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I just want to say that you are way more easy going about the situation than I would be haha. So even though I understand your annoyance I think you are handling it pretty damn gracefully.
I'll be sending out good vibes for you and your fiance that things go well!
im guessing lots of couples live with one set of parents for a variety of reason so as long as there are rules in place then follow them
in hindsight you & your FI maybe should have got in first and said something like i fell asleep but nothing happened and we're sorry before your FI's had a chance to say anything. personally im a bit old fashion so i respect your FIL's stance on this one
either way - youre feeling pretty blah about the whole thing so hopefully you & your FI can have a laught and feel better about it soon
trust me, June 2010 is going to come around real quick and then you will be 2 states away starting your new life together... and alone
sending hugs.. in a non sexual, you under the covers and me on top of the covers way :)
Thanks HoneyBunny!
And Eloping, we know there are rules, we're fine with that. We're both thankful that we are able to live here. And they know it's not our intention, they trust us and all, it's just kind of sucky and makes me miss having my own apartment. I just keep thinking how easy it would be go to Vegas and come back a Mrs!
vegas sounds GREAT! my renewal vow dream is to go to vegas, drivethru with an elvis impersonator and all the wedding vows are elvis songs (eg, will you be her teddy bear)... tragic but thats me
its almost August already so 2010 is going to happen real fast
Honey my parents are the same way as your FILs. Hahaha! My dad will not even let my FI upstairs my bedroom and my sisters' bedrooms are. He has to stay downstairs and use the guest bedroom and bathroom. We got engaged on Cmas eve in front of my whole family and at the end of the night my dad pulled me aside and said I am really happy for the two of you but you are not married yet so he cannot stay with you. We have been dating for about 3 years and are having a 2 year engagement. Just take deep breaths and remember that soon you will not be under their roof.
Ooh, that sucks. A lot. My parents are super conservative (dad is a Church of Christ minister)...and that is why they live in Texas and I live in Florida with my FI's parents. They are super cool and don't butt into our private life (just like we don't butt into theirs)...but I feel your pain. My parents are NOT cool with my FI staying in my room when we visit.
I'd like to ask, though- did the in-laws have a conversation with your FI AND you, or just you? Because that's not fair if that's the case.
MsAnna, they had the convo with both of us - though I know it was directed more towards my FI since it's my room and he's the one who falls asleep in there. And they understand that it's not our intention for Matt to fall asleep in there, we were just getting to be too lax with the situation I suppose.
I'm close to my FILs and they're both great people, but I have a feeling I'm going to try to stay relatively busy the next couple of weeks... my FI is going camping in two weeks with his friends for a few days, and I think my life will consist of work, gym, errands, sleeping for those days! I just still feel awkward about it, even though my FMIL was like, "it's over, no biggie!"
Thats awkward but I'm glad they were pretty cool about it.
We have our own house but visit my parents about once a month, my parents are pretty conservative with the whole sleeping together in their house thing. My brothers' fiances all had to sleep in my room until they were married. My parents downsized after that so now daisygroom can sleep in my room but has to sleep on a cot.
I should think myself lucky that both my parents and FH's family allows us to share a room! That is stressful not having a private life, but I guess the place is good and cheap for you now, and rules are rules :)
That must be so frustrating, I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation not too long ago. I'm in an LDR with my bf, we currently get to see each other once a week - previously it was once a fortnight, possibly once every 3 weeks. Only recently have we been able to stay in the same bed when I go over to stay. I'm 24, he's 28. It used to frustrate me that I'd be seeing him for 24 hours, with about half of that being asleep, and therefore not being with him.
His mum is rather traditional and conservative. One night he told me he'd had a word with her and now we stay in the same room. When he comes to mine there is little option other to stay in my room (small house). Nosey grandmother asking where he was going to sleep was trickily dodged...
Still if BF was on top of the covers and you were under them...did they really think something would have happened?
Wow that sucks. My parents have always been cool about letting my stay with my FI. They knew we stayed together at school and they were like, "just don't do anything we wouldn't approve of" which was awkward, but at least we got to snuggle.
But, his mom made a HUGE deal about how he MUST sleep on the couch and this that and the other (after we lived together). Finally I said I wouldn't stay there if she was going to make such a stink about it that it made me uncomfortable. So we stopped staying there and know what? One night at a motel 6 and she told us, "look, you can stay with her. It's ok" What got me is that we'd lived together barely 8 months before....that's why i thought it was so weird.
