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@katiee0707: Since she is not interested in being bridesmaids, tell her that she can step down.
@redband: trust me, ive mentioned that to my FI but she cant because she is his sister. his family would go insane. ugh this is so horrible
Nah, I mean not.. erm fire her but rather have a talk and see if she wants to resign:D Is that possible? She doesn't seem keen at all so maybe she would actually be happy to?
@redband: ive thought about that too. The only thing is, we would have to find someone else, she is already mentioned and has a picture on our wedding website, and she is already printed in our programs. She she is kind of un-removable and if she DID decide to step down, it would probably cause a ton of problems for us. i just wish she could be a tiny bit more pleasant. My friend thinks she is jealous because we are getting married and living on our own, and she is still living at home and her bf and her arent going anywhere. And she actually signed him up for wedding tux magazines, And she watches wedding shows non-stop. I think she wants to have her own wedding so she's taking out her anger on me. Its such a horrible position to be in and I am honestly furious at her
@katiee0707: Can you talk to your FIL about this? Maybe tell them that she hasn't ordered her dress and "confide" in them that you don't think she wants to be there and give them a list of her behavior?
I've had some of the same problems with my sister/MOH! She flipped over the bridesmaid dresses, and has gotten super upset with some of my choices. I think it's because she is still recovering from a pretty awful break up. And she's my sister so I love her to death, but it is incredibly frustrating. I've been dealing with it by mostly ignoring her when she makes inappropriate comments and venting to a friend. And I would enlist you FI to help deal with her. When my sister almost refused to buy a dress because she didn't like it (btw I gave my ladies the choice of dozens of gowns in the same brand) I had my grandma kind of call and talk to her. She bought the dress :). I don't want to feel any resentment towards anyone on my wedding day, especially my MOH, so I've been having my family do the intervening which will prob work in your case!
AH I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. She sounds terrible. It's frustrating to hear things like this because I always thought that your bridesmaids are supposed to be your "safe haven" in wedding planning and support you through everything - that's why you choose them right? But you're clearly stuck in a situation where you had to choose her and it's coming back to bite you.
Do you think you could have your FI talk to her? Maybe you could make estimates to her size and just let her know that you are ordering for her if things get too bad or become a close call with ordering the items. Does she respond to deadlines - if you were to send a group email out saying please have all of your sizes in by xxxx? Do you think your other BMs are listening to her or agreeing with her complaints at all? Or are they fed up with her too?
PS Date twin! My girls haven't ordered their dresses yet either, so I don't think you need to REALLY start stressing about that quite yet, but that's obviously not the point - which is her being so difficult.
So sorry you're dealing with this!
Does she have to be in the wedding? I wasn't in either of my brother's weddings, and it worked out just fine.
I would have your FI since it is his sister and his family who thinks she must be in the wedding to tell her she is only causing drama and stress for everyone involved, to get her act together instead of her mouth.
Or you could be mean an put a ugly photo of her on your web site LOL yeah sorry that’s ill of me to say and catty but I have a vengeful side to me LOL
It sucks that she is going behind your back, but hopefully the rest of your bridesmaids know you well enough to know that she is stirring the pot.
In my circle, kicking someone out of a wedding is akin to kicking them out of your life, and since she is going to be around for the rest of your and your FI's lives, you may just need to suck it up and deal with her crap.
About the dress, did you ask her for a budget beforehand? Perhaps she can't afford it and is trying to get the other bridesmaids to rally around that point. Maybe talk to her alone and ask her what's really going on. If you have money in the budge, perhaps you could help her with the dress.
Remember - if she doesn't order the dress by the last possible date, she has pretty much removed herself from the wedding. In that case, you're all set!
I actually do understand not wanting to tell you get size before she sees the type of shirts. Sometimes sizing can be way off. So I wouldn't include that in the list of reason why you hate her. LOL.
@babymakes3: I actually do understand not wanting to tell you get size before she sees the type of shirts. Sometimes sizing can be way off. So I wouldn't include that in the list of reason why you hate her. LOL.
I agree with this. I'm an XL in some shirts and 2XL in others. However, if she's doing this about everything, that's really annoying. You're in a tough spot being FSIL.
@kerensa: I agree :)
OP: Just cos she is your FI's sister does not mean you have to have her as your bridesmaid. You're the bride, you choose who your attendants are, they should be people YOU are close to, and want there next to you on the day. If your FI wanted her in the wedding, she could have done a reading or stood on his side or something. From what you're saying it's more him and your future in laws that want her as your bridesmaid, not you. I don't think she should have been chosen if she acts like that, and she should be kicked out if she doesn't be a little more respectful towards you and gets the things done that need to be. You have been very accommodating with her.
But if she is already listed in the programs there isn't much to do, but I agree with PPs, your fiance should talk to her. But I think it might be better if you talk to her together so she can't try to say stuff about you to your FI that isn't true, based on what you've said about her behaviour and her character I am guessing that's something she would do?
i think this should be your FI's problem. Tell him. Once big brother comes along.......
hopefully she'll realize that she's wrecking her brother's wedding...not her future SIL's wedding.
