(Closed) I miss my SO all the time. ),=

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know it’s really hard.  When I first started doing the long distance thing (about 4 years ago) it was really hard.  It’s even harder if you don’t have a social life outside of your partner.    You said that you don’t really have any friends, so it’s really important to that you start to either make some new friends or reconnect with old ones.  I cannot stress enough how important it is that you have a social life of your own.  It is absolutely essential for a LDR to work.  Four months is along time to still be crying every weekend, and it will start to wear on your relationship, unless one of you decides to move soon.  I’m not trying to insinuate that your relationship is weak.  I’m just tryign to say that with the limited time you have together each week, you want it to be filled with happy memories, not tears.  It would be a shame if you look back at all of these precious times and have it mostly be dominated by tears.  

To be honest, I was in your shoes when my fiance (bf at the time) decided to be a supersenior while I graduated and moved back home.  I only saw him on weekends.  To me, it was less convenient of a relationship, but I never considered it long distance.   Yes, i missed him terribly, but I filled my free time with hanging with friends, coworkers, and family.  The worst thing you can let yourself do is sit at home missing him while he is out having a drink with friends.  That would do a number on your self esteem.  But if you had your own life, it won’t bother you as much.  My fiance and I didn’t really start doing LDR until the Air Force decided to put him on the other side of the country.  Then, it was really hard.  I saw him once every 4 months.  That was the hardest thing I ever did.  I cried everytime I left him.  But the most important thing is to have your own life and to focus on yourself and your family and friends.  That is the only way you can still be the same person your bf fell in love with.  Being depressed all the time will change you into someone else, possibly someone you and your bf don’t even recognize anymore.  Like you said, you flip out and argue with him a whole lot more now.  Building up relationships around you will help you out a whole lot.  I promise.  

I’m sorry this turned out so long, so I’ll end with this:  I know this is tough on you, but you’ll get through it.  =)  My fiance has lived about 3000 miles away from me for about 4 years now, and now we’re getting married.  Just keep working on yourself, be selfish, take care of yourself, and your LDR will be just fine.  =)

Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a somewhat similar story to yours. My fiance and I met in college but he was a senior when I was a freshman. We were able to spend about 2 1/2 months together before he graduated and moved back home to work. Over the summers we were 4 hours apart and only saw each other on the weekends. This was especially hard because we were trying to build a relationship while long distance instead of just maintaining one. However, we knew that we didn’t want to be without each other so we just kept pushing through. When I went back to school it became a little easier on us because we were an hour and a half apart and many times when I really missed him, I would drive to his house just to spend the night. But I would have to wake up super early the next day to make it in time for class. Although, sometimes after trying to get out of the warm bed and leave each other, we would decide to take a sick day and spend all day together. Those days were always nice. Now I wish I could go back to that time because 2 years ago he had to move over 2000 miles away from me for his job. Since I didn’t have a job and was going to school, and he was just starting out in his job, we would go 5 months at a time without seeing each other. But thankfully the end is near. We are getting married in less than 2 months and we will finally be together!

My advice to you is to not let yourself get so upset when he leaves. I know you miss him but it seems to me like you’re crying as if you broke up. Just know that he doesn’t want to leave you either. You know it is coming. Every time he leaves just think, “I will see him in 5 days.” That really isn’t that long. I teared up 2 times after my fiance left or I left him. But after that, I got used to it. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated. All I am saying is that crying will do more harm than good for you.

I also suggest you utilize skype. Conversations on skype are conversations you would have if he was there with you. We all know there is a huge difference between that and phone conversations. It will also help for you to be able to see his face every day.

Have a timeline. You guys have been together for a really long time. Have to talked about marriage? Have you talked about where your relationship is going? Have you dicussed potentially moving to NY to be with him? These are very important things. Me and my fiance both knew that we would be getting married as soon as I graduated college. Things were still difficult but it made it easier to know the end was in sight and to have something to look forward to.

Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I understand that being in a one bedroom apartment with 3 other people can make it very difficult to get any personal time to skype. I don’t know where he goes in order to call you but I know that if you guys aren’t able to talk privately, the conversation definitely will lack the substance you need. I know that whenever I’m on vacation or if he has family visiting, we don’t get to speak privately and unfortunately our conversations are dramatically different. They are more superficial. I don’t know if that is true or not for everyone else.  But we usually come out of the vacation more stressed than when we went in because we could hardly talk.

When my fiance moved, I just had to keep telling myself that we have to be apart in order to be together. If he didn’t leave, we probably would of gotten jobs in our separate towns because we couldn’t afford to move to the other person. Now he has his career and can afford to move me out there and give me some support while I try to find a job. So maybe while you’re finishing up school you could look for jobs in NY then you have the possibility of having something set up before you move.

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