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I'm afraid of sharing my opinion on the boards sometimes. I love the community here but I often feel like there is a mainstream opinion and people that express different opinions are judged.... I'm not trying to stear controversy but wanted to have other inputs on that subject.
I've found on here that every opinion whether its the more popular one or not is always well received....i haven't seen anything too controversial yet! Ive heard other sites are horrible!
Hmm. Of the wedding boards that I have seen, Weddingbee is the most accepting of diverse opinions. It's ok to think differently than the rest and you won't get ripped to shreds for having your own thoughts like you will elsewhere online.
I understand where you're coming from. I sometimes feel like there are predetermined opinions on most issues and 99% of posters stick to those. At the same time, I think a well-reasoned post expressing a differing opinion usually won't be judged. That usually only happens when people get really emotional or snarky in their posts.
I totally agree with you and I really appreciate weddingbee for having a real positive outlook. I restrain myself from posting sometimes because I know my opinion might differ from the norm...(on certain subject)
I think it's fair to say that people are not always given the warmest response when they express opinions that put others down. But I haven't seen anyone get bashed for simply disagreeing. I think, for an online message board, this is actually a remarkably accepting community.
I think dissent is awesome (well, in places like this where everyone is brainstorming/looking for opinions)...please post more of your 'controversial' opinions! I'd love to hear! :D
I agree with leelee and Selene ... everything (whether a popular opinion or not) seems to be very well received around here. I was just commenting to FI how when people disagree on here, it's almost always done so respectfully. I love that!
i just try not to say anything too contriversial. there are a few opinions i dont share, but i keep that to myself to keep the peace :)
The reason I love this site is because I DO feel free to express myself, and everyone should!
The immigrant bride, I am sad you don't feel that way :(
I say go for it, say what's on your mind regardless. It's a semi-anonymous community (100% anonymous if you choose to stay that way!) so I say you don't have anything to lose.
Ignore those that make snide comments if that were to happen.
I really feel accepted here:) My point was only that I keep a lot of opinions to myself and I was wondering if other felt the same way.
I have been here quite a while and seen some real conflicts arise. The level of decorum maintained continues to impress me. That said, I think there are some issues that are so inherently contentious that you are never going to resolve them or change someone's mind on an Internet forum. So it becomes a matter of whether you want to put your two cents out there for their own sake. Whatever your opinions are, I feel certain that there are others in the community who share them---it just can be hard to come out of the woodwork when you feel like you are the only one (as you know). I hope that you continue to feel welcomed on weddingbee. Please pm me or any of the hostesses if you want to talk in more detail.
@The immigrant bride....I DO sometimes choose not to comment on certain posts, mostly b/c I couldn't think of way to express my opposing view without the perception of snarkiness. Those topics have been few and far between though.
Which issues did you feel like a dissenting opinion would be looked down on? I'm really, really sorry you feel that way and I'm sure that if you stick around long enough, you'll see that us bees all have different styles, attitudes, ways of life, etc! I've heard (never experienced it myself) that other boards are much, much worse than we are- I'm really sad that someone gave you the impression that we have a cohesive ideal of our weddings! We try to be really welcoming and open... stick around!
I think that there are times when your opinion may be very different than the mainstream, but as long as your post isn't insulting those who don't agree with you, your opinion won't be judged or anything here. We are very careful to protect our members, and snarky commenters are usually very quickly rebutted. And the great thing about WB is even though you may think you're the only one with that idea, there are probably lots of girls who would comment on your post saying they agree!
I think that you should feel free to (politely) state your opinions here. As long as you are respectful in stating them, generally people take them in that manner - and if they don't, well, I think they should grow a thicker skin!
Nobody ever said anything to me :) I was just curious to know if a lot of people were putting the break on commenting sometime.
WB has a great community. Even if you post dissenting opinions and people argue, it will almost always be civil disagreement. I figure that no one disagreeing with me would drive me away, and I'm careful about issues I feel strongly about. After being burnt (I said something about living together before marriage a few months ago and got huuuuuuuuuge backlash for it) it's tempting to just walk away, but...meh. This is a forum. Life moves on. Water under the bridge. :)
i understand your opinion definitely, but I do hope that no one has hurt your feelings or said anything improper. this community is full of differing opinions and that's what makes it so great. we don't climb down each others throats nor do we make snarky remarks. that is definitely not tolerated here, and i honestly think that most of the members take pride in the fact that your opinion can be stated without retaliation. now some subjects strike nerves more than others (but they are the same hot topics in real life so to speak): waiting bees (i think i started a huge controversy lol), same sex marriages, religion, cohabitation, and the like. but i have seen each and every person remain respectful of others views. you are definitely entitled to your opinion and if you were offended i am almost 100 percent sure that the offending person meant nothing by it and perhaps it was misconstrued.
