I lied to my husband about something stupid and now he doesn't want me anymore

posted 4 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 136
Member
34 posts
Newbee

mrsaime :  She mentioned that she’s 22, so yes–this absolute nonsense is standard for young people. 

Post # 137
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Here’s what I predict, and if we could look back in 20 years, I’ll no doubt be right:

She’s not going to take anyone’s advice right now. Your words, as wise and excellent as they are, have already fallen on deaf ears. 

She’s incredibly young and in an abusive relationship. She’s going to learn after several more years that this relationship was a mistake, and–God willing–she’ll find a way out of it with all body parts intact (and those of her children). 

Sorry, OP. I’d recommend serious counseling now, and that you read some books about actual people’s experiences in abusive relationships. But neither of those things will work anyway–we have to WANT to go. Eventually, you will, but not today. 

Post # 138
Member
18 posts
Newbee

Holy smokes.

This is just my opinion and I don’t mean to be pushy but I think you need to seriously consider that you are in an unhealthy relationship. I would bring up the subject of couples counseling and if he says no maybe consider leaving him. I’m sorry that he is like that.

Post # 139
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

hisonly :  Ummmm….I hate to sound trite but your husband has massive issues that HE needs to work on if his issue is with you *purchasing a television from a male.* Why would that be of ANY issue? I mean, I have had my own insecurity issues but even this makes me question his state of mind. Does he have issue with every man you encounter in life? Like WHAT? You don’t need to do anything “make him want you” again. I’d say he needs a therapist to sort out his past because it’s not fair to you to have to walk on eggshells over a TV. If you had been friendly with another guy in a different way, or he found a huge text log between you and some other man, then I’d get it, but dang. A TV? No. He needs professional help. Don’t beat yourself up over that. You can buy a TV, or a canteloupe, or a bedspread, from anyone you want to. 

Post # 140
Member
47 posts
Newbee

hisonly :  he’s manipulative, full stop. This will turn into deep emptional abuse (if it hasn’t already) and that will hurt you a whole lot deeper than it is now. 

I was with somone for 6 years. He has outrageous, uncontrollable and explosive anger. We didn’t have the trust issues – like you’re saying – but when we got into arguments it was embarassing and really I couldn’t believe I would ever act that way or that he would. However, he’d always say something like “You know how to push my buttons, you know exactly what to say. If you hadn’t said this I wouldn’t have had to act like that”. It’s abuse and it’s very unhealthy. 

 

Perhaps your husband does have previous emotional issues (and that’s fair – lots of us do) but he needs to deal with those. It isn’t your fault about these (I mean, provided you’re being honest about your role here and I think you are) things and he needs to figure it out. He might have “mommy issues” but you aren’t his mother – you’re his partner, his wife. Either he gets over it, works with you to move past this or he doesn’t . . . and that’s a hard choice, but it needs to be made. If he can’t trust you over a TV from a friend then there’s bigger issues than the TV. 

Post # 142
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

hisonly :  Why are you still hanging on?  He’s awful to you & it’s not going to improve.  Tell him he’s right that divorce is the best option and move on to find the happiness you deserve. I know it will be hard at first but it will be so worth it.

Post # 143
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like he’s handing you a gift on a silver platter by getting those divorce papers all ready to go!  So call his bluff, sign the papers, and get out of this exhausting, emotionally abusive relationship ASAP!

Post # 144
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

How do I say NO and stand my ground without looking like I’m afraid or have something to hide!! 

You let him sign those divorce papers. 

Post # 145
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

hisonly :  

Good. Sign the papers and get out of this. This relationship will only decline to more control and abuse.

I’m glad he already has the papers, get out.

Post # 146
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

hisonly :  “or he wants a divorce, he went to the courthouse today and got the papers.”

GOOD! Let him go ahead and divorce you! That’ll be the best possible outcome to hope for in this situation. He is abusive, controlling and just awful. You deserve better. You’re too young to be putting up with this bullshit for the rest of your life. Put on your big girl panties and tell him it’s over. 

Post # 147
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

I feel like I’m giving up my last bit of dignity to try and keep this marriage together.

You are, and you deserve better. 

Post # 148
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

Post # 149
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

This man is cruel, controlling and abusive. This isn’t love, it’s possession. This man feels he owns you and wants to control you and your behaviour by taking away his love at the drop of a hat to make you behave how he wants you to. If you’d bought something on eBay and the seller was male would it be an issue then? Is it purely because it’s a male you know personally? He’s trying to control you by threatening divorce, a loving husband doesn’t do that. Sign the documents and don’t look back. You might not see it now but believe me you’ll be glad you did. My mum abused me in a similar way for years and it wasn’t until I cut contact with her that I fully understood how unhinged she was but I’m so relieved I cut her off. Best decision I made and it’ll be the same for you too.

Post # 150
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Sign and never look back.

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