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I totally am with you; I have a friend who pulls this type of thing ALL the time. My FI is probably sick of hearing me b*tch about it.
UGH! I know how you feel! I'm having a destination wedding and have been engaged since June 09. I asked my bridesmaids right after we got engaged and all of them said that they would be honored. Cut to this year and one of my bridesmaids, that happens to be the mother of my flowergirl, says, "I think destination weddings are rude because it puts too many demands on the guests"...WHAT? THen why did you agree to be in my wedding? Not only that, why did you agree to have your daughter in my wedding? Its so freaking frustrating!
Exactly!!! My friend's Bridal Shower was in June and mine was in July. We BOTH told her to save her money and NOT fly up for the showers!! I would have rather her stay home and save the money!
She is soooo Eyeore-like ("woah is me") that I can't stand it right now! I don't know if I am jst being hyper-sensitive about it because I spent and ENTIRE weekend w/ her or what! She complianed that she didn't have a date all weeked (well, she was given the option of a guest), she complained that she was fat, She complained that her hair wouldn't stay "perfect".......
And let me say, that this was just the tip of the iceberg during my friend's wedding. "Sara" ended up storming out of the hotel after the wedding and driving home @ 3am semi-drunk still - a 2 hour ride. She's awesome....
ah my brideamid is the exact same way, she is always inviting me to lunch and then never has money!!! her father died last year and she was making us feel very bad that they had no money for rent and so on. so me and my friend evelyn held a yard sale both of us sunburned and dehydrated and she didnt even show up to help. well we went to the house gave her the money we rasied 575 dollard that day!!! well i went home got ready and went to Khols and low and behold whos at the register with an armful of clothes MY FRIEND !!!! well now that the wedding has rolled around she has no money for anything but yet she just bought 3 COACH PURSES at 225 each at dillards??? WTF honestly
@babebabe06 -- what good friends to hold a yard sale! I would have sent a nasty email asking for my money back - thats a lot of effort that obviously went unappreciated!
thats how i feel and we did it to show our love for her family in thier time of need and then for her to just blow it on clothing, and not clothing she needed as she has a closet full. i just think its ironic she always has her nails done , cuts her hair once a month but never has money. when we plan a lunch date i have to pick her up and pay so needless to say out last lunch date was 4 months ago as she decided to order the most expensive thing on the menu alaskan king crab while i had a cup of clam chowder and had to pay 36 dollars for her lunch??? i dont think so!!
I have a few friends like this. I think people like this are usually telling the truth about being broke because when they get some $ they make bad decisions. It is sad that some adults are incapable of taking care of their own finances. I have a friend who always said she couldn't wait to get married so she would have someone to help her control how she spends money and bail her out of debt. That guy is going to get more than he bargained for!
i think before you start dating we should be able to run credit checks lol!!! thank god my fiance and i have good credit and know how to budget and save. unlike my other friend who got married last month and to her surprise her now husband is 28 thousand in debt!!! how hoorible to start married life with that over your head
This chick sounds horrible, how is she still a friend? I would've asked for my money back the second I saw her at Kohls, stating that the money you worked so hard to raise was for her rent, not her purse fund. She clearly isn't hard up for cash.
What a leech.
I have an ex friend like that (ex because I couldn't handle the self-manufactured drama anymore.) She filed for bankruptcy and is always bitching that her and her husband can't pay their bills, yet they live in a huge house we've dubbed "the villa", her kids go to private school and they spend approximately 1,000 a month on wine and expensive dinners (I am NOT exaggerating that figure.) The law should really require an audit before allowing people to file for bankruptcy.
People like that seriously make my skin crawl.
ahh i hear you honestly and i sooo wanted to but i did it to be a good friend and i guess nect time i should make cntract stating what the purpoose of the money is for and have her signn it lol or next time i will just take the money and pay it myself!!!!!!
Oooo girl, don't even get me started. I have a friend who won't come to my bachelorette weekend because it will cost too much. Well, if you wouldn't buy a sweet tea and a latte EVERY SINGLE MORNING (she's that girl that likes the fact that Jose at McDonald's knows her name) and if you wouldn't eat out 4 times a week or more for dinner, YOU COULD COME. When she blames it on money and I see what she BLOWS her money on, it BLOWS my mind.
Ahhh, I hate people like that!!! My SIL is like that too! She's always saying how she never has any money and yet every other week, she's updating Facebook with pictures of her going out and partying at bars and clubs and stuff. And then she'll say "I'm so sorry Adira, but I'm broke and can't get you guys anything for Christmas" (which is totally fine if it's true), but then shows up and is like "check out my brand new outfit, blah blah blah." And NOW she's just hit up my husband for $800 to fix her car because god forbid she actually save some money herself for emergencies like that! UGH!
I can see both sides of the story here. I have been the roommate of the girl who didn't pay me for rent, but flew across country to go on vacation while I paid the rent and tried to figure out how to only eat $20 worth of food for the next two weeks.
And now, 10 years later, that ex roommate works for a govt contractor making big bucks. So she calls me to go to a concert and the tickets are $300 each! My response is "can't afford it, sorry." But the same week we bought about $2,000 worth of flooring and 5 new work shirts for DH. I am sure if she had seen us at Kohls buying his shirts she would have questioned our money management skills too! (In truth, I did not have that much money for concert tix. We had saved for the floor and DH took his work shirts out of his monthly "discretionary spending allowance", the same place my "lunch with the girls and new lipstick" come from.)
I agree with the poster who said that some people never have money because they spend any that they get. You may also have a friend who is living mostly off credit, which is why she can afford to go shopping, but doesn't have dollar bills to tip a bartender!
