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I feel your pain, my FH got deployed 6 months after we stared dating. Then the next year we spent 6000 miles away, then two days after the wedding he leaves for training. HUGS.
I can't begin to imagine how you feel, but I just want to say that I appreciate what your husband, and other servicemen/servicewomen, and all the other military wives on the board go through. ::HUG::
That's so tough - just try to remember that each day that passes is another day closer to seeing him again! My fiance and I have been on opposite sides of the Atlantic this year, so I haven't seen him since January 3 (but I should see him about a month from now).
I imagine that right after the wedding I *really* won't want to be without him! When his first times out in the field and especially his first deployment come up, it's going to be a big reality check. I can't relate yet to having my husband away, but just try to keep busy and focus on the positives as much as you can!
My BF just got back from training in NC so I can relate. I'm used to him being gone bc of the distace between us but the thing that I found to be the hardest was the lack of communication. So I got busy; I spent time with my girlfriends and my family, signed up for softball at work, and started hitting the gym. ANYTHING to keep moving!
On top of that I started writing to him in a journal. Written communcation is really special to us because it's how we fell in love and it's something I plan on giving to him one day, maybe for the next deployment. It was really a good way to unwind and get all my feelings out at the end of a long day.
Making plans for his return is good too, it doesn't have to be big (because sometimes making long term plans with someone who is in the military can be a little tricky) but something to look forward to. When my BF came back from Iraq last year I took him to dinner in a restauarant that I wanted to try, and I waited until he was back so we could try it together.
Also, I agree with K610--each day you spend apart, is another day closer to seeing him!
Hope this helps!
I keep looking at the wedding photos and talking to him for 30 minutes a night and it just ACHES. I miss him. I'm used to missing him but this physically hurts. Unfortunately, right now I am unemplyed and that only make it worse. The thought of "one day closer" helps for a while, but doesn't get me through a full day, let a lone weeks. This sucks.
I totally know how you feel! My hubby deployed for 6 months only 3 months after we met. We've been together for a little over two years now and he's been gone on deployments for about half of that time. I know how hard it can be to be away from the man you love. And it's definitely harder when he's your husband!
I just dropped my hubby off on base this morning. He'll be gone for about a month, then back for a month, then he leaves for another 6 month deployment. And we've only been married 4 months! i know it's going to be tough not having my hubby around for 6 whole months, and I'm unemployed as well, so the time just goes by so much more slowly. But what has always helped me during my hubby's absences is to keep busy, especially by keeping myself surrounded by friends. I tend to go out a lot more with my friends during DH's deployments as that makes the time go by faster and my friends offer a lot of support and encouragement, and a great distraction too! Or I keep busy by doing my papercrafting or just finding things around the house to do. Anything to get my mind off the fact that the hubby is away, even if only for a few hours a day. It's tough, but you'll make it through. It can feel like your heart is being ripped out sometimes from missing your man so much, but that just makes your time together so much sweeter, and so much more appreciated! Think about how great it will be when you see your husband again and you'll get through your separation.
Oh, and be glad you can talk to your DH for 30 mins every night! I'll only be getting a few emails and NO PHONE CALLS while my hubby is away. That must be nice at least being able to talk to him!
Oh i totally understand! Sending hugs your way! My FI spent 15 months deployed and we spent the last 3.5 years apart. Take it one day at a time! Put it in perspective as much as you can. I reasoned with myself all the time. That's all you can do. It's good to reminisce and whatnot, but don't dwell on it all so much that it just completely bums you out like crazy. You know how a watched pot never boils? Well, the same perspective applies! I think it's wonderful you get to talk every night though. Be grateful for that! My FI and I got 30 minute phone calls every Saturday, that was it. Email is a wonderful thing nowadays! I always reminded myself that no matter how hard it is, it was harder for women our mom's age and our grandma's ages and I had no right to be as upset. Which isn't true, but it's how I kept myself from getting out of hand and letting his deployment basically ruin my life. I didn't want to be a depressed mess for 15 months so I reasoned myself out of it! hahaha. Hey whatever works. And it's temporary at least. 6 weeks will go by so fast, I promise. It doesn't seem like it now though. We've been toghether 4.5 years now...and i wonder where the time has all gone.
You HAVE to find a hobby. Something to do besides sitting at home all day, that just makes it worse!!! Hit the gym up and let him know how great you'll look by the time he gets home. If you're anything like me, you probably would rather sit and eat ice cream all night though ![]()
Good luck! Sometimes separation like this just makes you realize how happy you are with the man you have, though. It can be a good thing =]
Thanks for the advice!! I've now found meetup.com and have joined a few groups to keep me occupied. Oy I need a job!! Well, at least now we are past the halfway point!
