(Closed) I miss him so much…. Seeing Ex-FI at work is breaking my heart.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you had to make the decision to breakup.

Time is a great healer, and you will probably always have feelings for him, but it seems apparent that you both have to move on.

I suggest starting some activities either by yourself or with some friends to get your mind off things and to also fill your mind with other thoughts.

You might also want to get out a peice of paper, divide it in half lengthwise, write pros on one side and cons on the other, and then take that out and read it everytime you get sentimental. It will help with the healing process.

Post # 5
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You’re still welcome here. Don’t feel silly or stupid for hanging out on this site if it makes you feel better. It’s a community for everybody.

Post # 6
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time! But, could you explain more about the breakup? Your thread from a few months ago when you said you would be leaving WB did not really explain what happened. I know it’s a very personal thing, but without any further details about your ex, the relationship, and why it ended, it’s a little hard to offer advice. Did you leave him due to his lack of responsibility, like you referenced with him not going back to school or finding a good job, and the debt situation? Or was there more to it than that? (or was there another thread that does explain all this that I missed?)

Also, please don’t feel badly about sticking around! You are a welcome part of our community, engaged or not!

Post # 9
Member
5389 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you are hurting. Maybe you should make a clean break from him so that you can move on, or prehaps the both of you can try a relationship therapist (since you both love each other).

I hope everything works out for you.

 

EDIT: I just read your previous posts. I think he needs time to fix his own issues.

Post # 11
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve found that with breakups, it hasn’t helped me to think, “This person was perfect for me, except for this one little thing.”  I’ve found closure by focusing on that one thing over and over.

So I’ll think something like, ‘This one thing is a big deal and I don’t want to be with someone without that big thing.”  It’s kind of a re-framing of things – it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I’ve found it to be the key to past breakups.

Is there a visual in your mind that you associate with lack of ambition?  Maybe every time you see your ex, you can just flash to that visual.  That should keep your mind focused on the reason that you decided to break things off…

GOOD LUCK!!

ps You are part of Weddingbee no matter what… once a bee, always a bee!

Post # 13
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Texaslawgirl,

Everyone is different, but I see similarities between what you describe and my relationship with my FI, so I thought I’d tell you a little more about what we’ve gone through.

I started working at 14, worked my way through college, saved every penny I could, and by the time I was 20 had a good job, good amount of savings, and no debt. Being on top of finances and getting the most out of my career has always been something that is very important to me.

My FI? He dropped out of college, is really not motivated when it comes to career, and I found out that he was in $50,000 debt when I moved in with him.

We have fought about finances – a lot. But, we’ve also found a way to address the issue. At some point we realized that there are some things he’s good at and some things I’m good at, and it makes sense to make use of that competitive advantage. So — I take care of finances, and as long as he sticks to the budget that we’ve planned, we’re good. He takes care of fixing the cars, building stuff, and making repairs around the house. We’ve found a good balance and neither of us feels uncomfortable with that arrangement.

In terms of career – we have completely different ambitions. I have all types of dreams and have a strong desire to be successful and productive in life. My FI has a job that he is comfortable in, makes decent money, and has no plans to promote or otherwise further his career. He will retire after his 30 years and will then spend his retirement riding motorcycles.

I realized something about myself… I am attracted to this type of person. All of my relationships have been with guys like my FI. Opposites attract, right? I can be stubborn, controlling, etc., and if I were with someone who was just like me, or even somewhat similar, I think we’d really butt heads. 

I love my FI and while there are times that I get frustrated with finances, responsibility, etc., we have a generally strong relationship. I really do think it can work, it just takes understanding and compromise from both ends.

Sorry that you’re having such a tough time. 🙁 It’ll all work out for the best in the end. I’m a strong believer in everything happening for a reason.

Post # 14
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Awww, I’m so sorry you are feeling this way, but I think Mr. Bee’s advice is spot on!  And I agree, you’re part of our family here now no matter what! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i don’t know if my advice will be any good, but i just thought i’d tell you what helped me after my biggest breakup (bf of 7 1/2 years that was going to propose 3 days after i dumped him). at first i kept in contact with him, but that was just keeping me from moving on so i stopped all communication. i know you can’t do that b/c you have to see him at work, but if you could avoid it than do so. and then try to move on. go on dates. even if they aren’t your next husband, it gets you out and realizing that there are other guys in this world, and hopefully one that’s better for you than him. unfortunately you broke up for a reason, so now you know what to look for in the next guy because motivation is obviously a priority for you.

Post # 16
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hi, I am really sorry about all of this.. I have read your older posts in the past and once I read this one and realized you were that person from before I just went back and felt all the same stuff again…I just really think that you should go with your gut here…sounds like he still misses you and loves you but it also sounds like he is so embarrassed about it he just doesn’t even want to approach the issue at hand, so in doing so, he is losing you.  To me, I wouldn’t (and this is what my FI and I do) let the money get in the way….I get it, he was dishonest with you and it got worse and worse, to me, that seems to be the larger issues that you have with him.  What I think is that you should seriously have a sit down talk with him, figure it all out, lay it all out on the table…and im talking all his and your dirty laundry….nobody is perfect, but if you aren’t going to be happy without him, then maybe that is your heart telling that its ok to let this go, get passed, and try again with him. 

 

I don’t want to give you false hope but i would hate to think that you let him slip through your fingers….he messed up….A LOT…..but in reality will this matter 25 years down the road?  think about it, and if the answer is no, then maybe think about having a talk with him.  🙂

ps: stay on WB, we like you here!

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