I dunno. I don't like being treated like that and I don't think that getting married just so you can be "approved of" by them isn't cool. Don't elope. Either wait it out patiently (their house, their rules, I know) or find a way to move out and get your own privacy. I can't imagine that living with them is really all that healthy for your relationship anyways. Every couple needs privacy. But getting married b/c it's "convenient" isn't necessarily the best way to go, just so he can stay with you in his own room.
But hey, if you're cool with it, then I guess you figure it comes with the territory. I just don't appreciate having a "talking to" when I'm an adult, in general. It doesn't sound like they made you real uncomfortable in general, though, but it was more of an "oops" thing. I suddenly feel like my parents are very "cool", lol. Then again, they encouraged me to live with him, too, haha. Don't get me wrong, I respect the "rules", I just would never subject myself to them.
@gingerlex, we had a similiar situation. Once he went into the military, I only saw him every couple of months, so it really was poopy to only get to spend daylight together. I just think, in general, it's more awkward for the couple ot have everyone making a big deal of "so where are THEY going to sleep" like you're going to fornicate in the house or something. I mean, really! 
Ginger, no they don't, it's more of a boundaries thing.
EJS, I'm just grateful I have a place to live. Doing a full time teaching credentital program and trying to work enough hours to pay $750 a month to live in an apt. would be too much for me. Especially since I'm trying to continue to pay off student loans from my undergrad. I respect their rules, I just feel more embarrassed we had to be talked to about it.
@ ejs4y8, not meaning to start and arguement with you but this bit.......... "his mom made a HUGE deal about how he MUST sleep on the couch and this that and the other (after we lived together). Finally I said I wouldn't stay there if she was going to make such a stink about it that it made me uncomfortable"
its her house. what you do under your own roof is perfectly fine but to make your own demands under someone elses roof is really rude to me. yes youre adults but so is she so why is her life choices for her home unrespected?
like i said im not picking a fight with you at all, i just wanted to say that not all families are open to having non married couples sleep together in their homes and i think that should be respected
at the end of the day, to each their own.....
I never said I didn't respect it, I'm just saying I don't dig being on the receiving end and I can appreciate the frustrations, and I just said that i'd rather stay in a hotel than in her house. It's not like I walked in there demanding us to stay together. So we stayed in a Motel 6 and when she realized how uncomfortable I was with the show that got made over it, I guess she figured it wasn't a big deal and let us stay together. You have to understand my husband was military. We saw each other every COUPLE of months. We had no privacy (much like the op) and I finally told him I was sick of that, that I didn't look forward to having "my" weekend with every 8 or 10 weeks just to spend all day long with his family and friends and then have to sleep on his bed all by myself at night. I was "sharing" enough in my opinion
She made a huge deal about it, and honestly, it made me feel like I was dirty and slutty and THAT is what I didn't appreciate, but I left that out earlier. She also had a tendency to wear a see-through white shirt in the morning with the nips showing, too, at breakfast. So I was uncomfortable in general and felt like it was overall just...not something i was ok with. Surely your mom would never wear something see-through in front of your FI, right? So maybe that helps clarify the situation and I probably should have given more background before.
I was never rude to her about it, and I have the right to not stay in her house, so I chose not to. The OP is doing it to save a lot of money, which is awesome! And she knew "the rules" so obviously she was ok with them. My parents were very open with stuff b/c they said i was an adult and we were living together so all was good. And honestly, respect aside, I have that opinion in general that when you're an adult your parents shouldn't tell you how to live necessarily, but that's another topic another day. In the end, it worked out fine and I was never mean about it, honestly. I just told my husband how I felt and he said "ok we'll stay in a hotel!" no biggee deal. I just don't think ANYONE needs to be made to feel uncomfortable and that every situation can be handled a tactfully. As the OP said, she was really embarassed about it! She already knew the "rules" and felt badly, them bringing it up just made it all the more awkward, and I can relate. It's more embarassing to have a big stink made about it than it just to be a quietly understood thing that you aren't supposed to stay together....or that it happened one time and it won't again.
I'm very respectful of parents' houses and what they demand of their children. It's just that I stood up for something and ended up getting my way basically once she realized how her comments made me feel. We would have been content to stay in a hotel for all the visits, too, but she didn't want us to do that. She still joked that we better not "do anything" in her house, and we never did.
thanks ejs4y8, like i said i didnt mean to argue with you but its good to consider the various sides and see how others do things. glad you worked out a better option - personally as you only see eachother ever few MONTHS i would only stay in a motel, yikes - you need privacy girl! :)
No worries! I came off harsher than I meant to. I've been capitalizing a lot of things lately, lol. I knew once I read your reply that I must've come off bad (habitual at work sometimes), so I rereaed it and decided to clarify, which of course ended up being this HUGE article explaining everything!