I know how you feel. My FI is in Afghanistan right now. He left at the begining of March and won't get his midtour leave/R&R until December! He is there for a year. So it sucks really bad. Plus he is Airborne Infantry so I can't even feel like he has a safe MOS, his whole job is to fight. Blah, maybe I am just feeling super down right now because he has been on a mission for a while and I haven't heard from him at all in a few days. :(
Thoughts are with you HoneyBunny. I definitly found that the days I was busy went by faster and seemed to hurt less. Take on projects to bring focus to your free time.
It's hard. He called me today which was great, but it was at a crazy hour I wasn't expecting and he could only talk for five minutes becuase the helicopter was waiting. He gave me clues that leads to him being gone a long time, which I mean hell a year is a long time, but I mean like maybe a month with hearing nothing...
I don't even know what to do right now. I feel so sad. And I watched Army Wives tonight (my friend got me to start watching it) BIG mistake. Now I feel worse.
Mr. K has been gone for training and I am going crazy not having him here! He can't talk on the phone either so that is really hard! I can't imagine how hard it is going to be if and when he gets deployed! I seriously might need to take in a roommate because I hate coming home to an empty house every night! :(
My heart is in Iraq until August 11th. :(
He deployed 9 days after we met and he told me he loved me at the airport the day he left. It's been almost 6 months and I feel like we're so much stronger because of it. I know he's the love of my life and it's an amazing feeling-so if the only way I can have him right now is to talk to him for an hour a day that makes me happy-I'd rather have him that way than not at all. :) WE'LL ALL BE OKAY! :)))) Hugs to you girls!
Miss Bravo! August 11th is so soon! I know six months is a crazy long time to be away from the guy you love, but congrats on being less than a month away from seeing your man!
Thanks Kitten!! I can hardly believe it-now time almost feels more fragile than it did three months ago! :)
It's somewhat comforting to know we're all in the same boat (or plane, so to speak!). My FI was supposed to be deployed August-December of this year, but he was taken off that deployment, and now he's supposed to leave a whopping three weeks after we're married. We've been through a deployment before, but we've also been in an LDR our whole relationship. It sucks that once we can finally be together, we'll be apart. I gues this is my welcome to the life of a milliatary wife!
I'm on the other side of deployments and the military life now, but reading your all's posts brings the memories back! I remember feeling the very physical effects of worry, anticipation, and just plain old missing your guy. It's age old advice, but here's a little help:
1. Keep busy! Make lists, set goals, learn something new. I set three main goals while my mr. was away: compete in my first triathlon, sew a quilt, and start a business on Etsy. I accomplished everything but finishing the quilt and learned a lot along the way.
2. Make friends outside your military circle - this was vital to me. Sometimes, I just needed to be around people who weren't obsessing about all things military. Hearing what they did, how their days went, etc, really helped take my mind off myself.
3. Sometime you just need to wallow! I would let myself have a sad day where I would come home after work, eat mac and cheese and reread all the letters he's sent to me. I needed to cry and let it out.
Hang in there girlies! I'm living proof that deployments are survivable. You are strong, strong women! Hugs to you!
In retrospect, I wish I had set up a better support system within the wardroom before he left. We had hung out with a few people that we got along with and if I had spent some more low key time with them before my husband left, I would have felt like I could have called them and used their support (even if it was just drinks with the girls). For anyone facing a deployment, make sure you've got a group of other women nearby who know the feeling and start a weekly dinner or lunch or whatever.
Ms Lamb, I love your list idea and I wish I had done that. I spent many days trying to figure out what I should do and worked little bits on lots of projects but didn't actually acomplish all that much.
MY MOH's husband (their daughter is our flower girl) is training right now to go to Iraq. I wish there was more I could do to help out but i live 2 hours from her. Right now Im sure she feels like a single mom since her husband is away and she is trying to finish school as well. She grads in Dec. with a BA in Special Education. I love her so much...shes like my long lost sister. I wish they would all just be able to come home and stay home. Thoughts with you all bees.
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We were married for 2 weeks before he was deployed for a 6 week training course. Granted, I am the dingbat watching Deadliest Catch (my husband is a Coast Guard pilot), but I miss him! We spent our first 18 months together 6000 miles apart, but now that he's my husband, it just hurts that much worse. Any other military brides/wive have any encouraging words?