If you're living off credit you can't "afford to go shopping" unless it's for groceries or other essentials. Coach purses are not essentials.
Credit does not equal money, people! A credit card is not a paycheck!
@lezlers: I meant to put quotes around the "afford"! Meaning that is why she can purchase "stuff" but doesn't have actual cash.
I don't have any extra money right now and it's partly because we are trying to buy a house, but we also have an extreme eating habit. We don't go out partying or drinking, but we eat expensively. Every month we exceed our food budget (and I'm talking groceries, not fine dining eating out)... it's part of our lifestyle. I just don't think to cut back on food when I have a large expense coming up... I tell my sister I can't get my nails done or a friend I can't go shopping with her because I don't have the money. Luckily I do make enough money to do extra things when I need to, but it's only on an as-needed basis, like weddings and holidays and vacations.
I bet people who party a lot or go to bars drinking a lot, don't consider it excess spending like people who don't do, it's just the norm. Just like people who don't cook nice dinners everynight probably think I'm excessivly spending on dinner every night.
I'm not excusing people that mooch off of others, b/c that is just plain wrong, I definately don't do that. But I do opt out of some things b/c I can't afford it, even though if I didn't eat that fish for dinner tonight and that steak tomorrow night, I probably could. Food for though...
yea ur FI should find a nice way to say no.. i had a friend who ALWAYS did this.. i liked her alot but it really disgusted me the way she wouls ask for money in a pityful way but then constantly be spending money on other luxury items
My fiance's friend does this all the time... he complains and complains that he's broke and doesn't have any money for rent/or his car payment, but then he blows all of this money on beer, bars, and scratch tickets. Real smart.
I totally understand where you girls are coming from! My sister told me she was having a hard time affording the $140 bridesmaid dress I selected, but she gets coffee every day from Starbucks, has drinks with the girls several times a week, eats out at nice restaurants as though they are fast food restaurants, and goes on trips all the time. If someone genuinely needs help or is concerned about money, I understand, but c'mon!
I've had a similiar situation. One of my bridesmaids loves to party and drink. She took a couple vacations this year and spent a ton of money on booze. At the beginning she asked me to help her with the deposit on her dress...Of course I did. Now, after all her partying and traveling, she is asking me to help pay for the balance of her dress $87. I hate the situation I'm put in. I really really don't have the money and am counting my pennies. Although, I don't want her to not show up b/c of money. ugh.
@mcnetn3:Good point. One of my bridesmaids complains to me about not having money, and I make WAY less than she does. Sometimes I want to tell her "well, don't go to Starbucks, ride your bike instead of driving your car, shop at Goodwill instead of the mall, etc" We all have different ideas of what the "minimum" is. I'd be annoyed if someone wanted me to cut out a hobby of mine in order to pay for things to be in their wedding.
Does it bug me she doesn't want to pay for her manicure even though she regularly gets pedicures? Sure. The truth is little expenses add up, whether or not we like to admit it. Some people recognize that, others don't.
Good point. One of my bridesmaids complains to me about not having money, and I make WAY less than she does. Sometimes I want to tell her "well, don't go to Starbucks, ride your bike instead of driving your car, shop at Goodwill instead of the mall, etc" We all have different ideas of what the "minimum" is. I'd be annoyed if someone wanted me to cut out a hobby of mine in order to pay for things to be in their wedding.
I think there's a bit of a difference here. I wouldn't ever ask someone to forgo use of their car, to buy secondhand clothes and to stop drinking coffee to be in my wedding, that's a little excessive. Those are considered by many to be basic necessities.
Refusing to pay for anything wedding related while blowing hundreds of dollars every week on purses, fancy dinners and booze is another thing, though.
Yeah I agree. If I were in someones wedding and knew $ was tight, I would keep my trap shut all weekend about not having enough $ but you totally wouldn't see me at the bar unless I was drinking water and I would be first in line for the free contintnetal breakfast buffett at the hotel. My priority would be participating with the other girls and making the brides dreams come true.
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....spend the entire weekend buying booze but then say they can't afford to get their makeup done for the wedding and the bums $$ off of me!!!!
My friend, "Sara" (who is also in my wedding), and a bunch of us spent the weekend out of state to be in our friend's wedding. Sara had to fly in for the wedding and we all spent some major cash on the Bridal Shower/Bachelorette, gifts, bridesmaid dress, hotel, yadda yadda. Well the night before the wedding, Sarah sat in the bar w/ FI and I can bitched about how she didn't have enough money to get her makeup done for the wedding and that she was going to look stupid while we all had professional make up applications. FI offered her the $50 for the makeup - she said she didn't want her friends to "pity her". I DON'T PITY MY FRIENDS! So whatever.....
The next day at the salon she comes up to me and asks for the $ for the makeup. I agree to pay for her. After I paid, I told her she just needed to tip the girl. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said "well I don't have any money". Really? How did you just go buy Dinner last night, 5 beers during the rehearsal dinner, Dunkin Donuts in the AM, a damn King-size Twix bar.......and now you don't have $10 to tip the poor girl? SDhe reluctantly goes to the ATM machine and produces $20 - $10 for the girl's tip.
Skip to the the wedding. She is now hitting up my FI for $1 bills to tip the bartenders.............WTF?!?!?!?! He is not your personal ATM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My FI is too nice to say anything!
My problem is.....how did you have all this money to booze it up all weekend, but then mooch off of me? I won't have minded oaying had she been honestly broke! If I don't have $$, I cut back on my spending, don't go out to reat or hit up the bars. Yet - she seems to always have enough BAR money to go out.
Just venting about inconsiderate peeps.