I love my husband but hate sharing a bed!

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am a deep sleeper but if I am woken before I am fully asleep, I will struggle the rest of the night so I need complete silence to fall asleep and once I’m there, you could throw something at me and I can sleep through it! So I’m quite the opposite of you! =o)

I would say that if you and your husband are both OK with it, then sleep in another bed… every marriage is different. But I have heard that after some time, it can turn into an issue in the relationship and causes a lot of distance.

Maybe get two twin bed and put them close together- that way you won’t feel him tossing and turning? I guess that could get expensive since yall just got the king size.

Also- have you tried different pillows for him? My husband will sometimes fall asleep with two pillows or with his head ever so slightly propped up (when he falls asleep while watching tv) and he will snore. So I urge him not to sleep with two pillows and if I see that his head is not level, I shift it a little for him before I go to sleep so he doesn’t start snoring.

Good luck!

Post # 3
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Would sticking a body pillow between the two of you help?  You could also try some white noise or soft music.

Post # 4
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

ChocolateLime:  We sleep in separate rooms for the same reason. “Cuddle time” right before going to sleep and then off to my room for peace and quiet. I love it!

Post # 5
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

ChocolateLime:  Some couples are like this. No, you’re not alone!

Sometimes I snore and my DH goes to the spare bedroom. 

I can sleep through anything so if he ever snores, I’m not aware of it.

My sister and her DH have had many ups and downs over the years with his snoring. My sister is a very light sleeper and she has often had to sleep in their guest room when her DH starts sawing logs.

As long as you always have a spare bed where you can go for peace and quiet, you should be fine. 

Post # 8
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ChocolateLime:  Has your husband been tested for any disorders like sleep apnea which could be causing his symptoms?

Post # 10
10 posts

I sleep with earplugs in, I understand your pain. I am also not a very big cuddler, I like the touchy feely stuff before you go to bed, but when it is time for sleep, I really do need my space otherwise I am going to go crazy. I hope that you find something that works for you 🙂

Post # 11
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

ChocolateLime:  I know this seems extreme- but have you considered a non-habit forming type of sleep aid?

My husband is a relatively quiet sleeper- meaning he’s quiet- unless he’s sleeping in a very certain position, he will have a light snore.  That doesn’t happen often, and when it does, I just nudge him and tell him to stop snoring.

The older I have gotten, the less soundly I sleep.  I would say it started when I was pregnant- about seven years ago.  And I haven’t slept through the night since then (unless you count falling asleep at 3am and waking between 7 and 9am as sleeping throught the night- because I used to work until late at night, so that would happen occasioanally).  

I don’t know if it’s because I am a mom, or because I just don’t sleep as well. I usually take a natural melatonin supplement and it works.  I found one- that if I do wake during the night, I can take another gummy and it doesn’t leave me tired or groggy at all in the morning.  It doesn’t knock me out, but it gets me relaxed enough to fall asleep.

An even better option- which I only came across since I am pregnant again- is Unisom.  I got it for nausea and took it at night.  It was actually created as an anti-nausea, but then marketed as a sleep-aid because it it made people drowsy.  I take 25mg/night and again- it doesn’t knock me out, but makes me sleep enough.  It even makes me just sleep enough that when I get up 6x/night to pee, I can usually fall asleep pretty OK again.

I have a friend who’s (ex) husband used to snore horribly- so she took to sleep aids and ear plugs to help her sleep.  She’s a very sensitive sleeper, too- and I know it worked- for at least awhile.  I’m pretty sure ended up in thier extra room, but I believe that was more from marital issues than the sleep problem.

Or, you can just stick to sleeping in separate beds/rooms.  It’s not an arrangement I would like- and I do wonder if it will cause any harm to the relationship down the road.  There’s something about waking up next to my husband (which rarely happens because he works at 4am!) that I really like.  I also like falling asleep next to him- though at the moment I prefer a little more space with my belly.

We have resorted to having separate blankets right now- because I am pregnant and move quite a bit and was managing to steal all the blankets and he’d be cold LOL.  

Post # 12
3095 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ChocolateLime:  What type of mattress do you have? FI and I invested in a memory foam topper, and now he can have a fit in bed and it won’t wake me. I’m with you, though: Love my FI more than anything, like him sleeping in the same bed as me, but far, far away. He radiates heat and will sweat or cause me to sweat, he’s bony, etc. I simply do not like to sleep next to him. We will cuddle before bed, but once the lights are off, I’m all business. He goes on his side, I go on mine and we fall asleep. 

Post # 13
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I use a box fan. I am super sensitive to noises, especially when trying to sleep. A box fan turned to level 2 makes such a difference. (I face it towards the wall so it isn’t blowing on me.) I don’t have kids tho, so hearing a baby is not an issue for me. Maybe you could use a white noise machine and put a monitor right next to your pillow? 

Post # 14
349 posts
Helper bee

This is not crazy. I WISH I could do the same! We live in a small apartment so we have a double bed and it might as well be a twin, I never sleep well and fortunately my SO is not offended by my desire to sleep separately. We invested in a very comfy couch that I often sleep on after cuddle times. I hope one day I’ll get my “own” room!

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