Him being in the military was the biggest kicker though! It was like "oh nice to see you...haven't seen you in 10 months...okay, goodnight".
TORTURE!
IMO, I was good enough to stick around during his deployment 15 month, but not good enough to snuggle in the evenings every once in a blue moon? 
Oh darlin'! That is both Frustration , and embarrassing! IT sounds Like the FIL's at least understand that y'all DO want to be close. And I imagine that it was not easy for them to talk about it with Y'all either. I can understand you are missing your privacy , but I think you made a smart choice by going back to school (with a very noble profession thank you for that BTW!) Mental hugs to you and yours. And they are right Time will fly by faster than you think! good luck darlin' , we're here rooting for you!!
@ BunnyBlue, bwahahahahah - "rooting" for australians means a TOTALLY different thing to us than it does to you.... ie, think twister (wink wink)
@ejs4y8 - I know exactly what you mean about it being different when the guy is in the military. My fiance is in the Army and when we do get to see each other we want to not waste any of it not being together. So far, I haven't had any problems with it, since most of the time has been in his barracks when I have gone to see him 
hehe which the other guys understood, or in hotel rooms.
I am a little worried about this coming December when he comes home for his mid tour from Afghanistan. I live in my Grandparent's guest house, and I think they might care a little, even though they know of course when I have went to see him at the various posts before that we stay together, though I guess being in their house will be different mainly because it will be a little embarassing for me. I think I am going to rent a hotel room for a few of the nights atleast, not just because of that but also because I think it will be fun and kind of special.
Haha, on another more embarassing note the other day my step dad says to me "You know when Mr. HoneyBunny gets here you two are welcome to stay here (my mom and his place where my little brother and sister live) and you can fornicate all you want! I don't care." 
lol I was like yeahhhhh that is the end of this conversation.
I understand conserative parents, of course I was a conservative girl until I met my fiancee who is (believe me my parents love this) also a girl. Due to my crazy FIL messing up our financial situation we had to move in with my parents and it is hard. We orginally had to sleep in the guest room, now we can both be in the same room at night but I have to be in the cot and she has to be in the bed on the floor or vice versa. My parents literally watch us kiss each other good night and I have heard them check on us when we are sleeping (I have a VERY creeky door). I wish I could run away and get eloped, but even Vegas doesn't like same sex marriages so here we sit trying to get our financial situation in order. It's tough, but it is nice to know we are not alone. Sometimes parents best intentions end up feeling like you are being treated like a five year old, but think about the benefit of saving up that money for 2010. You can do it msashleymarie! And when it gets to be super frustrating we are all a mouse click, or buzz away:-)
My parents are pretty conservative too. When FH and I go to the cabin with them, my parents are weird about us sleeping in the spare room (2 twin beds) I mean really...2 of us cannot sleep in a singe twin bed. We can hardly sleep comfortably in our Queen-size bed. His parents are cool about it. We go home every year and we stay at their place because of our dogs, but they've never said anything about it. Even before we were engaged. I think my parents get mad that we stay there, but we sleep in the same bed at our own home, so it's weird to sleep alone.
I just deal with it from my parents. They'll get over it once we're married.
@Miss Lily,
We slept on an extra-long twin for a whole year! I wonder how the heck we ever did it! My full sized bed is much too small now! Seriously we must've really really liked each other, lol
ejs4y8-
He's military. He likes his space...ok jk. I like to give him his space, especially in a new place. :) 2 tours to Iraq over 15 months each tends to have some profound effects on people. We do snuggle on the twin at the cabin, but there's no way we could sleep that way, unless the mattress was on the floor...because that's where one of us would end up. LOL
I live with the inlaws as well. Luckily they aren't coservative like that though, but it's still a rough situation! We have been living together for about 14 months (married for 2) and its been rough, privacy wise. First. when I first moved in, hubby was sharing his room with his sister. She was home only 2 nights a week, and they had a bunk bed... on even the kind with a full size bed on the bottom. we were sharing the top bunk of a twin sized bed. so not fun, and even more not fun to know she was sleeping under us! One day hubby somehow broke the bed though, and the three of us agreed it would be stupid to get another bunk bed. So now we have a full size bed and she sleeps with MIL, but all her clothes and desk and stuff is still here. She's only here 2 nights a week, but she has more closet and dresser space than I do... I always just try to remind myself that she is paying rent with my husband, so I don't really have the right to complain.