@futuremrscrawford: I agree! The first step his to talk to your FI.
Personally, I would go with a hands off approach.
Something along the lines of "Your dress has to be ordered by ________. The cost is _________." Tell the bridal store to make the order with or without her info the day after her deadline.
End of communication. Expect nothing else from her, but to probably show up and be in the dress. If she can't handle getting the dress, it's her problem and she's taken herself out of the wedding.
Don't make this your problem when it doesn't have to be.
Please don't worry about the family. Think of it like this after the wedding is over, do you think THEY will remember it? No, they won't BUT you will.
Tell her and FI that you decide who you would like to represent your side and if your FI wants his sister to be in it, it should be on his side. He needs to spend time with her and decide on what to wear.
You shouldn't have to deal with it. This moment is supposed to be shared with people you love and are happy for you. This girl isn't happy for you, she wants to make it hell.
"She is my FI's sister so of course she has to be in the wedding" - err woah woah woah! No she does NOT! If she's going to act like this she doesn't deserve to be at all, and just because she is his sister does not give her automatic rights to be a bridesmaid.
Be polite and firm, reply to her nasty little letter. Say you don't believe for a second that everyone agrees with her, and it's very unkind and immature to say things like this what with all the stress you're already under. Tell her you understand that she probably has plenty of other things going on in her life, and due to this you have decided the kindest thing to do is to take her out of the wedding so it saves a lot of hassle for her and that she no longer needs to buy the dress.
Well, that's what I would do lol.
Please, please,please, for the love of god, do NOT kick her out. That would be a terrible idea. It is a friendship ending move (in all circles) and she and her family WILL remember that you did that. It will cause way more drama than you have now. Is that really how you want to start your new relationship with your ILs? Yes, maybe you shouldn't have asked her, but the fact is you did and now you are stuck.
I know this can be frustrating, but I think you need to give her the benefit of the doubt. As a PP said, perhaps she did really want to see the shirt beforehand so she can accurately give a size. Different cuts of shirts fit differently. For isntance, if it's a fitted shirt, then I'm usually a medium, but if it's a generic, regular t-shirt (like the kind you get from running a race, donating blood, etc.) then I'm a small. Also, did you ask her the budget before hand? If not, then I can see her being frustrated with that. She definitely shouldn't be complaining to your BM and should have come straight to you, but maybe she was just trying to see if other BMs felt the same way. If she did give you a budget and the dress is in that budget, then you just give her a date it needs to be ordered by and then don't discuss anything about the wedding after that. She can't complain if she doesn't know! If she doesn't order the dress, then she has taken herself out of the wedding party. Finally, you need to remember that no one will be as excited as you about your wedding day. So don't be surprised or offended if she has other things going on in her life and doesn't want to be super involved with your wedding. Sure it's not ideal, but unfortuantely that's how it goes.
Anyway, I hope venting helped. Weddings can be hella stressful. I think you should sit down with her and make sure she's ok with all of the costs of the wedding. I also think you should plan a girls day where it's just you and her and you don't discuss wedding at all and just focus on being friends and sisters. =)
@knight.keira: Please don't worry about the family. Think of it like this after the wedding is over, do you think THEY will remember it? No, they won't BUT you will.
I'm sorry, but do you really think they won't remember that you kicked her out of the bridal party? I can guarantee you they will. It's a HUGE slight. And I seriously doubt it will end well.
Move her over to your FI's side and make her a groomswoman instead of a bridesmaid. Then she's still in the wedding party, but she's his problem, not yours.
Maybe I'm crazy but are you sure you aren't over-exaggerating what a nut she is?
You picked the example that she needs to know what the shirt looks like in order to tell you her size - I'm a nice person and I would have asked the same question. What's the big deal?
She is complaining about the cost - so maybe you need to do a self-assessment and make sure you aren't asking too much for them to spend. If she says the others agree with her, that might not be a total lie. To me it sounds like she is a little bit of a pain but you sound as if you might be letting wedding stress get to you.
Like I said - reassess what you're asking of your bridesmaids. She might be a pain but you might not realize a few things about yourself.
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She is my FI's sister so of course she has to be in the wedding. She has been nothing but a pain this entire time. She complains about every little thing. I asked her for her clothing size b/c i am making cute shirts for the girls, and she actually told me she can't tell me the size until she sees the shirt I'm picking out! Isn't this crazy, or is it just me?! And she is doing this for EVERY SINGLE THING. And now, she is actually calling all the other bridesmaids (my good friends) and complaining to them about the costs of the wedding and the dresses I picked out, and how I'm too slow at this, etc etc. Then she wrote me and told me everyone agrees with her and basically how she has more important things to do in her life than things for my wedding. Oh, like ORDERING her f-ing bridesmaid dress. I am so furious right now, she's the only one who hasnt ordered it and we can't put orders in until she puts hers in. She is so hard to talk to, bc she is so bossy and a little princess that expects everything to be about her. Sorry for the long vent, everyone, I just don't know where else to vent. haha. Is this completely normal for me to be feeling like this or is my wedding stress just getting to me?