As long as everyone is poliet (not snarky) about posting differing opinions, I've always seen them really well recieved. Many of us may share the same taste, but that doesn't mean we don't have differing opinions. I am sorry you feel that you can't postthem.
=( Stick around, though. You may just find out what we mean.
I reread your post, and I agree with you. There are times when I refrain from posting on WB because I know my opinion doesn't follow the mainstream. Mostly I just try not to rain on others' parades.
I'm usually of a differing opinion than most on a good majority of topics. I know that from life too though and I'm pretty much used to the fact that I don't suscribe to majority opinion on many (esp. controversial) topics.
I do find, that there are boards where I AM free to discuss it here. Sometimes things come up and I have to bite my tongue, but I've also never been publicly or privately criticized on here.
I agree with everyone else here... our "core" members who stick around tend to be very well-receptive of any dissenting opinion that's stated with respect and not snarky or snide. I think it's pretty boring when we all agree on everything. :)
I don't think you can take things too seriously on here. Just go on and express your opinions (without being rude of course). I mean, it's a wedding board, not life or death. You will offend some people sometimes, just like in real life! People's thoughts and opinions are bound to be different. I don't take a lot of stuff on here too seriously-- in fact, sometimes when "arguments" start up on here, it's pretty comical/entertaining. I think your opinion will always be respected as long as you're not outrightly offensive.
i know how you feel... thats how i felt when i started posting while my taste are very weird and my wedding is not the traditional white wedding. but i keep posting and found a small group of bees that had help me a lot in my decisions. i know i can be frustrating when you like something but when you posted people dont comment or dont seem so excited.... keep posting!!! not everybody is the same and believe me... there are weird BEES here that love different things and by my experience weddingbee is more friendly than any other wedding website
good luck and ignore the haters... you will find them everywhere!!!
I think a lot of it has to do with 1) how it's expressed and 2) where it's expressed. For example, if someone posts a thread about their dress, and you hate it, I agree that it would be best not to post on their thread and say something like, "wow, I'm glad you found a dress that you love, but I could never love that dress - it's so freaking ugly!"
But if you have a thought or idea to share, I don't see anything wrong with creating a thread to share it in an appropriate way. Like all of life, if your initial statement is one that attacks, you'll probably get negative feedback, but if it's your opinion and you word it well, I don't think the vast majority of the WB community would come down on you for it.
I think the reason you may see a "mainstreme" opinion here is because that is how the wedding industry is. The wedding industry has told girls, and girls have accepted that a wedding is supposed to go a certain way. You are supposed to buy a big fancy expensive dress, you FI has to give you a big sparkly ring etc etc. So, when a comment comes that is non-traditional or non-mainstreme you probably are going to get 10 replies that say those Bees want the traditional mainstreme, while you may get 1 or 2 replies that agree with the non-traditional/non-mainstreme point of view. I think its the nature of the beast.
I see what the OP is saying - there are some threads where everyone is going rah-rah over something, that it just isn't worth posting a dissenting opinion. So yes I often don't post, but just because it seems like there is no point!
I also think that people tend to be very sensitive around choices that are personal to them. For many brides (myself included!) the dress, e-ring, wedding details, etc. are all personal choices and so any words against those choices feels like a personal attack. I think that can lead to people biting their tongues instead of giving a more blunt/honest opinion. I know I"ve done that so as to not hurt someone's feelings.
With NWR/controversial stuff, I think that the community tends to be pretty open minded and diverse, with a good range of opinions represented.
I agree with what you're saying. 
Sometimes I feel people try TOO hard to be nice...it almost becomes fake. Come on, we're not all that nice in real life.
But on the other hand...it does remind ME to not say anything if I don't have anything nice to say. And for me, if I don't really mean something (just because everyone else is going rah -rah that looks awesome you look awesome etc etc) then I just don't say anything. Know what I mean?