But, if that wasn't awkward. The inlaws are divorced, but FIL still lives here too... he sleeps on a cot in the living room, and half of the living room is just kind of "his room" even though it isnt divided off or anything. He doesnt work and is basically home ALL day. If we want to go play Wii or watch TV, he is like right there the whole time. I also cant run from the bathroom wrapped in a towel to our room after a shower or something because again, he's right there and it's too awkward!
He also doesn't speak English...or at least pretends not to. and MIL hates him so often she's yelling at him or something or bugging Mr.Joe to kick FIL out (not that FIL would listen. They've been trying to get him to go back to China where his other family is, but he keeps making up excuses).
It's hard. The worst thing is that Mr. Joe and I will NEVER find an apartment bigger than this in NYC, especially for the price we're paying AND being in a safe neighborhood, so the thought of escaping is pretty slim. Plus I still have to finish school and I have no idea how long that will take because I don't know what credits will transfer over. bleeeh
Ah, I can't even imagine dealing with that awkwardness! My boyfriend's parents invited me to sleep over - in his room - from day one. I guess they figured since we were already off at university together, there was no need to sleep separately on the weekends. It would just be a facade anyway.
We're from the same hometown, but my mom moved to a new city (about 30 mins away) that none of my other friends and family live in, so whenever we visit home, we end up "living with them" for the weekend. I think I need to county my lucky stars that they've been very liberal and very realistic. Particularly since we are currently long distance, if we didn't get to spend the night together on weekends, we wouldn't have much time together at all.
Kudos to you for being so respectful of their rules, and I hope that the awkwardness passes quickly! And that you have more time for "privacy" in the future ;)
My FI and I live with his parents too. I was living with a friend that I moved out here with from 1,500 miles away. My fiance was living with some friends of his. My relationship with my friend/roommate went terribly wrong and I needed to move out but I had left all of my family and friends behind 1,500 miles away so I had nowhere to go and at the time, my FI and I had only started dating (so he was not my FI yet) and I could not move in with him because his roommates wouldn't allow it.
His parents offered to let me move in with them. I agreed. That was a year and a half ago. I was in college (still am) and only had a part time job so I really had no other resources to move out. A few months ago, my (now) FI moved back home because his roommates decided to buy a home and instead of wasting money renting from them, he decided to save and buy a home for us.
We have ABSOLUTELY no privacy at all and planning our wedding is near impossible with his mother thinking she's in charge. I'm pretty sure if she didn't know our business, she wouldn't be so bad, but right now, I dislike everything about her.
My FI and I will be moved into our first home in November but even that is entirely too far away! I haven't been able to put up with living here for a year and a half, I don't know how FI did it for 21 years!
I just moved into my In-laws house, and so far its been fine. But we've only been here 5 days. We lived together at his house, but we decided to rent it out and move in with his rents to save for building our new house. So no crazy rules or anything about sleeping in the same room, but wow there is NO PRIVACY! Also he's an only child and FMIL's so happy to have a DIL she never stops talking, and inviting us out to dinner, or asking us where we're going or when we're coming back. I'm so grateful for their generosity and opening their home to us, I just hope that we can find a peaceful balance for all of us.
I only had to live with my FIL's for a month before my FI and I moved down here. Luckily, we were able to maintain our private life.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, and you have been a lot calmer than I would have been!!!
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Yep. That's right. I live with my future in-laws. Due to a variety of reasons, but mostly because I'm going back to school in the fall to get my teaching credentials. My FI and I are getting married in June, then we're moving two states away (which I'll be more than ready for) so the plan is for me to stay here until then.
And oh yeah, my FI lives here too. Getting odd yet? He moved back to San Diego from Orange County where we were living to take a job a year and a half ago, and to save money moved in with his parents. I moved down 8 months later and got an apartment until I decided to go back to school. Anyway...
So on occasion, well, pretty much every night, my FI will lay by me until I fall asleep (with me under the covers and him on top since his parents are super conservative) but sometimes falls asleep too. I usually wake up a couple hours later and kick him out, but last night I didn't wake up until 5:15am. Apparently, his dad had woken up around 5am and saw he wasn't in bed, then, when he got out of the shower, he was back in bed.
So I just got to have an awkward conversation with my FIL's about how that's not going to fly and we'll have to find "other sleeping arrangements" if it happens again. Our 'private' life has pretty much gone down the drain as it is, and I know this will make it worse.
Oh well, I'm thankful I have a place to live... but eloping, moving out, and living together sans parents would be sooooo nice. Sigh. I guess there's really no point to this post. I just had to talk about it.
Anyone else live with their in-laws or future in-laws?