- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I’m sorry in advance if this is long. I recently married the one love of my life forty three years after we first met, separated by bad marriages and reunited. In the past year and a half I have:
Left my ex husband and lived alone for the first time in my life.
Dealt with my family who supported my controlling, abusive, cheating ex husband.
Was forced to give up my nursing career due to my muscle/ neuro disease. I held on a long as I could.
Divorced my husband.
Re-established relationship with my only love.
Moved to MD after living in PA all my life.
Our home is in-law quarters with my step son and family. My husband is happy with the arrangement.
My sister was severely ill so I spent ten weeks backs in PA helping with her care.
This is what I feel:
Our apartment is small. I feel stir crazy and not entirely comfortable not in our own home though we have as much privacy as we want.
I don’t know what my purpose in life is. I’ve been a nurse for 45 years and now I’m on disability and I feel lost.
I feel like we just found each other, had plans and the rug was pulled out from under me physically. My disease has no cure. Walking is much more difficult and medically we are at a standstill. Oh and since I can’t get around well, I am gaining weight. Aghhh.
I’ve been feeling more withdrawn and fond it harder to be in social situations since I’m not around people anymore. I am struggling to find motivation to fix this. YES I am on meds for lifelong depression from my awful marriage.
Today, I had my hair colored and highlighted. The highlights are really light. I came home to find I missed the mailman for my convertible dress for vow renewal in Jamaica. So……..my husband walks in, takes one look at the expression on my face and laughs. He is the most sensitive man I have ever met. He wasn’t laughing at my hair, he was laughing at my expression. I, of course, DID NOT see it that way. I eventually went to bed, had a crying jag, through the Kleenex box. My husband came in and we talked a long time. He knew most of my issues, he just thinks he has to fix them.
Now I feel like a crazy person and he feels awful.