And when I do. I really mean it.
@Caszos: Hmm, I actually find the opposite in the Hive. Many of us our nontraditional (deciding on proposals and rings together, helping pay for our ring, wearing short dresses, planning our weddings in DIY ways, and generally bunking tradition.) I've seen nothing but support for Bees looking to go a different way - in fact, I remember a post about a girl who did not feel comfortable getting married in a white or sleeveless dress. She wanted something black with sleeves that made her feel beautiful - the thread got really long, and not a single comment said "I can't believe you don't want a long white dress" they all said things like, "oh, I found this dress that I think you'll like! I'm sorry your FMIL is giving you a hard time, you should feel beautiful on your wedding day."
In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say I have never seen a post where a bee put something wedding-related out there that they were excited about, and were blatantly shot down. If they ask for opinions they get them, but we don't rain on each others' parades, and we're certainly a non-traditional bunch, even if a lot of us may look forward to wearing long white dresses. :)
@Gerbera - I totally agree! Its like sometimes everyone is being Paula Abdul, when we really need a Simon Cowell to come along and say the truth :)
@ Gerbera and Jenna: That's what I meant!!
I have felt this way because of my political beliefs. I've conservative and I feel that most people on here are liberal (or most VOCAL people on here are). After seeing a post about "any liberal feminist brides" or something like that, I started one for conservative young brides. NO conservatives or non feminists (? I guess?) commented on the first post but my post got a lot from people saying "well I'm extremely liberal but..." and some were sort of argumentative (some were just for the sake of discussion though). I feel like I just avoid political anything now because I feel that being a young conservative bride makes me "uncool" among the majority aka the more liberal posters here.
I just needed to add my 2 cents worth-I LOVE weddingbee, don't misunderstand that, but at the same time I've never felt totally welcome here. Not sure why, I wish I could pinpoint it but it's just a general sense of unwelcome-ness. I hear about all of these women on the boards who chat outside of WB and make connections and I guess I've never felt that way or recieved that kind of reception on here. I'll keep coming back but I agree that I probably won't be posting much on the boards anymore.
Whoops, kjpgus, I'm definitely guilty of commenting on your thread even though I'm more liberal. 
I don't think what I said was offensive or anything, but I do feel bad... I really didn't mean it to be a self-righteous thing, I just find threads that are unique or not brought up often interesting, and I have a big mouth so I tend to comment even when it's not directed at me. I think I put the "I'm liberal but" more of as a disclaimer... like "it's okay if you don't want to listen to me, I know I probably shouldn't be posting here."
I feel like when people post dissenting opinions there can definitely be some people who are snarky/rude about it, but that's usually the exception rather than the rule. And most times when I've seen people be rude to others, there are at least 3 or 4 people for that one who are supporting the person who posted a differing opinion.
I also think that it's really easy to misconstrue what others say since tone isn't really translated over the internet - I have seen a lot of times where people are offended or hurt by something that someone else said that wasn't intended to be rude at all. Sometimes it's just hard to read sarcasm/tone!
LOL @lilyfaith don't worry you don't fit into the rude or argumentative category.
I think overall just the massive non-conservative response just showed me that WB is mostly liberal (and hey, younger people ARE, percentage wise, more liberal) but I feel like a lot of ppl don't say proudly "I'm a conservative" (I have had a few ppl MESSAGE me about being conservative too but they won't post it.) and having liberals comment on my posting (while NO conservatives commented on the liberal one) just proved the point that I'm outnumbered :)
My FI thinks I didn't get chosen to blog for the 'bee because I put my political affiliations out there. I'm not into the go-green stuff and while I have many gay friends and support them I'm not out there crusading for gay marriage... aka the opposite of, OH, almost every Bee.
Thanks everyone for all of you answers!!!
There have been times I felt this way too, and that I would like to give my 2 cents or whatnot (respectfully of course) but I know that, because I have way different views on certain things than the majority, sometimes it would be miscontstrued as an attack on someone's personal preferences & or lifestyle. Then again, I have read posts on here directly aimed at certain opinions that I might have myself, BUT once again, so as not to stir the pot, I stay silent.
Most of the time I just talk & comment on lighthearted and more superficial things.
I stay out of the "no fly zone" so as not to start a war ;)
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