

 Obviously you shouldn’t have lied, but he is being extreme in his views also – otherwise you would have felt comfortable asking him about buying the tv from a co worker.

 

Post # 3
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

hisonly :  I’m sure it’s something you’re legitimately upset about, but I’m going to be really honest. The fact that you wouldn’t be “allowed” to buy a TV from a coworker simply because he’s a guy shows me that lying about a TV is the least of your issues. I’m sure you love this guy, but it sounds to me like a breakup over something so ridiculous is probably a blessing in disguse. No marriage is without arguments and tough times, but I can promise I’d never be in a marriage where my husband had veto power over me buying something from someone simply based on their gender.

Post # 4
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry why the heck are you with this controlling person? He doesn’t think you’re sending money back and fourth. He’s accusing you of that to ensure you try really hard to prove that you’re not. It’s manipulation. Its abusive. 

Post # 5
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

Two issues are at play here:

1. your husband is “over protective”. You couldn’t purchase a TV from a man because…? Perhaps there’s more than you’ve explained, but from that detail alone it sounds like you aren’t supposed to be interacting with guys at all. That wouldn’t work for me, and since you went ahead with the TV deal anyway it seems like it doesn’t work for you either. 

2. You’d rather lie to him than work out the first issue. If he has standards for your behavior that you don’t want to/plan to abide by then that’s something you should be upfront with. “Hey DH I know you feel uncomfortable with X, so I wanted to spare you discomfort. I made a mistake in hiding it from you. In the future I will be upfront about my intention to do XYZ and we can talk things over. I’ll do all I can to help you feel more secure as we move forward” 

Post # 6
Member
4022 posts
Honey bee

Why do you want to win his trust back? He’s overly controlling. Do you not see how insane it is that you felt you had to lie about who you bought a TV from because if it was a man he would flip out? His past trust issues sound like an excuse to control and manipulate you, which is he clearly successfully doing. 

Post # 7
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

hisonly :  Your problem here is your husband is an ass

Post # 8
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

hisonly :  You guys need to see a councillor of some sorts because your dynamic is unhealthy.

He may have been cheated on in the past but it is unfair of him to bring that into your relationship and show so little trust in you. You shouldn’t have lied but the point that you felt you had to says a lot about the status of your relationship. He is way overreacting about the money thing and your explanation is logical. Does he seriously think you and your  male coworker were paying each other for sexual services through pay pal??? 

Time for a conversation between the two of you in front of an impartial professional to work through trust issues.

Post # 10
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee

“Long story short, my husband and I were moving into our new house and I wanted to buy this TV that a guy at work was selling. Well I knew my husband wouldn’t let me get it because it’s from another guy. (he’s crazy over protective)”

I stopped reading right here honestly. Your problem isn’t that you lied, it’s that you felt you had to lie in the first place about something completely innocent. It is really alarming that you don’t even seem to realize how messed up this is – you seem to think this is normal. It’s not. Your husband isn’t “over protective” because he loves you so much – he’s over protective (read: insanely controlling and paranoid) because he has personal issues that have nothing to do with you. When someone is jealous all the time, that is not a sign of their undying love – it’s a sign that they are incredibly insecure and haven’t found a healthy way of coping with that. Your husband needs to get help for his issues rather than projecting them on you.

Stop apologizing for the TV thing. Stand up for yourself. You know you did nothing wrong, so why are you apologizing?? You need to turn the tables on him stat. Tell him calmly that you will not be apologizing anymore for that TV, and that if you want to purchase something from a person you will do so regardless of the seller’s gender. Tell him he is the one with a trust problem and he needs to get help for that or you’re out – you can’t keep living this way, being made to feel guilty when you’ve done nothing wrong!

Post # 12
Member
6490 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

hisonly :  He’s not “over protective.” He’s controlling. It’s not normal, not healthy, and not protective for him to get so angry about you having a normal interaction with another human, that you feel the need to lie about it. He’s the problem here. You were afraid of his response. You were so afraid that you compromised your own integrity. Why do you want to be with someone who is so unreasonable that you’re afraid to tell him something completely unremarkable? Do you understand that most men would not care whether the person you buy a tv from has a penis or not? That doesn’t usually factor in AT ALL. You should be leaving him, not worried about whether he’s going to leave you. If you are so afraid of someone that you have to lie to them, why in the world are you with them?

Post # 14
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

hisonly :  Girl I would be showing him the door. Why do you want to be with a man like that? “Mommy issues” is a cop-out. If he really has problems trusting people he should see a therapist and work on himself. Frankly he sounds like a controlling asshole who is using excuses to keep you toeing the line. You should have to “prove yourself” – he should be in a relationship with you because he got to know you and your character and loves you. At the end of the day YOU have to want to make a change in your life, because he certainly isn’t. You can either stay in an abusive relationship (which, just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean it’s not abuse) or you can stand up for yourself and find a man who loves you the way you are and doesn’t give a shit that you work in a male dominated job.

Post # 15
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m sorry but we all have a past. We’ve all been hurt by toxic people.

It’s complete and utter bull crap that you have to deal with it because “that’s the way he is”.

That’s such a cop out on his part.

He needs to work on his issues because he’s punishing you for what someone else has done in his past.

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