- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I’m feeling some major holiday regret here bees. I am the worst 🙁 just when I was finally becoming the ‘good’ and ‘adult’ child, I go and pull this crap. I’m pretty sure I hurt my moms feelings and on Christmas Day to boot.
Backstory (this is a long one, without it the Christmas blowout makes no sense)
My mom is a good person. Like, a really really good person. She puts so much of her heart an her life into sacrificing for other peoples well being. Her intentions are always good as gold. She will feed anyone, give her shoulder to anyone and would literally give you her shirt if you had none because she knows she has more at home and if you dont, she would more than willingly Do that for you.
But before you go getting ideas of an angel like mom, let me assure you, it wasn’t like that. She has changed (a lot) through the course of my life. She was harsh, strict and brutal when I was a kid. High control and demands, low nurture. We had some pretty serious issues by te time I was old enough to really not appreciate her parenting style (like 10 or so) I moved in with my dad when I was fifteen and my mom and I (slowly) repaired our very wounded relationship.
Nowadays, we are okay (mostly) I am an adult and I haven’t lived at home for almost ten years so we find our ways to get along. Not living with each other really helps. We’re very muh mother and daughter by we’re also very different still. As much as her intentions are good, she lives her life in a state of stress and anger and that’s not for me. A lot of yelling happens in their household.
Everything would be manageable except for my wonderful little brother. Ah 19 year olds. He’s mouthy, rude, has no respect for anyone’s stuff, has wrecked or crashed almost every vehicles they owned (except the pick up. that was me. And lightning so not my fault haha) and is just generally miserable and plain old sucks to be around. I’m sorry to say it, it breaks my heart, but it’s totally true.
And my mom and suddenly gone from this high demands low nurture style to absolutely no demands and she coddles him and defends him every which way you turn. I cannot handle his attitude. And when he goes too far, i say something an she sticks up for him. She just ignores his ‘tude because it’s easier than addressing it. As a result, his attitude has gotten considerably worse. It’s brutal.
But if you can’t beat’em join’em right? So I have been trying. So very hard. I try to ignore it, let it slide and not worry about it. I will admit, I have gotten better at it. If it’s too much, I just remove myself from the situation. I’m tired of being the one he hates because I’m the only one who tells him the truth. And I’m tired of my mom getting mad at me for telling the truth, so I have mostly shut up about it completely.
Until Christmas (of course) when it alllllll comes out. I mean, I made her cry for crying out loud. Who does that to their mother on Christmas? Not on purpose either. You know when the words are all pouring out of your mouth and you’re wishing you could somehow reverse the fountain but it just keeps flowing and flowing and flowing and your shame is getting deeper all the time? Yup. That was happening.
It all started with my little brother of course. He says somethig uncalled for (the short story is someone got a car charger to USB converter and I thought it was cool and he basically called be a moron for not having seen one before..)So I got up and wet to the kitchen and I must have still had disgust face on because my mom asked me what brother did (she knows us so well) I politely decline, tell her it’s not a big deal. I’m tryin to just let t slide and I don’t want her Input. she presses me, pushes, profs, so I finally tell her what’s going down.
You know what she says? She says “I wish you wouldn’t get so annoyed with him”
And then the word fountain started. It wasn’t my fault I swear. That fountain has been flowin inside my brain for so long that as soon as it saw a crack in my mouth, it went for it. I basically told her all my feelings on how I hate how shes raising him and how he’s turning out to be such a miserable person and she’s fightig back at first so that makes the fountain angry and it bursts even harder and then she bursts into tears. One second I’m finally winning and then bam. Automatic failure.
So then I cry because I’m the biggest asshole around. And everyone’s staring at me because somehow they missed the whole thing. I went in after my mom and we talked it out (sorta) but she still looked kinda distraught when I left. I had to go thogh. Even when I was apologizing, she was telling me to be more like my older brother (who sits an toleratea little brothers shenanigans like she does because he had two kids of his own and can’t be bothered) so I quietly gracefully exited before the fountain started again.
And now I rightfully feel like a total douche. I can’t even believe myself. She works so he’d on making Christmas special for everyone and I went and like.. Poured on her parade.
If you got through this, I commend you. I had no idea how long t would be. If you have any advice on how I make my mom believe how terribly terribly sorry I am, I would really appreciate it. I am at a loss. I am the worst. Help?