Post # 1
Ok so I have got to vent! I got married last march, and waited a couple of days to share with my closest friends. I broke the ice with a mass text to my girls: “I’m engaged ladies!!!” Immediately my phone was blown up with “congratulations!!”, and “how did he propose??”, and “lets see the ring!!”. I got these from everyone except my very best friend of 12+ years. From her I got a phone call, which got cut off almost immediately because of poor reception. So I waited for her to text. I finally got one from her which stated “what? I’m happy for you.” I responded with a thanks and said I’m soo excited. Well she didn’t text back, and I didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. And even then it was to ask for money for her upcoming birthday party. Cool right?
I was so hurt. I first figured it was due to a little jealousy, only because she had been with her boyfriend for years. Not out of vanity. Well word got around that I was upset about her reaction. We ended up meeting for lunch to talk things out. She refused to apologize, and quite frankly I don’t think she will ever feel bad. She ruined my excitement for one of the most important events of my life. And went on to say how much she didn’t care for my fiance, that we were too young to be married….excuse after excuse.
I tried to act like it was ok, feeling sympathetic for her, as she just found out her boyfriend was enetering the military. I went to her birthday and pretended everything was fine and dandy. The day after I immediately felt guilty, and irritated with myself for doing this to both her and myself. I let her get away with being a careless friend for years. So I decided I would try to steer clear of her, I didn’t need someone like that in my life.
Almost a year later, she still doesn’t understand what she did to me. She since then has ranted in front of me and my fiance about how she doesn’t support us. Oh and here’s the best part: she got engaged 3 months after me. Then took the ring she was proposed with and exchanged it for a ring exactly like mine, and I mean exactly. I am furious! I need to know if this has happened to anyone else! (sorry for the huge essay lol)
Post # 3
Trust me, a friend like that is not one you need. Even if she doesn’t like your Fiance, you love him and that’s the most important part. You don’t need her approval, you need her support. As a friend she should give that to you unconditionally. Of course it hurts to lose such a close friend, but it takes two people to try to make any type of relationship work whether it be marriage or friendship. If she’s not willing to meet you halfway, I say its good riddance! Congratulations on being engaged. You’ll be so busy soon with wedding prep, you’ll be glad to cut that drama out of your life.
Post # 4
Thanks for the reply! I can’t tell you how much it helps having someone outside of the situation supporting my decision!
Post # 5
@Jenifer: You’re welcome. I have a pretty toxic mom so I know how important it is to take a step back and re-evaluate certain scenarios and my relationship overall with her. In the end, do what’s best for you and your Fiance.
Post # 6
I dont think you lost a friend, I think you gained clarity!! Shes not a friend and it’ll only get worse, in my opinion
Post # 7
I completely agree, she’s not a friend needed in your life! Good riddance I would say. I went through something similar to this early last year, except I was on the opposite end. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in one of my close friend’s weddings that I had known for nearly 5 years when she got engaged. She turned into a bridezilla, and long story short, I also realized she was such a careless friend; if things didn’t go her way, she wasn’t happy. My friendship to her wasn’t worth it apparently after all we went through.
I was once told by someone that true friends are those who stick with you through thick and thin, they’re very hard to come by but once you have them, they’re with you for life. This said by someone who ended up becoming my absolute best friend in this world, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything 🙂
Post # 8
I can relate to this. One of my best friends from school has been a little like this. I think she had an inkling before I was engaged that my fiance was planning to propose as she more or less “warned” me not to marry him which was a little odd. She seemed happy enough for the relationship, but expressed unfounded concern that I didn’t understand.
When I texted her to tell her I was engaged she didn’t say anything and I’ve not heard from her since (we live a long way from each other now).
I sort of understand why though. She had been engaged a year before me but things didn’t work out and the relationship ended. So I think it’s just hurtful to her. I’m not saying I’ve done anything wrong to hurt her, and neither have you to your friend, but I think all we can do in these situations is just sit back, forgive them (forgiveness can be great in these circumstances) and understand their actions are due to the fact they are probably hurt but that it’s not our fault.
Maybe she’ll come round, maybe she won’t. You don’t need her around being negative that’s for sure, so perhaps stepping back from the relationship until it can be positive again is a good idea.
All the best, and remember this is not your fault and you have every right to be happy x
Post # 9
Jeez, what a crap friend, no offense! You’d do well to be rid of her, you don’t need someone like her acting like a jerk around what is supposed to be the best times of your life!
Post # 10
I am not exactly sure what part was the crappy friend part… her not being over the moon about the engagment? Because that might be a little harsh. But if she really has been being a crappy friend and you kept letting it slide.. I know exactly how that goes. Seriously.. we make excuses for these people and try to see their point of view for years before we realize that the relationship has been toxic all along. I have lost 2 really really close friends during this wedding planning deal. To be quite honest, I never knew that happy occasions could bring out so many skeletons from closets! it is important to just remember the good people that are in your life and remain to be in your life. One question.. does it feel like a load off of your shoulders? I totally felt this way after my friend purge lol! (and I felt somewhat guilty i felt that way)
Post # 11
I don’t really see how her reaction, or lack thereof, “ruined” your engagement happiness. Forget her! Really! I would definitely not let a Negative Nellie ruin my engagement. Trust me, I have had plenty of chances to succumb to people like that. It sucks that she’s been a friend for so long and now things are messed up, but that doesn’t have to affect your happiness about the wedding. If she’s been a bad friend for years, you are better off without her, anyway.
Post # 12
That is exactly right! I don’t hate her or anything like that, I guess I just resent her. lol But it is true about the weight being lifted off my shoulders. I just saw her over new years, and it actually felt good to be confident and strong with my decision. I will always miss the good times we had, but like you all have said, it does no good to have a toxic relationship. And just a side note, she didn’t reaally ruin my excitement for my engagement…I guess it just put a bit of a damper on it. Especially if you’re expecting your best friend to be the most supportive. But its ok, and life goes on! Best of luck to all you girls, and thank you all for your input, it really helps clear up my conscious!
Post # 13
Hmm, while I believe friends should be supportive, I guess I am wondering what your friend’s concerns were about your engagement. You mention age – are you really young? What other reasons? They may or may not be BS reasons, but maybe her not being excited was because she is actually worried and felt obligated to speak up.
Post # 14
Let me tell you how a best friend acts. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. Her and her ex broke up, so did me and hubs. Hubs and I got back together, she was happy. Years go by, hubs and I get engaged, she is my biggest cheerleader. She helped me more than anyone else during the wedding planning process, saved me thousands of dollars by designing all our paper products and making my bouquets, and even spent her own money on things for me. She has been my biggest support, even though she has been single the entire time, with just a couple of flings throughout. She has never once been bitter about my relationship (bitter about her situation yes, which I have helped as much as I can, but she has NEVER acted out towards us because of it). THAT is how a best friend acts
Post # 15
I don’t think her reaction should have any bearing on how excited you are for your engagement. Go one and be excited and don’t let her bitterness affect you in the slightest. She will only “ruin” it if you let her. Look at how excited everyone else was for you. Bask in that.
As far as her saying she doesn’t support you, that is the hurtful part. Is there a reason she would say this? Does she not like your fiance for some reason?
Also, forget about the ring thing. She obviously liked yours, but her having a similar one does not take away from the beauty of yours! Women all over the world have similar rings and they all lived. 🙂
Post # 16
She has made it clear she would rather be a bitter betty than be your friend. If you were best friends for over 12 years, she should not have acted this way.
Surround yourself with those that care, support, and love you.