Post # 1
So my FI and I come from large families with aunts,uncles,cousinswe grew up with but have not been as close to as we’ve grown up. As we’re planning this wedding, we realise that our budget cant take in half of our families. I have a select few of my family that I want to invite, but I also dont want to offend anyone and generate bad blood.
Suggestions for ways around this problem?
Post # 3
IMO your wedding invite who you want. We have a simillar situation as FI has a HUGE family (mom and dad side plus remarriage) and we’re only inviting a few ppl.. I figure if you don’t bother with him 99% of the time why pretend one day that you are suddenly so involved? Just my opinon but we’ve also had issues which may explain my bitterness.
Post # 4
We both have a HUGE families. He has a total of 15 aunts and uncles with over 30 adult cousins + partners + kids + some grandkids. I have a total of 10 aunts and uncles with over 40 adult cousins + patners + kids + grandkids + one great grand child! Family alone, if we invited everyone, we’d be at around 450. We only want 150-170.
So, we are cutting out the majority of his mom’s side because of family drama (easy cut). Only his aunts and uncles will be invited. His dad’s side will just be aunts/uncles and adult cousins + MARRIED or ENGAGED partners. Mine will be cutting out a lot of my Italian paternal side that I never see and then aunts/uncles and adult cousins + partners from my maternal side. As for friends, we are limiting it down to 10 friends, no partners.
So, no kids, no unmarried partners, and no distant relatives will save us around 250 people.
Post # 5
People will always be offended that they didn’t get an invite, even if they aren’t justified in being offended. Just invite who you want, if anyone asks you, you wanted an intimate wedding, just very close friends and family.
Post # 6
The way I figured it since you barely speak or see this people who cares if they are upset.
I have big familys and am inviting only those I speak too, see frequently. My parents aren’t to happy about it, but I’m not about to cut my friends who are always there whom I see on a frequent basis for people who other then at funerals and weddings I never see them.
Post # 7
i think its better to make blanket rules eg no cousins, no children etc, rather than picking and choosing in a “i want this uncle but not that one” sort of way
people are more likely to get offended if you only choose a few that you like most
Post # 8
This is always a tough situation. Dont’ invite anyone if you really cannot accommodate them or WANT them at your wedding, because they might accept!
on the other hand, we invited all my partner’s aunts and uncles, who live on the other side of the country, out of family courtesy. 6 out of 8 declined. And 3 out of those 6 declines, still send cards with big checks in them as a gift. My jaw hit the floor when we were opening up our cards, I couldn’t believe the generosity.
so I guess what I’m suggesting is, be selective, and know your limits, but a few courtesy invites could work in your favour.
Post # 9
@SKyAlex: There is no etiquette rule saying that you have to invite ANYONE other then social units must be invited together.
There is no reason you have to invite people by “level”, though some people find this easier.
I invited 1/2 of each of my parents siblings, and 1/4 of their children. I invited based on who I was closest to. Closeness is a better rule in my opinion then “all cousins”, “people over 12” or “Family only”.
Post # 10
You shouldnt feel bad about inviting who you want To invite. people will always have a problem with your descions.
I also have a large family (dad has 8 siblings and mom has 5) but I’m not inviting most of them because we’re not close. I am inviting a small handful of those that have been a part of my life in a positive way. Recently I lost two family members that I was close to as well, A grandparent and an aunt. im close to their children so their getting invited As well as a couple cousins and aunts and uncles. FI’s family doesn’t talk to other family members so that helps with keeping the numbers down. No children except for the two in the wedding party (Their siblings).
the plus one thing can get tricky and not to mention expensive so the general rule we have about the guest list +1 is if we both don’t know them, they’re not invited. most of our friends and family know each other one way or another so no one will feel lonely.
Post # 11
Invite who you want and say that you wanted something intimate if anyone asks.
I have a huge family too, but I happen to know that many of my extended family does not wish me well. I refused to bow to the pressure my mother was putting on me to invite everyone and have nearly 200 people. My husband and I don’t like big gatherings, which is why our vow renewal will be very small.
Those who want to force a big wedding on you can pay for it!
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
I am so glad that the only way we would be in that situation is if we were to have our wedding in Hawaii (where he is from and where his dad’s side of the wedding is living – with four uncles it adds up to a lot of cousins – only one would be able to make it up, possibly). My friend that is getting married, they cut it off at first cousins, so none of their kids. Big French Canadian family – I think his family list is around the 70-100 mark (all very close). They are doing something in China for her side, I believe, because her own family would be massive. You just need to cut it off at some point or it will get out of hand. Weddings are funny because the majority of people get really touchy about one thing or another. I wouldn’t worry about it and if anyone asks just explain you have limited space and budget (people are amazingly okay with that) – and make sure you continue to use that explanation. Tell your parents to tell anyone that is concerned that reason (people funnily do not always go directly to the source to ask) – word spreads around.