I love my FI but…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’ve gone through several of your threads dealing with this person. Yes, she’s awful. On the other hand, you have a clear track record of losing your temper around her, comparing her to relatives she hates, etc. It’s obviously doing no good, only fanning the flames between the two of you, etc. I don’t understand why, as soon as you felt your temper going, you wouldn’t just walk out the door in silence.

Not inviting her to the wedding and breaking contact would be obvious. But, that’s obviously something your fiance has to be on board with – or if he chooses to keep her in his life, it’s with the full knowledge that she will not be in yours (or any future children). 

 

Post # 5
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How does your FI feel? If your marriage is going to work out, he has to step in and stand up to his mother. She cannot be allowed to get in your face like that. He has to be on board with you cutting her out of your life. If he’s not on board, that’s going to cause a lot of resentment (both ways) down the road.

It sounds like she’s a toxic woman. Toxic people have no place in your life. Don’t visit FI at home anymore. If you must see him at home, don’t ever go when FMIL is due to be around. Unfortunately, her house, her rules.

Post # 6
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whoa. Take a deep breath. You’ve got a whole lot  pent up anger with this lady. You need some space. But it’s a pretty big jump to not have her at the wedding. You’ve still got months before the wedding. Just give it some time to cool off and see what happens. There’sa whole world between hanging out on a regular basis and compltely cutting someone out of your life. If she’sso toxic, take a step back, but don’t jump to never wanting to see her again. That would be so hard for your fiance. Don’t put him in that position.

Edit: Wait, your fiance is stil living with his mother? That’s the problem! Your guy needs to move out. There is an age at which it becomes difficult for children to continue living with their parents. And if they keep trying it gets tense and bad. So yes, he needs to move out. But you don’t need to never see her again. These relationships ususally greatly improve when the kid oves out. Why not just spend time with your fiance at your place for awhile until things calm down? And help him look for a place of his own!

Post # 7
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Be the bigger person and ignore her. By yelling and screaming back at her, you’re just as bad. Bite your tongue, don’t visit her, let FI go alone and don’t complain when he does visit her. Don’t talk about her. Just let it go.

Edit: Don’t spend time with your fiance at his house. Spend it at yours, at a cafe, at a park wherever.

 

Post # 9
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I come from a family with crazy people in it. My fiance and I have been together enarly 4 years and he has yet to meet my father or his wife. We rarely spend time with any member of my family. It is for a good reason! It is to keep the crazy as far away as possible!

Might be a good idea to speak with your fiance in regards to the establishment of boundaries. And decide on your own. And stick to them! If it doesn’t seem work, know that is going to be the way it is going to be, and decide if you are okay or not okay with accepting that.

If you are living with her, DON’T!

Post # 10
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

She’s had you arrested and your FI still lives with her? You still go to her house? What were you arrested for?

Post # 11
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is obvious that the only way your relationship with your FI is going to work is if you can avoid his mother completely. Is that even possible? If so and your FI is fine with that then the answer is quite simple – do NOT go to her home at all and do NOT allow her to have any input your life in any form or fashion. You should not have to deal with bat-shit crazy drama!

Post # 12
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This sounds like a huge mess, have you gone to see a therapist for your anger? You can’t do ANYTHING about her, but you can improve yourself. Yes your FMIL is nuts, but you can’t loose your temper like that. If you set an example of how to act when you are around her it will show your FI she is the whole problem. Chances are if you tear your FI away from his mother, you guys are going to have a lot of problems. Make sure he is on board if you choose to cut her out of your life.

Post # 13
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jbbs1222:  I had to read the other boards, but this is a horrible situation. I would totally distance yourself from this woman. Unfortunately she hates you and the arguments tend to escalate out of control. You should be fearful that they will become more physically abusive, or will have even more police intervention.  It is her house, so I would respect that and your distance from this evil woman. If your FI wants to see you or hang out, he should plan to visit you are your house. His house is too toxic.

Post # 14
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@jbbs1222:  Maybe there’s some underlying issue? I dunno. I have issues with my FMIL, too. Mainly due to being brought up differently. Anyway, good luck!

 

Post # 16
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No, I was honestly trying to figure it out. I have FMIL issues, too.

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