Post # 1
I’m technically a waiting bee. But this didn’t seem to belong over there.
I found the ring that I want. It is beautiful and perfect.
SO thinks that if I have any say in choosing the ring it’s “cheating”. He thinks that it’s something he should have to “battle through blindly” (his words exactly)
It’s a moissanite co ring. So there’s the ordering online thing that I’m not sure he’ll be comfortable with.
Any advice on how I can make him understand that he isn’t less of a man if I help pick the ring?
Post # 3
Ugh. I would kindly explain to him that you have to live with this ring for the rest of your life, so it would be nice if you had a say in it. I, personally, am very picky with my jewelry and my then fiance had complete opposite taste than I do. Unfortunatly, I know I would not have loved anything he picked out and in my opinion, you need to LOVE this piece of jewelry that you will wear every day.
Post # 4
I don’t think you can tell him where to get or what it should be made of, but you CAN leave pics of it all over the house, lol.l Cheating, maybe… but at least he will still see the design and get something similar.
Post # 5
I would simply let him know that you don’t think there’s anything wrong with a guy that asks for his girlfriend’s preferenes. That you think it shows that the guy really wants what is best for his girlfriend. but then I’d let him pick. It may not be important to you that he be the one to pick your ring, but it might be important to him.
Post # 6
yeah….this is tough situation….when someone’s mind is set it’s hard to get them to see things different.
This is what I would do….I would tell him that, that is the ring you like..it doesn’t have to be that specific ring, but a ring that at least looks like that one.
Would you be ok with a ring that looks like it? Maybe your SO was looking forward to picking everything out himself?
Post # 7
@Justbrynne: I’m a future husband and I was exactly the same way! I wanted to pick it out and for it to be a surprise and I was going for a diamond! But as a game I wanted to see what cuts and shapes she liked, I picked out an oval for her and when I showed it to her, she absolutely hated it. I didn’t know how to pick out a ring, so i then took her tomboy of a sister who was absolutely no help! I was at a dead end. So I talked to her about it and was like I can’t find a diamond ring that I CAN AFFORD and that you would like! (this is where she offered to pay) I was like HELL NO! this is my thing for you, you’re not paying a cent! she said ok. I was crushed, I was mad at myself that I couldn’t afford a ring that she liked. we ended up having a huge argument about it (mainly because I was really devastated!) At first, I really didn’t want her to be included with the ring at all, but then I realized, what if she bought me a ring that I hated and expected me to wear it until I die.
After this, we talked about it and she decided to do some research herself. After her research, she found out about morganite (I know you want moissanite, but hear me out), which I was very skeptical of because it wasn’t a diamond! But after I looked at the prices, I decided I wasn’t skeptical anymore (LMFAO)
Eventually I really had to check myself and ask, is this ring for me or for her! If it’s for me, she would have ended up with a really small ugly oval diamond! But it’s for her! I asked which setting, which stone and which size she wanted because I want her to be happy!
Overall, I think before he buys a ring, YOU AND HIM NEED TO SIT DOWN, if u have to force it so be it, but he’s gonna be happier knowing that you love the ring rather than hating it! send him pictures of the rings you like, leave them in his car, give it to his friends, your family/friends to let him know. BUT REALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM! it’s not your ring! It’s mine, and I don’t want an ugly ring that you “battled for!”
let me know if you have any questions!
Post # 8
I would leave that picture open on your computer, “accidentally” share the pin on FB…
Post # 9
Other bees have made great suggestions, but I’ll give you an alternative in case it’s still not working for him.
One other option would be for you to give up a little more control over the ring, and maybe send him three suggestions – and let him know which your favorite is. (I know you love this one, but maybe you could find a couple more that you’d also love?) That way, you get some say, and you know the ring he picks won’t be from somewhere out in left field. He won’t be totally off base. But also, he’ll feel like he gets the final say, and that might preserve some of that important decision that he wants to make for the two of you and let him have input.
It sounds like picking the ring is important to him, and I’d try to respect that… but maybe you can have some say?
Who knows, maybe his “decision” will be to pick your favorite ring in the end.
Post # 10
I’d suggest thinking seriously about respecting that this means a lot to him and traditionally is “his domain,” particularly if you see other things (like planning the majority of the details of the wedding) as “your domain” that you wanted to take the lead on.
Post # 11
@Justbrynne: My FI was the same way at first……until I started bugging him and sending him emails (about 4-6ish) of ideas that I liked and if I didn’t like a certain part of it, I would put a specific on there. I think he finally got it how picky I was about certain aspects and then he asked that we go look together. I also kept reiteraing that I am going to have to wear it the rest of my life and I wanted to love it, not just like it. I told him that I would love anything he chose but I wanted to be in love with it. We picked everything together, from the engagement ring, to the wedding band, to the diamond. The proposal was still a surprise though! Make sure that he realizes that – even if you pick the ring out together, he doesn’t have to let you know when it arrives, nor does he have to give you ANY details about the proposal.
IF after talking to him a little he still won’t budge, then let him do it himself.
Post # 12
I’ve found that men relate best when you put in terms they can understand.
Present something he can relate to…
You could say for example either of these 2 scenarios:
# 1 – What if it was that I was going to buy you a Shirt. A shirt of MY CHOOSING. A shirt that you would have to wear every day for the rest of your life… no other shirt. ONLY this one. And you have no say in it. But I expect you to wear it happily every.day.forever And I don’t just expect you to be happy with it… I expect you to LOVE it. And never even want another shirt again.
# 2 – (This one I used on Mr TTR). I come home and tell you I am going to go out and buy you a complete line of NEW Hockey Equipment. A sport you love. BUT I am not going to consult with you at all. I will just go out and buy what I THINK YOU’D LIKE… and expect you to accept it and wear it happily. Fall in LOVE with it, the ONLY Hockey Equipment you’ll ever own again. Expensive Hockey Equipment. I won’t ask your preferences, your size… or take into account your playing style… I know NOTHING about Hockey Equipment but this is what I am going to do for you BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH.
Use whatever Sport or personal interest would fit your Guy.
When you do get him to see this from your side… let him know that an ERing is like Hockey Equipment in that it is complicated… not every player is the same, wants or needs the same Equipment. And the Equipment is EXPENSIVE, and difficult to return.
The ERing is also like a piece of clothing… FOREVER is a long time. You need to absolutely LOVE something you are going to wear each & every day.
AND let him know that there is a lot of Reading & Research that should be conducted for this SIGNIFICANT item / purchase… as there are lots of variables (Metals – Gems – Setting etc). Having two sets of eyes and brains wading thru the facts can only be beneficial.
Lastly a tip for yourself…
GO TRY ON RINGS… Jewellery is like clothes (the shirt example above). Not every single shirt is going to fit every person / suit every body. We all have very different hands… and even something you THINK YOU LOVE… can look quite different in person (just like if you take a pair of jeans into a dressing room… on the hanger looks good… on you not so much)
Trying on Rings ensures that you’ll end up with something you truly can & do LOVE FOREVER
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
@This Time Round: ooh the analogy ideas are good ones! Thanks so much for them! I have tried on many ring styles, which is how I discovered that the 3stone style I loved in pictures is really not my cup of tea on my hand, but halos and even solitaires I like more than I would have guessed 🙂
Post # 14
As a general update, he proposed on new years eve with a ring nothing like this one and it is absolutely perfect!!!
Post # 15
Post # 16
@bitsybee: I only have a couple on my phone right now and she needs to be resized but here she is! 🙂