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Overstepping?

I might have spoken too soon to my MoH re: BM dresses (Long)

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
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    1.
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    557 posts
    Busy bee
    JoonBee    06/2010  

    I've always liked the idea of not dictating which BM dress the BMs have to wear for my wedding.  I'd like to keep everyone happy and not force them to buy a dress they don't like.  I had my MoH picked way beginning of the engagement.  At that time, I told her that I'll pick a color and she can pick the style of her own dress.  Months into the engagement I decided to add a  bridesmaid.  My MoH and I talked about the dress and we agreed I'll pick a designer and color (to avoid different shades) and the girls can pick their own dress.  I asked her about her preference for the length, and she said she like full length, but she won't have nother opportunity to wear full length, so she prefers tea-length for rewearability. 

    I personally have always loved full-length dresses and my wedding will be in a formal setting.  I asked my bridesmaid if she has a preference, and she's up for whatever I want her to wear, as it is my wedding (though she was happy that I am not telling her specifically which dress to wear. She likes the idea of me picking  bunch of dresses and she'd pick from one of the bunch). My FI mentioned that he prefers shorter BM dresses.  With that, I thought I "lost" and to keep people happy, I thought tea-length would be the way to go, so I told MoH that we'll go with tea-length. 

    Yesterday I started looking more seriously at the BM dresses, and I am finding the ones I like the most are the full-length ones.  My FI told me to just make the girls wear whatever I want them to wear (he seems ok with full-length now), but that would go against what I thought I wanted to do - give them the freedom.

    It seems that my BM is open to anything so I think she'll be ok with whatever I decide, however, my MoH has already voiced her preference with the tea-length (for rewearability reasons).  I know she's also very frugal and I don't want her to spend too much money (full length dresss are generally more expensive, right?)

    That leaves me this dilemma.. Is it ok for me to go back on my words and tell her that I want full-length gowns for my wedding?  Or, should I convince myself that tea-length dresses are ok and the length of the dresses is not a big deal? I am so torn because I want her to be happy with her dress, but I would also like the dress to fit the feel of the wedding.  I am still doing the picking a color/designer and having them pick their own dresses, but I am not sure if I should dictate on the length of the dress. 

    Another piece of information is that both of them are states away and we will do most of our BM dress shopping online, and have them go to stores and try them on themsevles.  I might see my BM in a couple of weeks so we might be able to go shopping at least for a day. So it'll be tough shopping for dresses!  

     

    Help!

     

     
    2.
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    4,138 posts
    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    I think it's fine to just say you want the full length dresses.  If you go with a lower-priced option (i.e. David's, Alfred Angelo, etc.) full-length are probably going to be pretty close in price to the shorter dresses.

    In my opinion, I don't think tea-length dresses are that re-wearable.  Cocktail length, yes, but I think tea-length is tough to wear again.  So I think you'd be in the same boat with tea and full-length so just go with the one you like better :o)

     
    3.
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    Bumble bee
    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    I say go with full-length, maybe you can find a design that could easily be shortened after the wedding for your MOH? 

     
    4.
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    557 posts
    Busy bee
    JoonBee    06/2010  

    How do I break it to my MoH?  I am so worried she'll be upset at me. :/

     
    5.
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    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    @JoonBee:  She only said she "prefers" tea-length for rewearabilty...she didn't say she won't wear anything but tea-length.  Just tell her that you've decided to go with full-length and send her some choices.  I think you're worrying a little too much and this will be fine.

     
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    Bee Keeper
    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    If she is upset - explain that you will get a dress that could be easily shortened and if you can afford it offer to pay for the alterations for her! Then it is win win!

     
    7.
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    557 posts
    Busy bee
    JoonBee    06/2010  

    @hotchildinthecity - the last time I talked to her, I told her we are going with tea-length dresses.. That's why I said I spoke too soon, but I hope you are right that it'll be fine. 

     
    8.
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    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I think it would be fine to let her know exactly what you told us. You took a closer look at other bridesmaid dresses, and you prefer the full length better. I'm sure she'll understand, especially since you're letting her choose her own dress. And I like FMM's idea about her choosing a dress that could be easily shortened to her liking so that she can wear it elsewhere too!

     
    9.
    Member
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    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    @JoonBee: Yeah, just tell it to her the same way you told us.  You spoke too soon, looked again and made a different decision.  She'll be fine with it.

     
    10.
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee
    JoonBee    06/2010  

    Thanks, bees! I feel better now.  I just really don't want in a situation where the BMs hate the bride because she's too demanding, etc.. ;)  My MoH did let me wear whatever I wanted to down to the color on her wedding (I was the only person in her bridal party). 

     

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