- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I posted this as a reply to another topic, but would like to hear some thoughts from other bees…..
To start, my fiance and I have been together for over three years, it was love at first sight, absolutely never experienced a love like it before in my life. It was amazing, has been amazing. But recently, I feel a change.
We got engaged 09/01/2012, at that time we had been house hunting, and ended up closing on our home in Jan 2013. Since then, our relationship has changed. He’s working long days, sometimes nights, mostly 6 days, sometime 7 days a week. When he’s not at work, he’s doing work on the house. Which I appreciate, and love him for her. He’s extremely talented with wood work, brick work, anything! He built a deck for our home in the spring, over the summer, he worked on our yard, over the fall he build us a new fire place, and bar for our basement.
But relationship wise….. I feel very alone.
I feel we don’t spend any time together. We never have any intimate time, sometimes for as long as two months, and even at that I have to initiate. Which I have grown to resent him for this, and have spoken to him about. But nothing ever changes.
I should also mention, he had been engaged briefly before, which I’m ok with. We all have our pasts. But what bothers me, when we moved into our new home, I found a ring box, curious, I opened it, and there was a ring. With the center diamond missing. I have added 2 and 2, and concluded, my engagement ring has her stone in it. I hate that. I also seen how much he spent on it, and it bothers me that he didn’t spend a little more. That may sound materialistic, and I know it is. Truth is, I wasn’t feeling like this until last week, his friend who plans to propose on NYE was discussing the ring he is getting for his girl, its valued at more twice mine. My SO’s brother was also there, and they were all looking at my ring, comparing, and turns out, mine is the smallest. I just feel shorted.
My SO does have some debt, and other properties that drains his finances, which is why he has to work so much. I pretty much pay all our bills for our home while he pays his other bills, two rental properties, that I would if he would sell, just the market is horrible. Also, when we bought this house, we ended up owing $30k on taxes, which we are now trying to pay someback monthly, paying $300 a month, but dealing with a monthly penalty from the IRS for $268 per month, how do they really expect to pay that back? It’s just been a really stressful year.
I also hate that he is soooooooo close with this brother. Don’t get me wrong, family is very important to me, but I think its wrong to feel like they are closer than I will ever be to him?
He has habits that bother the crap out of me, talking while his mouth is full, not brushing his teeth before hopping into bed….. Growing a horrible beard….
He just irritates me recently.
I hear that the first year of marraige is the hardest. And I’m wondering, if because we have the house now, and are going through all of these financial adjustments, and stresses, the fact he’s working so much, that if that is why I feel like this? even though we are not married yet, and won’t be until summer 2014?
I have been feeling very emotional, depressed, crying allot, not really seeing friends or family very often, and maybe drinking too much too, as it just seems to numb things for me. I don’t feel like I can talk to him or anyone about this. I’m trying to help myself, and getting there. slowly.
I love him, we will get through this.