(Closed) I love DH, but I can't have sex with him.

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 4
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you been to a doctor? That would be my first suggestion!!

Post # 5
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Soooo sorry you are going through this!I would definitely see a DR if I were you. Just wondering, what makes it painful? Are you wet enough? Is it painful inside? By your ovaries? Just wondering.. what kind of pain is it?

Post # 6
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Have you tried therapy? There are some women who produce emotional symptoms in the exact way you’re describing.

Post # 7
2894 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t worry. You haven’t exhausted all your options. The doctor is the next step and, honestly, given how much it is affecting you I’m surprised you haven’t seen one sooner. I’m sorry I can’t offer more than that but given the complicated nature of the situation it certainly sounds like you need a medical professional to look into the situation. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine it’s very upsetting. Hopefully your doctor will be able to offer a solution that will fix the problem. Hope things work out soon sweetie.

Post # 8
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree with what PP’s have said, but wanted to add that you are not alone. I’ve heard these sort of symptoms from other women. Just do a quick search on weddingbee and you will see your symptoms are not unheard of.

Post # 9
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You should go see the doctor just make sure everything is okay inside you.  If everything is okay, then you may want to try lubricant? 

Post # 10
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time I agree wIth PPs, you should go see a doctor.  I watched a true life episode where several women had the same problems and it was very difficult for them.  You should definitely talk with a doctor.  

Post # 11
11342 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I actually saw a wedding-related TV show that featured a woman who had what sounded like this same problem.  She and her husband sought counseling and medical advice, at first to no avail, and considered divorcing over this issue. Eventually, someone was able to offer them help, but I don’t recall any of the details. I may be mistaken, but I think this may have been on TLC at some point within the last year.

Post # 12
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Are you on birth control? (I know ou said you want to have children, but I don’t know if you mean now or in general.) I had similar problems when I was on hormonal BC and once I stopped, I was fine after my body readjusted… maybe like a month later I saw some improvements and by a few months later, I wanted to have sex all the freaking time.

Post # 13
46 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you may have vaginismus. This is a medical condition and can be treated! Please, please go see your gynecologist; she or he should be able to give you treatment options and possibly send you to a pelvic floor specialist. Best of luck.

Post # 14
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Go see your doctor!! And soon!  There could be many causes to painful intercourse, and some of them require medical attention!  It may seem embarassing to you, but this is not uncommon and your doctor will not think you are weird or crazy for having this problem!  It could be a number of things from Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, Ovarian Cysts, or problems with your ovaries or utuerus.  It could also be that there are no physical problems.  Either way I think it is important to see a physician to rule any of those things out!  You only have one vagina to take care of 🙂  

Post # 15
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Have you heard of a condition called vaginismus? I’m definitely not trying to diagnose you over the Internet or anything, but I’ve read a little bit about it and it sounds like what you described. A doctor will be able to help!

Post # 16
6328 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Painful sex can be caused by a multitude of things: eg sharp, stabbing, or cramping pains deep inside, particularly with deep penetration, can indicate endometriosis, ovarian cysts, or a pelvic infection; burning or stinging can be caused by infections inc thrush, or by an allergy to something you’re using (eg latex or lubricant; some women are even allerhic to semen), or by vaginal dryness; and a tight, stretching pain is often down to psychological issues inc. vaginismus. So the type of pain you experience will probably rule some of those in/out.

If I were you, I would first see your GP to rule out physical problems; the fact you get frequent UTIs could point to some kind of infection or allergy, so I’d want swabs done to rule out all infections, and also ask about allergies/see if you can have an allergy test.

Second, the tightness you experience when he attempts to enter again is probably psychological: if the sex has been painful, you will likely be involuntarily tensing, and you may also find that any natural lubricant dries up, making sex doubly painful. If there is a physical cause of the initial pain, then I would hope this would ease once that issue has been addressed; if all the pain is psychological, it’s harder to tackle but not impossible, and I would suggest seeing a sex therapist; they can give you exercises to build you up slowly, as well as counselling to address the cause of the problem.

But whatever you do, don’t suffer in silence. In the meantime, take the focus completely off penetrative sex: instead, focus on mutual masturbation, oral sex, massage etc; you can be intimiate and have fun without having full sex.

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