Post # 1
What a bittersweet week. Monday morning I got on Facebook to post about what a great weekend it had been (I just got engaged!) but I saw that I had a message….it was from an old friend of a friend telling me that our friend had passed away.
About 11-12 years ago I took this girl in. I saw so much potential in her but she had such a horrible home life and really needed a space she could learn to be independent in. I was in a good place financially so I decided to offer her my guest room and hook her up with a job with me as a server in the restaurant I worked in. She really did well….worked hard, shared housework, and was just a pleasant person to live with. That goes a long way with me, because I haven’t met very many people I enjoy living with.
She had such a good heart, but very crappy self esteem and low self worth. She had an on and off again boyfriend who was extremely reckless and bad news for her. They had a tumultuous relationship and he was very toxic for her, but she really loved him and could not seem to separate totally from him.
About 5 years ago he passed away from a heroin overdose. We were all sad, but she was heartbroken. We kind of all saw it coming because he seemed to tempt fate a lot and be very self destructive. He pulled her down into some of his bad habits, but I thought they kind of died with him.
She has kept a job for 6 years and was in college finally and seemed to be doing so much better on the outside…but she had a secret life of addiction that she kept hidden to avoid disappointing everyone who tried to help her and wanted to see her make something of herself.
Last week her parents found her in her room at home…they weren’t sure how long she had been there, but they smelled something. She died of a heroin overdose too. What kills me is that she ALMOST made it. She was right there. She had so much going for her. She made it this far. Addiction is a disease.
Every morning and every night I think about my sweet friend April. I think about how I moved away and didn’t talk to her as much as I used to. I think about how we talked in May and I went to Houston to visit and w going to meet up with her but she flaked. Maybe I should have known then that something was up with her. I remember telling her about Portland and her talking about wanting to move up here to get away from bad influences….coulda, shoulda, woulda….there is nothing I can do now. I wish I could have saved her.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for you and your friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Post # 4
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s tough, but this is not your fault, and you couldn’t have done anything to have prevented this. You did more than most people would, and I am sure you made a positive impact on her life.
Post # 5
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. It must be incredibly hard but I am sure she was comforted throughout her whole life by having you as such a great support system. You were probably a great blessing to her in a life that was otherwise very hard and painful. We can only hope she is at peace now.
Post # 6
@Macsgirl14: Try not to blame yourself. Changes have to come from within – no one can force you. We are all accountable for our own actions and decisions and no one else can make these hard choices for us.
I am sorry for your friend and sorry for your loss but please remember that it is not your fault.
Post # 7
@Macsgirl14: Hugs. I am so sorry. There is not much you could have done to help her. I am an addict with 10 years clean. Please don’t feel like you should have done something. Unfortunatley, with addiction most of us never truly get well. It is just so sad that sometimes this is their only way to stop.
If you need to talk, PM me. I have a brother who is currently in this cycle. It is not easy to be one of the ones they leave behind. Again, I am so very sorry.
Post # 8
Sorry for your loss. Addiction is a disease. I grew up with two boys that lived on my street and watched them grow up. They both had addiction issues later on. The younger of the two passed away from a heroin overdose a few months ago, which makes me sick because I saw that little boy when he was so sweet and innocent in diapers. His passing turned his brothers life around, but i’m sure addiction will always be a part of him.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so easy to wonder what more we could have done, but remember that it truly is a disease. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all who knew your friend.
Post # 10
I guess I left this part out…I did drugs with her for 2 years before I got clean and tried to pull her out with me. I got clean and never looked back. I don’t necessarily blame myself but I wish i had been around in the end more 🙁 I miss her 🙁
Post # 11
@Macsgirl14: Please don’t blame yourself. Addiction grabs hold of a person so tight and ultimately, it has to be that person that pries himself/herself out of that situation. Congrats to you for having the strength to turn away. RIP April. Gone too soon.