Post # 1
Yes, I did it. I know it is wrong but I just couldn’t avoid it.
I have done it in the past and talked to him about it. The thing is that although he is loving and caring I do not approve certain things he does and texting other girls is one of them.
He texts this co-workers with smiley faces and weird comments. I have said many times how uncomfortable I am with this and he says that he can indeed have female friends.
But I think this is crossing the line.
Also there is this ex-girlfriend from teenager years. They talk on the phone every week and share texts. He tells me she is asking for advice with guys most of the time and that she knows he is engaged but again I think this is not appropriate.
If I bring that up there will be a fight, because I looked through his phone. What do I do? Pretend I am not bothered? The bad thing is that I just want to “hit back’. I want to go out for lunch with male friends (soemthing he does not approve) or start calling my male friends whenever I feel like (something he also does not approve).
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
What is the nature of his texts? Is there anything to suggest he might be cheating? If there is nothing “amiss”, I would ignore it..
Post # 4
He carries on close friendships with other women and even an ex, but won’t allow you to call your guy friends? That sounds a little off….
Post # 5
You should not be going through his phone. Period. That is a violation of privacy. If you don’t trust him then you shouldn’t be with him…end of story.
You deserve to be with someone whose phone you don’t constantly feel the need to go through. It’s not fair to either of you.
Post # 6
If he’s making suggestive comments, even if he is not acting on them, that would bug the shit out of me. To me it’s kind of a perversion when a man has to constantly make sexual innuendos to different women. Is that what you mean by “weird” comments?
What are some of his texts like?
Post # 7
Rut row, the two of you definately need to talk and get on the same page about this.
Post # 8
While I agree with your Fiance that men and women can be plutonic friends, there is definitely a line that should not be crossed. If I’m calling or texting my male friends, there is a definite purpose to the conversation (“hey, where are you?”, “can I borrow your book?”, etc.). What your Fiance is doing is sketchy and the fact that he doesn’t see that is very immature.
ETA: I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t be going through his phone. There are other methods.
Post # 9
I know it is wrong. But I honestly can’t avoid doing it. I am paranoid he will cheat on me… The texts are not sexual but full too “friendly” I would say…
It maybe just my crazy head but I think if I can’t be talking to my guys friends he should not be talking to his girl friends…
we ca’t talk about this. it will just bea fight as it has been in the past…
Post # 10
None of this would be acceptable to me. Especially since he’s being very hypocritical in not allowing you to do the same.
Also, I would advise for your own sanity not to snoop through his phone any more. If you don’t/can’t trust him, you may want to rethink the relationship.
“but I think if I can’t be talking to my guys friends he should not be talking to his girl friends…”
Post # 11
“I am paranoid he will cheat on me”
I went through the same emotions when I was with my ex-fiance. He ended up cheating. Trust your gut….if you feel something is off then it probably is. Hang in there!
Post # 13
I’m sorry but I see several red flags about his behavior and double standard. Is this something you want to live with for the rest of your life?
Post # 14
Bottom line, a PP was right when she said you deserve to be with someone who’s phone you don’t feel the constant need to check. It’s a huge red flag that you are so paranoid that he’ll cheat. Also, what I said above, it’s a huge red flag that he controls your friendships with other men but is potentially crossing a line with his female friends and an ex girlfriend.
Post # 15
Why did you go through his phone? Did you have an uneasy feeling? Did something set you off?
@bride2befl21340: I also think it’s weird that he is “allowed” to do these things but does not feel comfortable with you doing them as well. Seems like a double-standard.
Idk, In My Humble Opinion if my Fiance is every texting with another girl he generally tends to bring it up and casually tell me, not keep me out of the loop. If I found out he was consistently texting with another girl and didn’t tell me I would feel really uneasy about it, especially since it’s not like him to keep that from me.
You shouldn’t feel the need to have to go through his phone, he’s your Fiance. You should feel safe and secure and not feel like you should have to go through his phone. Other than this, is there things he does that make you feel otherwise? I would talk to him, I know it won’t be an easy conversation but like I said, you are getting married to the guy and you should be able to talk about any concerns you may have. Again, this is all just my opinion.
Post # 16
My thoughts are- If he doesn’t trust you to spend time one on one with men, its because he thinks something sexual is always underneath male/female interactions. So that is a big red flag to me that he then continues to have private conversations with women. Its kind of like how people who are cheating are often quick to accuse other people of cheating, because its already on their mind.